As this school year reaches an end I’ll turn 14, finish up middle school for good, and go through summer to get prepared to switch schools. As I reflect on my middle school years I see a lot of different memories and experiences that showed me what I know today. 6th grade was a real experience in making friendships and seeing how I could acclimate to a new school. Looking back on it today, I have a very different group of friends from elementary school & 6th grade and getting acclimated wasn’t difficult, but that doesn’t mean I did it the right way. I started the first marking period of 6th grade by failing a math test and getting two C’s and a few B’s in my classes already missing Honors Roll and Distinguished Honors Roll. Although I was in the highest level math offered, I knew my ability was much better than to fail a test, so with some guidance from my father I retook the test and aced it (which only counted for a B) and went on that year not to get a single B or C especially in Math. Something I also know looking back on 6th grade is how easy it was. K-6 was a breeze except for one marking period and because I had the ability I was able to whizz through with one little misconception where I got helped and smoothed it over. In 7th grade, the way I started off the year academically and the relationship and reputation I  built with my teacher’s weren’t for the better, but when I moved houses in the beginning of the year it only got worse in the long term. I always had thought I could handle my parents divorce and I could even though it changed me in ways I didn’t realize. When I moved in with just my father halfway through the year, my struggles continued just like before and nothing seemed to have changed except that he did nothing that year to actively help me improve my grade like 6th grade-except for encouraging me. That school year led into a summer of playing Fortnite, watching tv, and eating when I wasn’t at work which only took 5 hours out of each day. I decided 5 hours was enough work for everyday and I always rested on the weekends. The majority of summer was wasted. And when the school year was near the start again I began to get beat down by some of the numerous disappointments and wrenches thrown my way that’d I’d continue to receive throughout the year. Towards the end half of summer, my custody was split and I had to go live with my mother. I spent hours alone with my mother at work with a ton of freedom, I could do whatever I wanted. More fortnite, more tv, more everything. That sounds like the dream to other kids my age, but now as I reflect on what I’ve learned from my freedom is that handling it right is a very important and difficult thing to do. Even when my mother was home, she was extremely lenient with anything I wanted to do. As summer came closer to the end, it was suddenly flooded with a schooling change for my older brother. After coming back from a short vacation, I  found out my brother was offered a chance to get into a prestigious school 30 minutes away. The end of summer became full of the process for him to get in and then when he officially made it in on a good scholarship, he geared up and left for camp to make the soccer team. I was used to living with my brother full time. Now he only comes to my moms a quarter of the week and I barely see him in the mornings or evening with his new school. Besides losing other things with that change, I’d lost any guidance he’d given me in the years before about anything for 8th grade and with my father scrambling to handle the school and recovering from a lay off at his old company, most of his guidance was gone too especially with split custody. And my mother wasn’t one to offer guidance either. So while I spent all summer wasting my time, the worst was yet to come. I finished off summer reading books and getting supplies for school because I had to and wanted to be prepared for the school year, but that’s exactly what didn’t happen. I thought a new relationship with my teachers would make it easier to exceed in school, but when I had a good relationship and bad grades I realized my reputation was ruined as the 1st marking period came to a close and I slid through with an abundance of B’s and a low A or two in honors classes and advanced math. Improvement from the year before, but nowhere near my ability even in the top classes. In elementary school, I was top of all my classes. Best math student, best reader, top grades. I worked ahead of my classmates, I got the best grades on the tests, I helped out the struggling students, I had the highest reading level, I picked the hardest spelling words and aced them, I was given a reward as a top 3 math student in the math olympiads program, and all this on top of being in Gifted Class and Math Enrichment. That’s because in elementary school there was no homework, everything was so basic, and I wasn’t dealing with all these other factors. Now in 8th grade, I’d struggle to complete assignments and homework after school for a multitude of reasons on top of every other change I had. Sports, Counseling, Eating, Sleeping, and other things only left my afternoons with 1-2 hours depending upon the day to finish homework which I struggled to use up fully and led to later nights and an endless poor sleep cycle. All these late nights also caused me to be late to school over 15 times because I couldn't get up which I say as I’m writing this at 11. If this has taught me anything it’s that I have the ability, but it’s up to me to learn and get better at coping with problems and managing my time and activities. If I’d started the year off right by working hard, I would’ve gotten in a much better position earlier and passed where I am currently much sooner on, but once you bury yourself in a hole, getting out isn’t as easy. I buried myself in a deep, deep hole for all of 7th grade and the summer. Although I was better prepared for 8th grade, I wasn’t the most prepared I could’ve been especially for higher level classes. Like I said before, I started off by the 1st marking period by squeezing into honors roll with a couple low B’s, a couple low A’s, and a ton of B’s anywhere in between. Improvement from before, but the hole was still deep. Then I made a slight improvement in the second marking period, but still struggled with wrestling starting up. Coming off a state in 2018 , I should've been pumped to get better. Although I didn’t work hard at school in 7th grade, I grinded like most people can’t that year at every wrestling practice and whatever I did outside of that. And although I worked hard, I could've worked so much harder. The reason I won that state championship was because of how I prepared in the 2 weeks leading up. I was confident, hungry (to win of course), and healthy. I slept right, ate right, worked right, and thought right. Those things were great to do for a big thing like states, but now I’ve realized that those are the kind of things I have to make a habit out of and do all the time. This season, I went 3-7, 3-5, and 2-2 at the 2 biggest dual tournaments in the country and states. 8-14 at the most important events I had all year. I wasn’t prepared well at all even leading back to summer and while a minor knee problem and minor sickness may have affected me in a small way at 2 of those events, I didn’t take the things I could affect and work at them diligently with the heart of a champion.  I was lazier, out of shape, and just not taking care of myself as well or working as hard. It was all on me. My fault, nobody else to blame. Other factors come into play, but in the whole scope of things, you can only blame yourself. The same thing applied in School. I’ve improved this year, but not dramatically or to where I should be. I had the ability in wrestling and school to be the best. I had the god given talent and the opportunity to use it to my advantage. I’ve always known that, but applying it can get difficult. As the third marking period comes to a close now, I’m looking to finish up with straight A’s and one higher B if I can work up to that from 3 very high B+’s and a B. A huge improvement in honors classes compared to a year ago, but still not that good. While I’ve been actively working to get my grade up by studying for most tests and trying to advocate for myself with teachers about working my grade up, I still struggle to get some assignments done on time and I’ve learned that my reputation with teachers has made it a lot more difficult to get my grades up especially with late assignments then if I was to have done it right from the start. Getting ready for the last marking period, I’m looking for nothing but straight A’s from myself and very few late assignments. This will set me up for a good summer of working a job, lifting weights, training, and studying for the next school year on top of any Vacations I might go on or Friends I might spend time with although I can’t let myself get distracted from the goal. I also have to look to manage my time better, eat healthier, and get on a better sleep schedule. I want to go into next year with a fire that shows my full ability and sets me up for success. I want to have a top GPA next year and be a great wrestler, but I’ll have to work hard and harder next year. I’ll have the same great opportunity as my brother did and if I want to be set for life, these next 4 years are the most important. Besides all this, I learned that middle school was spent for me to figure myself out and become independent which my father helped with after letting me struggle in 7th grade and not helping me, but encouraging me while my mother gave me immense freedom that I took and am still learning how to handle and spend in the best way possible. Overall, I couldn’t get myself to the point I’m at and the point I want to be at without being optimistic and If I’m gonna do what I plan I need to be motivated and have a good attitude, because I’ve also learned that life is what you make of it and feeling happy is a matter of how you handle things. Sometimes, people just learn things about themselves in unique ways and for me, that was struggling through most of middle school and working to get out of that struggle only to feel very well prepared and confident for high school.