I had made sure Tris was in the pit that night. She was talking to her friend Christina. I walked out and started heading toward the fear landscape room. I didn't make any kind of eye contact or look in their direction. I wanted Tris to notice me, and follow me. I think I planned my walk just right because sure enough, she followed me. I had already been up there and had programmed my landscape and put the serum out so then we could go in faster. When we got up there, I waited for her footsteps to stop. I said "Since you're here, you might as well go in with me." I tried to say it normally but I wasn't sure if it came out like that considering I was so nervous. I mean, I had never brought anybody into my fear landscape and I have never opened up like this to anybody, let alone somebody I liked.
Well, after I had said that, she asked if that was possible. She said it with a nervous yet excited voice. That's one thing that I liked about her. She wasn't afraid to take risks. Like jumping onto a moving train or being the first to jump off a building. I told her that it was set to read my landscape, and as long as you had the serum in you, you could see it too. I had put the serum in her, and she had put it in me, and we started the landscape. We were in a room, and the walls started to come closer and closer. Claustrophobia. That's what this fear was. She asked me if that was it, and I just nodded because I couldn't get anything else to come out of my mouth. She suggested that we get on the ground and make ourselves smaller. I thought it was a pretty good idea. We had to try something, so we started to curl up together on the ground. I guess I was breathing pretty hard considering she said I needed to slow my breathing down, then she quoted what I had told her. She took my hand and put it over her heart. Tris told me to breath when she breaths because hers is nice and steady. We did that for a while, and then we were standing in a meadow.
There was a table with a gun. On the other side of the meadow there was a lady also holding a gun. I really hated the thought of murdering someone. It just blew my mind that someone would want to take someone's life away from them. Tris told me that I needed to shoot her. I already knew that, obviously, but it was a nice gesture. She said that the lady across the meadow wasn't real or she would have already shot us. She had a point. The lady would have shot and I would have been as good as dead. So I thought, she's not real. she's not real. Just pull and shoot. I pulled the trigger and the scene had changed.
We were now on top of a building. Tris asked me if we had to jump, and again I just nodded because I really don't like heights. I had to grab Tris because the wind made me feel like I was a piece of paper just blowing through the wind, I felt so light. She grabbed my hand and she started pulling me to the edge. "1...2...3...jump" she said and we were already mid-way toward the ground. When we hit the ground, the scene had changed.
This man was walking toward us. I said "Here we go". When he finally came into view,Tris gasped. She knew it was Marcus, my father from Abnegation, my father that left my mother, my father that beat me. He had pulled out a belt when he was only feet away from us. He started to raise it. I just stood there waiting for the hit that never came. I was confused at first because I heard the belt hit skin but didn't feel it. Then I realized that Tris had jumped in front of the belt and had taken it for me. I was shocked. The next thing I knew the belt was not in Marcus's possession anymore. It was in Tris's. She had yanked the belt out of Marcus's grip and started to beat him with it. I must have slowed my heart rate down because the scene had changed again.
It had changed into a scene that nobody knew of because I was Divergent and could manipulate the system. When I took my test for the fear landscape, I hid this side of me, my loving, caring, protective side. I had the power to overcome this fear before it even started because I didn't know who it really was or what it was about. But now it is finally clear. It was Tris and losing her. I think I had finally figured it out when she was the first jumper off the building. I grabbed for her hand and our eyes met. That's when I knew she was different and special because she was the one in my fear landscape. She was the one I was afraid of losing. I looked over at the real her, and I think she was in awe from seeing herself in my fear landscape. She saw herself being led away from us by these men and then tortured. She was put in a tank, and they started to drown her. I think seeing herself drown in my landscape made her drown in hers too because thats what happend when she did her landscape. But the worst part was that the only thing I could do was watch. So I walked over to the real her. I just hugged her and held her tight because I knew that was the only thing that would get us both through it. The scene had finally changed back to the place where we walked in.
We just kind of stood there for a while, then she said
"Your Marcus's son",
“yes”. I replied
She then asked why my nickname was Four when in reality I had five fears. I told her that I was different. I told her that when I took my test, I was able to calm down before it even started because I didn't know what it was about or anything, so really I only had four. When I pulled you out of the pit after you jumped, I knew it was about losing you. She hugged me we kissed, and we just stood there for awhile.