As far as I can see there are green grassy hills, trees blowing in the gentle wind, and wild flowers in a wild array of color. There are no fences, no walls, just free open land. But somehow I feel trapped. I don’t belong here. I’m not meant to live this way, I have a different destiny. I’m just not sure how I’m meant to fulfill it.

I walked home unwillingly. If I had it my way, I would just sit there and read all day. I would probably die without books. When I read the real world goes away and the book becomes reality. I can be whoever I want to be. I don’t have to be the girl who doesn’t fit in. But then the book ends and I’m back to reality.

On the way, I catch a glance of myself in the still pond by our home. I am nearly full grown at 15 years-old with a height of 5’5. My long brown hair reaches my belly-button. My most attractive feature would have to be my eyes. They’re green with a ring of yellow in the middle, cat eyes. I am very thin, and compared to my family pretty light-skinned.
As I walk up to my house my mother looks up from the laundry she is hanging and smiles at me. I returned the gesture. I love my mom, I love my whole family. They love me too, but they know I don’t fit in.

“Honey, would you give me a hand?” my mom called out to me.

“Sure mom,” I replied.

I walk over and pick up a shirt. It is sopping wet from just being scrubbed in the wash basin. Yeah, I said wash basin. Most people don’t wash their clothes by hand, or hang them up to dry. Most people don’t grow their own food. Most people don’t live practically in the middle of nowhere. But we do. Our whole tiny village does. There are about 90 people living here. They say everybody knows each other in a small town of like 5,000 people. Try 90.

Yeah so there it is. I live in a town that’s about 25 miles from any other civilization at all. No roads lead out here, so you have to know your way pretty well to figure out how to get here. People live here to get away from modern society, to live like people did before things like electricity or cars or even refrigerators were invented. I think they’re all crazy.

We live in a small house that my father built out of the surrounding trees when my mother and he first moved out here. It has two bedrooms, a small one for my parents, and a larger one for all 5 of us kids, my two older brothers, me, my younger brother, and my younger sister. There’s also a main room that has the kitchen and a sitting area. We have an outhouse to do our business, and we bathe in a large wooden bathtub that we fill with water from our well and then heat by the wood stove.

Like I said earlier, my family knows I don’t fit in here. So I’m not very close with them. We get along okay, but other than that there’s not much of a relationship, except when it comes to my little sister. She’s only 2, and I love her so much. I take care of her a lot, because I don’t help out with many of the tasks you do when you live off the land. I read to her a lot, and we play games too. I really hope she doesn’t treat me like an outcast when she grows up like everybody else does. It feels like she’s my only friend sometimes.

After I finish hanging the laundry I walk by the town meeting hall to see if there is any news to hear, I hear that the Smiths have left. That’s pretty big news. It’s not illegal to leave, obviously. But it’s very frowned upon. When children turn 18 they are allowed to leave, but are strongly encouraged not to. If a child were to leave before that age, they would probably be tracked down and brought back. That’s probably why no one has ever done it.

That night after everyone went to bed, I sit in a tree reading. I put my book down and think about that family. Why had they left? The Smiths are probably the family mine interact with the least. I know they have a daughter around my age. I wonder if they left ‘cause they didn’t like it here either. I have always wanted to leave, but, I never seriously thought about doing it, because I don’t know my way around anywhere. I could never get to town… I wonder if there is a map. Maybe a river that leads to town.
Whoa. Could I do this? Pull it off. I mean what would I do when I got there? Go to school, like I’ve always wanted to. But how? I had so many questions, but I didn’t want to worry about them. I just wanted to leave. Sure I’d miss my family. But I could come back and visit when I got older. This is crazy. But I want it so bad. It might be worth it.

I go in to bed after hours of thinking about my crazy idea. At this point I decide to go try and find a map and then go from there.


The next day I get up, help my mom make breakfast, like usual, and then go to ask my dad about a map. I find him out where the animals are kept working with the new foul.

“Hi, Dad.”

“Oh, hi Bailey.” My dad replies with a smile. “What’s going on?”

“Not much, I was just wondering if you had a map of around here. I really don’t know how to find my way around very well, and I thought that would help.” It really isn’t much of a lie.

“Hmmm. We have mapped the area, but I don’t keep one, because I know it too well. Why don’t you check down at the store? Ask mom for a quarter or two.” My father answers.

“Okay, thanks dad.” I smile as I thank him.
After I get the money from mom, I walk down to the store. I don’t go here very often, because there is very little that our family doesn’t get ourselves. I push the door open and see a man named Steve standing at a wooden counter at the front of the store. Only 4 rows of shelves fit inside.
“How are you, Bailey?” he asks politely.
“I’m doing fine, thanks. Yourself?” I reply.
“Good. What have you come in for?”
“Do you sell maps of the area?”
“Oh, we do. Have them right up here.” Steve points to a display of paper.
The map is 35 cents, but worth it. I look at it, and sure enough it shows the way to the nearest town. But, the nearest town is 25 miles away. That’s quite a ways on foot.

Tonight we all sit around a fire my brother made. The sky is dark blue with millions of twinkling stars. The moon is full and huge. We are toasting random foods on it, having a good family night. I watch my two older brothers mess around with each other, threatening to poke the other with the hot poker. My parents sit close together talking quietly and smiling. My younger brother is helping my baby sister cook some bread on the fire. I sit back and look at all of them. I would miss all of them so much. Even though we’re not super close, all of them love me. But, is that enough? I want to find my own happiness. I’m sick of being miserable. And besides, they wouldn’t miss me too much, plus I’ll come back one day. I’m leaving.
I spend the next two weeks planning my escape. I find my dad’s compass and secretly take it, I find a burlap sack I can pack food and other items in, and I get a blanket. I decide when to leave and how to do it.

Before my little sister goes to bed on the night I plan to leave, I kiss her goodbye and tell her I love her, and that I hope she’s happy. She just looks at me and says she loves me too.
This is the scariest thing I’ve ever done, by far. Leaving my family, my, home, everything I’ve ever known. It’s the craziest thing I can imagine, buts it’s the only way for me to be truly happy. And that’s exactly why I have to do it.