“Anna B.”

I approach the board. My face depicts a confident composure, but my heart races with adrenaline and excitement. I make the ascent up three stairs. Just beyond the sea-green board lay the water glistening—untouched. I adjust the fulcrum and stand ready.

“303C-reverse 1 ½ somersault tuck,” says the head judge.

What?! My eyes dart to the head judge. “May you repeat the dive please?”

“Yes. 303C-reverse 1 ½ somersault tuck.”

“I’m supposed to do a 302C-reverse 1 somersault tuck. I’ve never done a reverse 1 ½ by myself.”
“I’m sorry, but that’s the dive your coach submitted…”

I only tried this once, and it didn’t go well.
“…I’ll have to disqualify you if you don’t do this...”
The last time I attempted this dive, I went 1 ¼ flips and extended out straight with a slight arch in my back. Then, smack! The water felt like shards of glass ripping through my skin as I lay on top of the water…no, I can’t do this dive.

I search for my coach, Michele, seated amongst the judges. An apologetic expression floods her face. She mouths these words: “I’m sorry. You don’t have to do this. Don’t throw it—just balk.”
My blurry eyes pour drops of water down my dry face.

“…I’m sorry rules are rules…”the announcer says once more.

I didn’t drive six hours to be disqualified on the first dive.

“…you can do this dive.”

No, I can’t. You don’t understand.

The head judged disappears into his seat. I take a deep breath and look behind me to see all 46 competitors cheering me on. I glance to the audience to see my mother’s face twisted in confusion.

My eyes fall back to the water. Okay. I have to do this. I’m not giving up. I wipe my eyes and start walking. Whatever you do, don’t balk. Just hold on and chuck the dive. I reach the end of the board and peer towards the water. I feel myself in the air. My eyes squeeze shut as I tuck up into a ball. Don’t let go. Don’t let go. Here! Wait, NO! Don’t let go. My eyes peak at the water below. My legs extend as I slice through the water. I’m alive, or at least I’m not in pain. As I break the surface, every judge stands and cheers. The head judge pumps his fist and gives another judge a high-five.

As I drag my shaking body from the water, I am met by my teammate Claire.

“Good job! But, why did you chuck the dive? Michele said you could just balk.”

“I knew I didn’t want to fail without even trying.”

I know why I went. I went because of who I am. I don’t let the possibility of failing stop me from experiencing something new—no matter how terrified or unprepared I feel. When an unexpected circumstance presents itself, I do not balk. I am a chucker.