Wow! That’s insane! I can’t believe that the president of the United States is actually a robot being controlled by little martians inside of him. Please, tell me more.

Is there anybody less enjoyable to be around than crazy conspiracy theorists? These people get all of their information from websites like Twitter and Reddit, but they swear they are free thinkers. According to them, the words of NoobSlayer69 on the internet are more trustworthy than the words of experienced doctors, historians, and scientists. They will berate you for listening to an expert scientist say that the Earth is going through climate change. However, they will believe injecting Windex into your blood will prevent you from getting Coronavirus. 

Oh, the moon landing is fake you say? I bet George Bush did 9/11 too. How’d you come up with that one? I find it rather convenient that every one of these self-proclaimed free thinkers all have the exact same conspiracy theories. It’s almost as if they all get their false information from the same source. That doesn't sound very free thinker of them.

If you can deal with the excruciating amount of stupidity coming from the mouths of these conspiracy theorists, talking to them is surprisingly humorous. Their absurd statements and brain-dead logic are loaded with irony. My personal favorite is when they tell you not to believe everything that you are told. “You need to think for yourself,” they say. They will then proceed to explain to you the most bullsh*t idea they read from some random person online. “You’re wearing a mask because the government told you it stops the spread of COVID? You need to stop believing everything you’re told and start thinking for yourself. They only want us to wear masks because they release some alien slime into your nose. They’re gonna take control of all of our brains and turn us into robots.”

A conspiracy theorist's favorite hobby is blatantly ignoring fact and reason. If you were to show them the increasing average temperature of the Earth over time, they would look you dead in the eyes and tell you global warming isn’t happening. If you were to show them the level of the ocean and the decrease in glaciers and polar ice caps, they would say that climate change isn’t real. Better yet, they will flip the script and try to make you believe that you’re the crazy one. “Do you really believe those numbers bro? They’re totally made up. Those pieces of evidence are completely fabricated by the government because they are the enemy.” 

Don’t even think about bringing up the government around these people because you will never hear the end of it. For them, the government is their sworn nemesis. What adds to the humor of this is the fact that they have no idea how the government works. They will blame any inconvenience that happens to them on the government. They could lose their phone, and somehow find a way to blame it on the government. Stubbed toe? Government. Paper cut? You guessed it, the damn government. 

At the end of the day, these people are only doing this in an attempt to be unique. At least I hope so. I pray they are not actually as stupid as they act. The sad thing is that they could be putting this energy and passion towards something beneficial. Imagine a conspiracy theorist focusing this dedication on their job or investing. They would be able to reap the benefits of their labor rather than walking around telling people they believe the moon is fake and the Earth is flat. They just have to make sure they don’t act crazy in the workplace too. Imagine a conspiracy theorist as a weatherman. The meteorologists would bring him the weather report and he would go on TV and read it. Right? Wrong. He gets the queue that they are live and he immediately goes off script. “The government wants you to believe that there is a severe tornado warning. However, that is completely fabricated. They are trying to brainwash you. They want you to stay indoors so they can release chemicals into your home and turn into zombies. They are trying to control you. Don’t listen to them, and go outside.” The crazy thing is that people would believe them too. Let’s just hope the majority of people are not this stupid.