Remember, no matter what happens, it's not your fault. This works in every situation if you are fast at coming up with things to say. For example, I am waiting to go to a party in half an hour, so I'm going to be late because I was being demanded by my eager fans to write another chapter to help them live their lives the best way possible. Or I can say that I'm not late, and it's their clocks that are fast. You see, this goes beyond blaming traffic or something cliche like that. This is going above and beyond, delving into a world beyond basic excuses more transparent than the air we breathe. Sometimes they are so absurd yet so realistic that the only way someone can find out you are bending the truth is by stalking you. For example, you got into an argument with your Social Studies teacher on your way to wherever you're going, because you live so close to them. Technically you aren't lying because you thought about an argument with the teacher and argued mentally. This ties into later advice about when something actually counts as a lie. Someone who we blame for things is what we call a scapegoat. This has been done throughout history. The very word derives from using goats as a sacrifice to the gods, saying that “it’s their fault we didn’t get good crops hate into the people for what they thought was the ‘greater good’. Hitler blamed the Jews for their recession. Joseph Stalin blamed Leon Trotsky for the rise of capitalism in order to gain power over the Soviet Union. A cow was even blamed for the Great Chicago Fire in 1871 to antagonize Irish immigrants such as the woman who was supposedly milking the cow at the time. It worked for people then, so why wouldn't it work for you now?

I am a celebrity. I am a professional writer. I am a famous YouTuber. You may doubt these claims, but they're all true. Or at least as true as they need to be. People worldwide have heard of me, and I have friends all over the world. That's also as true as it needs to be. My worldwide fans are me in one country, my Grandma in another country, and the random people who read my stories anywhere else and don't really care about me. Writing will be my future profession, so I'm professional. And a few people saw my YouTube videos. Everything I said was not a lie but also wasn't trues. Therefore, I am not a liar. Everything is as true as it needs to be. So you take small things and hyperbolize them. It can be used for excuses, bragging, resumes, and advertising. Especially in advertising. Just remember that no one can call you out for lying because you aren't.

Think about the world we live in right now. Think about starving children, and desperate parents working long hours in abusive factories in an attempt to feed those children. Think about global warming and how we're all going to die soon if we keep on living the way we do. And think about the pain and suffering happening worldwide due to wars, discrimination, conflict, and bullying. Now think of how you can change all of that. Can you? Well, if you are like most people, you can't. Doesn't that hurt? Now stop thinking about it. Does it hurt anymore? Do you feel sad? Of course not! If you don't think about what you can't change, then it isn't a problem. For you, at least. Of course, you should definitely be careful about what you don't think about. If you can positively affect the situation you must think carefully about what you can and can't do. As much as the world revolves around you, you must help others as much as you can. After all, how can you be happy if no one around you is? How can you show that you're better than people if the people are dead? You can stop your friend from being bullied. You can stop that family in Africa from starving by donating. You can stop littering and be more environmentally friendly. That you can think about. But some people never change, and convincing other people to do those things is not possible. So don't think about it. Don't think about the past unless it's funny. I am a master at not thinking. I think I might actually be excessively absent-minded, but I'd rather not think about that.

There is nobody in the world as good as you. Except for me. Nobody is as cool as you, nobody is as good-looking as you, nobody is as humble as you, as smart as you, as anything as you. Other than me. If someone is better than you in something, they're probably cheating. Or you're way better than them in everything else. Unless it's me. This is a great mindset to hold if you ever feel down or if you ever feel bad about yourself. Assert dominance. If you're good at something, let it show. If you're too obvious about it, people won't want to be around you. Still, make sure everyone around you knows subconsciously that you are better than them. Stand with confident posture and body language to remind yourself and others know how much better you are than them. Ignore people who can do better than you, or prove them wrong. Act like everyone around you is stupid, and that you know that you're right. Make it known that everything that goes wrong is not your fault and that you knew what you were doing until someone you dislike "messed it up". As long as you're the best in your own mind, you're the best in the world. After all, the whole world revolves around you.

Always think about others. The world may revolve around you, but people won't love you unless you love them. Be kind and considerate. Humility, however, is optional because anyone with narcissism only possesses hypocritical humility, which is a sense of, "Look at how humble I am. Adore me." People will think of you as a better person than you are, and they respect you, giving you more control over their thoughts and their actions through peer pressure. Tell people that you're so nice because you are considering other people. You aren't lying, too. You are deeply considering the fact that they will be judging you if you do the wrong thing. Be kind, not because you are naturally and truly kind (because narcissists never are), but because it's what other people want you to do. Again, respect others, and they will respect you. If you're lucky, they will be malleable and submit to your reign of superiority, and their world will revolve around you. That does not imply, however, that it does not already revolve around you because it obviously does.