Finding Myself | Teen Ink

Finding Myself

September 24, 2014
By beanrau BRONZE, Granbury, Texas
beanrau BRONZE, Granbury, Texas
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

As a child growing up with a great support system at home, stress-relieving friends, and a promising gift for being a good student, I never thought I would have to use notes--that at the time I thought as silly-- from the D.A.R.E program. I knew kids would decide to make decisions opposed to my views but never had I thought it would be my friend.

In the ninth grade, I was an optimist. I was a person who gave people the benefit of the doubt and silently compared my opinions to peoples’ actions. Then one day I got a text from my friend. She said she had dabbled in “harmless, light drugs.” I did not know how to sort out my feelings. Everyday, for decisions, you choose a mental filing cabinet, find the right tab, and slide the decision behind it, but this was pure chaos. I wanted to file my feelings under one million tabs: angry, disappointed, alarmed, concerned, confused, and frustrated. Since I had only heard rumors of meer children experimenting with drugs and alcohol, to have my friend explaining what she had done was like being a businessman for weaponry being thrown onto a gory battlefield. The issue was no longer behind closed doors but knocking at mine. The situation tested my boundaries, and life outside was holding its breath to see what I would do or say.


And for a second I held my breath to see if she would quit for the sake of our friendship.

As her behavior persisted, I had to have a meeting with my morals to decide what to do, knowing that I was concerned for her well-being. I had to develop skills in dealing with difficult decisions, which I knew would unfortunately lend me help in my future although no one seeks out trouble to use these defensive capabilities. Given the tools by the D.A.R.E. program was like people making emergency prep kits; they exist but you hope you never have to pull from them. The knowledge that this situation provided me was painful but also a necessary evil for my character.As an example, junk food is enjoyable but to be physically sound, I have to choose the correct foods for my body; I only have one, so I knew I needed to learn to provide myself with the best platform for success even if it means exiling the unhealthy from my life.


The situation changed me in ways I was not expecting. Although I felt as if my friend had taken a piece of me with them, I also felt empowered and proud. In order to decide who I wanted to surround myself with, I had to contemplate who I was. I saw my trajectory, and it was not pointing down the same path her’s aimed. I did not want to escape like she did. I did not want an “adventurous life” like she did. I did not want to be frightened like she was. I wanted to escape by reading books. I wanted to have an adventurous life by riding The Titan at Six Flags. I wanted to feel frightened at haunted houses. And I did just that without having to put myself in unwanted positions like her because that was not me.



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