My family is Chinese. Anyone can tell by our straight black hair, brown eyes that minimize when we smile, and my parents' insistence that their kids grow up to be prodigies and/or doctors. Also, we buy out the entire rice section if rice is ever on sale. We are not out of the ordinary.

Right now, the TV is tuned to the local news channel, and we are talking about how to sound more American. My sister and I have no problem with this, having been surrounded by English speakers for years. Mom doesn't have a big problem with English because she attended a British school in Hong Kong.

Dad is the exception. Raised in rural China until he went to college in Canada, he picked up English from friends and teachers. Regardless, he is sure that he is more American than us. The conversation turns to future vacation plans, but he's clearly still thinking about the previous topic.

Dad: “Do you know how close is Connecticut and Boston?”

“You mean, Do you know how close Connecticut and Boston are in relation to each other?” I correct him. “Very far apart?”

“No! From Connecticut to Boston you could throw stones.”

“You mean a stone's throw. Connecticut is a stone's throw from Boston.”

“Yes, throwing stones. So after we visit Yale in Connecticut we'll go to Canada.”

“Wait, what about the other colleges on the East Coast? Like NYU.”

“No! You have to go to an Ivy League. If you graduate from Yale, every other university will accept you with two arms!”

“Open arms.”

“Yes, both of the arms. Go to an Ivy League.”

“Okay, Dad.”

“Then we will go to New York and New Jersey.”

“Why didn't we live on the East Coast? Then we wouldn't have to worry so much about this trip. Heck, why didn't we live in Canada? Then I wouldn't worry so much about Harvard.”

“Well, there's no use crying while spilling milk.”

“Wait, what?”

“So what my plan is that I plan that we visit New York, New Jersey, go to Canada and see McGill, UT, McMaster, Queens, maybe Waterloo.”

“What about Washington, D.C.? Aren't we going there?”

“Shh! Hold my horse, I'm not finished telling about my plan yet!”

“Dad, it's … well, go on.”

“And then we'll come southwards and through Niagara Falls.”

“Through the Falls? Wait, can I ride a barrel down the waterfall this time?”

“You really want to do that? No, you must be, you know, trying to pushing at my leg.”

“Pulling my leg, Dad.”

“Who is?”

“All right, so after Niagara Falls?”

“We can visit Auntie May and Uncle Gary while we're helping Jensen look at colleges in Canada, so Mom is happy and you can be happy too.”

“Convenient.”

“Yes, like killing two birds with one hand.”

“Dad, one stone. You kill two birds with one stone.”

“Why use a stone? I have strong hands.”

“Never mind.”