“No, Mom! Cut it out!” I screamed in terror. As my eyes fluttered open and s***, all I could see was the blur of limbs grabbing and slapping different parts of my body. “Stop!” I cried as I felt the doorknob of my bedroom door force a sharp pain into my lower back. She laughed and rammed her fist straight into my face. That’s gonna bruise. Slap after slap, I could feel a print start to burn into my skin. Tears started to rush from my eyes. Not in sadness, but in fear of the fact that this was only going to get worse.

6:48 AM THURSDAY

I could barely sit up anymore. I can’t ever remember how many hits I’ve taken. I think she even knocked me out once. Scared to look in the mirror, I shielded my eyes and walked straight to my closet. A t-shirt and leggings will work, it’s the usual. I wrapped a ponytail holder around my dirty, messy hair and put in a headband. I started digging through one of my drawers until I found my sisters old mascara. There wasn’t much left, but it will hopefully take away from the black eye. Without looking at my reflection, I grabbed what was left of Carli’s old perfume. She used to throw her old things into my room, but this was all I had since she left for college. “Where is that knife?” I thought to myself. I glanced over the the corner of the room where my bed was and saw it gleaming in the sunlight. Sticking it between the small opening and the ledge, I pried open the window. Sneaking in was a lot easier than walking in the front door and getting slapped. I grabbed my backpack and old black converse and ran out of my room. A protein bar should tie me over for the day, wouldn’t you think? I softly shut the door behind me and started my walk to school.
“Hey Bry… What happened to your face?” So it was noticeable.
“Take a good guess, Logan.” I wasn’t in the mood to talk about this, but I knew she was going to get it out of me somehow.
“It wasn’t your mom again, was it?” A lump started to form in my throat.
“Yeah. It was. Can we talk later?” Before she could even answer, I was off. I had always been really fast (thank God), but I had no endurance. Within five minutes, I was already walking again.

8:12 AM

I walked into the school building and immediately people were talking. I was used to the stares and it didn’t bother me anymore. I scared people, I REALLY scared people. Logan caught up to me thankfully, and we made our way all the way to S hall. “Hello girls. Why don’t you… take a seat.” Mr. Deric seemed really concerned. “Brynnly, may I have a word with you in the hallway please?” I already knew what was coming.
“Sure.” All of my classmates looked at me. Wild looks followed me all the way out the door.
“What happened to your face?” he asked with a slight suspicion.
“Well, my sister Carli came back to visit from college, and we were play fighting. A lot can happen with two teenage girls, you know what I mean?” I started to laugh to make my lie seem logical, but Mr. Deric kept a straight face.
“I’m very worried about you. Please try to protect yourself.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stated as clear as possible. I didn’t want to give anything away.

12:41 PM

The day had started slow. Biology, and then Algebra, but now it was lunch time. Although I don’t normally eat lunch, I like being around the few people who actually choose to hang out with me. Sitting with them is pretty fun most of the time.
“Hey!” Logan exclaimed as I took a seat in between her and Tehya. “You hungry?” Logan pulled out an extra sandwich and handed it to me.
“Thanks,” I said quietly. There were still people looking at my face. I had to get away, even just for a second. “I’ll be right back, I’m going to… wash my hands.”
“Okay!” Logan said. She was always so happy. It’s pretty awesome. I stood up and headed towards the bathrooms. They were back by the gyms where the boys basketball team was currently practicing. I walked into the restrooms and washed my hands off. There were still scrapes from where I had fallen. I peered out of the bathroom. Left, then right. Nobody was around so I continued back towards the cafeteria. Suddenly, Cooper and his best friend Lucas stepped out from behind the vending machine. God, I hate them.
“What happened to your face Brynn? Everything okay?” He giggled.
“Only my friends call me Brynn. And that doesn’t include you.” With a laugh and a glance to his friend, Cooper took a step towards me.
“I like that black eye. You want another one?” I didn’t know what was going to happen next. All I knew was I needed to get out of there. He threw a punch right to my eye but I dodged it and ran for the cafeteria. “Get back here!” he called out. I didn’t look back, but I knew that Lucas and Cooper were chasing me. Luckily, I made it to the cafeteria and they couldn’t continue after me. Lunch was over and I hadn’t even eaten. Great.

2:49 PM

One minute. One minute until I could leave with my best friend and not have to deal with the stares for the rest of the day.
“Attention students, school is over for the day. We will see you all here tomorrow!” Ms. Jackson said over the intercom. I grabbed Logan’s hand and sprinted towards the glowing red exit sign.
“What’s the rush?” Logan asked with a laugh.
“I’m tired of the looks for today. Where are we headed? Your house, the mall, the…”
“Brynnly, I already told you I can’t hang out today. I’m really sorry especially right now but I’m on a really tight schedule this week.” Logan’s expression didn’t seem happy anymore.
“Oh, okay. Well, um, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” I didn’t really know what else to say. I proceeded to the stop sign up ahead and took a left.

3:13 PM

Home, yay. I heard the sound of a bottle smash against the hardwood floor. She was home. I climbed up the white ladder I had hidden underneath the vines that led up the wall. Once I was in my room, I tried to be as silent as possible. I grabbed the towel I used yesterday off of the bathroom floor and walked into the bathroom. Whoa, the bruises were bad. Reaching into the shower, I twisted the knob for hot water but nothing came out. I twisted the knob for cold water. Still, nothing came out. Great. I wrapped a towel around my ice cold body and slowly walked down the stairs.
“Excuse me, mother? May I have a word with you?” I tried to be the best I could around my mom, hoping that one day things would get better.
“What do you want?” She glared at me with a disgusted look on her face.
“Um, ma’am I was wondering why the water is not coming out of the faucet.”
“I didn’t pay the bill. If there is a problem then I will just kick you out and you can see how you like that.” She was in a better mood than usual.
“No mother that won’t be necessary. Thank you for everything that you do for me and…”
“K, get out.” She stated firmly.
“Yes ma’am.”

7:30 PM

I had completed my homework, folded the laundry, fed the cat, made mom dinner, and completed all the tasks I had to finish for the day.
THREE MESSAGES: LOGAN BAIN
“Hey, would you like to come to youth with me tomorrow afternoon? I think you would really like it.”
“You can sleep over after if you want to.”
“Please Brynn. This is going to be really good for you.”
I’m a Christian. My mom isn’t, but I am. I used to go to church a lot. Then, as I started getting older my mom stopped taking me. I want to go, but should I? I don’t look like a church person. I don’t feel like a church person. But there is a God. He is the reason that I am still here today and that my mom hasn’t beaten me to death. I guess I will go. I have nothing else to do.

2:58 PM FRIDAY AFTERNOON

“We don’t have to be there for another 3 hours. What do you want to do?” Logan asked with a smile. I had a question, but I was debating whether to ask it or not. “Is everything okay?” she questioned.
“I have a question.”
“Okay, shoot.”
“Why does God let everything be so hard? Everybody is struggling in something but He just lets it happen and is like, ‘Here. Even though I created this, I’m also going to fix it.’ I mean, it just doesn’t make sense to me.” This has been lingering on my mind for a really long time now and I was determined to get an answer. Logan smiled.
“This is one of my favorite things to talk about. You don’t understand. God gives us the crappy stuff so that you can see the good that he has done in your life. Plus, you are always protected by God. You aren’t dead right? You have clothes, a house, and food to eat right?”
“Right,” I answered with a slight smile.
“Then God will take it from there. Trust me, I know that everything is going to be okay. You are just going to have to deal with the crappy part so that God can take over and show you what He is really made of.” She seemed so happy to talk about this and for once in my life, I felt pretty happy too.

6:27 PM

“We start worship in a few minutes! I’m so excited!” Logan was jumping around the room. I could tell she really wanted to get in there. I was excited too. I didn’t know what was coming, but I could feel in my heart a feeling that I had never had before. I was ready.
“Hey guys! Let’s worship Jesus in this place today!” one of the leaders declared. There were words up on the screen thankfully and I sang along. There was even a song where we got to dance. This was the happiest I had been in a long time.
8:09 PM

After the service, we had something called small group. I had never participated in something this awesome before. We talked about a lot and answered a lot of questions.
“So the final question is the best one,” stated Andy, one of the small group leaders. “What do you think that your next steps through Christ are?” Everybody got silent. I didn’t know if they were thinking or if they didn’t know what their next steps were. I didn’t really know either, but I wanted to get closer to God.
“Can I say something?” I asked quietly.
“Of course, anything,” replied Andy.
“I know one thing, and that is that I really want to get closer to God. I want to start my walk with him. I want to read the Bible every day. I want to start going to church again. Today has been one of the happiest days I have experienced for a very long time, and I love that. Worship gave me one of the most amazing feelings and I don’t know. It’s just now starting to hit me.” Everybody was quiet for a minute. Then Logan said something I didn’t see coming.
“I am SO proud of you.”

9:12 PM

I crawled back in my window pleading that my mom wouldn’t hear me. As soon as I got to my bed, I pulled out my phone and turned on some christian rap. It only made me smile as I leaned back onto the pillows. I heard a door slam and a bottle drop. Then I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Oh no.
“Hey honey. Ready for the nightly routine?” she laughed. I slid my phone into my pillow case discreetly. I was so used to this by now, but done all at the same time. Before I could even stand up, a hand slammed into my right cheek.
“Ow mom!” She said nothing. “Help! Someone help!”
“Shut up, will you? Now what were you doing on that phone? Let’s take a look.” I was scared of what she might say, but my faith is what is keeping me upright. Stand tall Brynn, stand tall. “Christian rap? God isn’t real stupid,” she declared.
“You’re wrong mom.”
“Oh I’m wrong, am I?” She started walking toward me and formed her hands into fists. Before she could take one more step I heard a voice.
“Jen, what are you doing to her?” It was my Aunt Stefanie. My mom went white.
“Um, we were just…”
“Save it. Cops are here. Don’t even think about running. I can’t believe you would do this to her. Come on sweetie, pack up some things. We are going to my house. It will be your new home.” I couldn’t believe what was happening. I was shaking and crying all at the same time.
“Is my mom going to jail?” I quivered, barely being able to get the words out.
“I don’t know honey. Either way you aren’t going to be treated like that ever again.” I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to recover from all of the stuff that had just gone down. I sat down on the cold hardwood floor and prayed.
Thank you God. This whole ‘religion’ thing has been really hard for me, but I get it now. I will not ever be able to thank you enough for this God. Thank you, thank you, thank you.