My eyes began to drift shut as I ready to take the final leap of faith off the rickety chair I am shakily  standing on. The faint sound of squeaking from my shuffling feet disrupts the chairs balance, sending me back to when the squeak was from a bed instead of a chair, and a man was disrupting the balance of my world. The breath of my adopted father fanning across my face with the pungent aroma of beer, his hands traveling in places a father should never ventured. No matter how many times I showered, I couldn't get him off of me. He is still is in every inch of my skin, and I can't escape this nightmare. I refuse to wake up another day with the lingering emptiness that has been in place for a year. I demand to not feel anymore, since the only feeling I have felt has been pain and sadness. I have not peacefully slept in so long that I can't even fathom what my dreams could contain. I just can't live anymore, so here I am.

      The sandy twisted rope perfectly hooked to the open beam in my bedroom, my hands gripping the noose I had tied earlier today. I slowly descend the rope around my delicate neck, desperate to exit my tortured life. I deeply breath in my last taste of oxygen, and plummet my body to my hanging demise.

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    How am I still alive? Can I breath? Where am I? Am I in heaven? As my awareness of my surroundings start to return I hear the mumblings of a feminine voice frantically whispering in my ear, "Addy, Addy are you alright? Please say you are alright because I need something to live off of here."

    I weakly lifted my head off the ground to turn towards the person whom was so concerned with my well being. This girl must have been around 18 with her youthful, bright mix of gold and blue for eyes, without a trace of bags bringing darkness. Her nose was delicately placed on her angled face, her cheeks blazing in a blush that highlighted her beauty. I can’t help being envious of this flawlessly figured person who looked like a porcelain doll, as oppose to my awkward mid-teen appearance. What do I have to brag about? My obnoxious number of freckles? My mud brown eyes? Oh wait, my boring, pin straight auburn hair that never is the “right” shade of red to be cool? But I digress from my internal hatred session about myself, as I need to figure out what in the hell is happening.

   "Who are you? How do you know my name? Where am I?" The female stranger crookedly smiled at me as my barrageof questions assaulted her, "Why, I see your curiosity hasn't dulled a bit even as your heart beat decreases. My name isHope, and of course I know you, silly! Everyone in this kingdom knows of you!"

    I decided to ignore the strange notion that a whole kingdom was watching me, "A kingdom? What, did I transport 

myself into a fairytale? Is this supposed to be my version of hell? Don't tell me I have to wear heels for eternity because I

may just have to pass on that offer."

    "No, of course this isn't hell! This is the kingdom of happiness......or at least it used to be. Ever since King Breen has taken over, it has been decimated to become the land of the desolate....but that explanation is for later! We need to quickly go to Queen Joyce so you can have your questions answered and we can all be saved!" hurriedly stated Hope.
    "Whoa, whoa, whoa, who is Queen Joyce? And what are we being saved from?" I asked, mystified by my new companion's boisterous attitude and plan of action, "Oh hush, just let me do the leading and follow along. Have a little faith in me, will you?" said Hope playfully.
     I decided to follow her directions, as I became entranced by the scenery around me. It seemed I ended up in a barren field where only a scarce amount of trees were in the far distance. The sky was filled with gray clouds that looked like it could release a shower on the land at any minute, as crows flew ominously over our heads. There was an absence of color of any kind, even as we continued to walk through the field and the shameful tree groupings they called "a forest".
    It was only till a break came in the trees did I see splatter of pastel colors fill my vision. An impulsive smile stretched across my face as my eyes took in the baby blue and sunshine yellow, which happened to be my favorite colors. The same colors I would consistently paint in all of my adoption homes, to comfort my anxiousness with their calming effect. The soft colors were now dully laid across a luxurious palace which exuded warmth and love, even from the outside.
    "That's the palace for the kingdom of happiness, where Queen Joyce lives. Just the place we need! Come along now, we don't have all day.....or even an hour at this rate. Please hurry along," Hope said, tugging on my arm as if we were running from a murderer.
    "Are we in danger?" I asked hesitantly, afraid of the answer, "Yes, very much so. That's why you need to do more than a snail's pace. We need to move it, there is still time!"
     At the main foyer I was engulfed in the smell of freshly baked cookies, like the ones my birth mom used to cook when I was having a bad day at school. “To fill you with the warmth you need, my sunshine,” she would sing to me.
     Hope led me through the intricate hallways of the endless palace, passing by a library styled just the way I imagined my dream home to have. Finally, we entered a room with plush armchairs around a large, rectangle table scaled to the height of the chairs. In one chair sat a woman whom gave off a motherly quality that I was very fond of, as her warm, milk chocolate eyes searched my own.
     “Hope, thank you for bringing our beloved Addy as quick as you could. You may go off and enjoy your spare time at the waterslides,” said the woman with a caramel melting voice whom I assume is Queen Joyce. As Hope exited the room, I couldn’t help but have a yearning to follow her since she made me feel good for once.
     “Ooo, can I join her? I love waterslides, especially the long, high ones that make you scream out of fear, but smile from being brave enough to be going down it,” I said excitedly.
    “Well that’s the very reason this palace has a waterslide, because you are happy while you are on them. Your happiness is what runs this palace and the people within it, Addy,” softly stated the Queen, hesitance coloring the warmth radiating from her crinkled eyes.
      I was stunned with what she implying, like I was the ruler of this world without me even knowing it. “Are you guys my guardian angels or something? Is what you’re trying to save me from, hell?”
         “No Addy, who we are saving you from is yourself,” whispered the Queen.
      As the words fell from her lips I started to chuckle bitterly, “Well it's a little too late for that, Queen Joyce. See, I already killed off any chance of me being saved, literally.”
      The Queen appeared smug as though she had knowledge that I was not privy to, as she declared “My dear, you are not lost yet. At this very moment your heartbeat is still pulsing in your chest, albeit faintly. Your breath is still exiting your mouth, you are still alive. You have a second chance at life, but you must seize it soon for the time for change is ending soon.”
      “But Queen Joyce, I want to die. I don't have any hope or happiness to live off of anymore. I am too weak to live a life like what I was living. Please understand I can’t live in a nightmare again,” I pathetically moaned. 
     “Ahh, but what you haven’t comprehended is that the evidence of how wrong you are about yourself has been presented in front of you multiple times since you’ve woken in this land. Addy, this isn’t some made up place that you are imagining. This land is your mind. This palace of comfort is built solely off of your happiness, and I am your joy that has been pushed aside for so long. Hope is the hope that you believed to be nonexistent but as you can clearly see she is thriving without a hitch.
            I was going to send Love out with Hope but he was too busy trying to hug a sad puppy that reminded him of you during that period where all that was formed on your face was a permanent frown. Also, he would spend too much time admiring your very presence by giving you hugs and kisses. It would just delay the task that needs to be done to save you,” she said as though it was trivial information that I am currently traveling around the grounds of  my mind.
    “So....you’re my joy? Where have you’ve been for a year? Did this whole palace go M.I.A.? I was so depressed, I had nothing inside of me that even resembles what you and Hope are making me feel. I needed you guys. How dare you leave me when I was at my weakest! HOW DARE YOU!?” I screamed as I was enraged by the thought that my happiness and hope didn’t disappear or die like I thought, but rather sat back while I plummeted into the nothingness I became.
    “We couldn’t helped you, Addy. We were taken over by the dark forces of Breen last year after you were raped, and we haven’t been able to change the kingdom of your mind back. Only you can defeat the depression that has taken over this land to make it so desolate. You can not only save yourself, but also this kingdom that loves you, and lives because of you. As soon as your heart stops, we cease to exist. Sunshine, please hear my words. You are worth your life, and there is still plenty to live for. As long as this palace stands you are going to have happiness and positivity in your life, and I refuse to go down without a fight a second time. These rooms in the palace will only get larger in size as memories of happiness, dreams, and hopes fill its contents. The only thing stopping you is a force that you have the power to defeat. You have been tricked into thinking you deserved the rape because you were wearing a tank top, like your adopted father told you, but you were just 14 years old and it was a sweltering summer's day. Honey, most people were wearing that kind of apparel that day. You are beautiful, scattered freckles, a crooked tooth, and all.  You are never alone with us on your side. I am made for your happiness, and I can promise you that life will be much happier after the depression of Breen’s rule is defeated.. All you have to do is admit the truth to yourself. Will you fight for your life?”
    With bleary vision from my cascade of tears, I said shakily, “Yes, I will”

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    Hope attempted to calm my nerves as we approach the woods that resided Breen’s liar, stroking my back and whispering encouragements in my ear. “Take deep breaths. You can do this. Remember that one time you conquered climbing that rock wall even though you had a tinsy, tiny fear of heights? This is your mental rock wall, and you will climb and come out alive if I have anything to do with it.”
    I know she was just saying these comforts to stop my slowly building anxiety attack, but it was working all the same. I was able to breath with a full pair of lungs, and think rationally. Queen Joyce had assured me that I would know what truths to admit to myself when I faced Breen, but I am doubting her faith in me. How am I supposed to be defeat a force that has defeated me before?
    But I can’t be negative. I must stay positive and be happy that I have a second chance at a life that is much more promising than before. With these thoughts a wayward breeze blew a branch back to reveal a rundown, grungy fortress that resembled a torture chamber which could only be Breen’s.
    Turning to Hope I whispered “You can’t be with me when I talk to him. I'm the only one who can save us. I’ll be fine, just stay here.” Hope nodded sadly, as the reality that our lives could end if I don’t say the right words started to set in. “I'll be here helping you from the sidelines. Just hope for anything and I'll make it happen,” she said confidently.
    I creeped forward on my hands and knees to be unseen in the bushes surrounding the lair, scuffing my converse sneakers as I went along the dirt and dried up grass that dug into my hands. As I peek up I see that I have the luck of having Breen keeping guard outside as though waiting for me to come and destroy him. It was within that first glance in the bushes that I connected the appearance of my depression and my adopted father. The two were of one entity, wreaking havoc on my life and destroying who I am. I am not to blame for my fall out, he is to blame. I am not my depression, my rapist is my depression.
    I lunged from the bushes, in a fit of rage at the figure standing in front of me. His pudgy face turned in my direction as his mouth turned into a conniving sneer. “Ah Addy, how nice of you to join me! Wanting to spend your last moments with your dear ole’ dad?”
    “I have the power to destroy you, Breen,” I declared with all the confidence in the world. I would not allow the dark side to win again.
    He laughed sarcastically in my face as the smell of beer filled the my nostrils “And how exactly do you expect to do that, little girl? Do I need to show you your place?”
    I pushed down the instinct to cower away at the threat of a repeat nightmare, but instead bit back with my words. “You are the reason I attempted suicide, but you won’t be the reason I die. I am worth more than what you ever bargained me for!”
    As the words passed my lips, Breen leaned forward as though in pain from being stabbed. “What the hell did you just do to me, kid? I will kill you myself if I have too.”
    I ignored his warnings and continue with my weapon of wisdom “I am not at fault for my rape. I was a young girl that was just trying to save herself from the sun and wanted to not get heat stroke. You took advantage of me, and you started ruining my mind like it was your playground to destroy. This isn’t a game, this is my life. I am taking back all the pain you put on me and hope that you can feel it too. Feel how lonely and fearful the depression can be, the guilt of not being enough, the horrid emptiness that accompanies the sadness, not knowing to live. I hope it tears you apart.”
    As though my words were like blows of a knife, Breen began to bleed until he couldn’t stand properly from the excruciating pain he was experiencing. Gasps of pleads filled the air, “Please, stop hurting me,’ I glanced down on his tortured face. I didn’t give in to any remorse, as I laid out the final words to conquer the demon that has terrorized my mind for too long.
    “You didn’t stop when I asked you too. You didn’t care about me, all you wanted to do was destroy me. You won’t get a second chance to kill me and my spirit. I want to live for myself, and I will do so without you dragging me down!” I exclaimed.
           As though his heart was crushed with a fist, Breen ceased moving. His black eyes become glazed as his soul exited his body to travel back to make the journey back to the darkness, never to dement my mind again. With a sigh of relief I finally looked back to see Hope, smiling with exuberance over the outcome of my confrontation.
          “We did it, Hope! Breen is never to rule the kingdom again,” I exclaimed jubilantly, wrapping Hope into a death grip of a hug. She responded just as fiercely, pulling back with a determined look in her eyes, “Yes, you did it. I only helped out a little. Now, we don't have much time, but I need you to remember from here on out. Never lose hope Addy, there's always hope.”
           Slowly a bright light started to blind my eyes until I was forced to shut them to protect myself from the rays of light. “Hope I can't see you! Don't leave, I need you!” I screamed out in fear of losing my first real supporter in years who loved me. A whisper caressed my ear, “Lovely, I will never leave you. We are all always right there in your heart. Don't be afraid to give into the light. Live your life the way it was supposed to be lived before Breen.”
            With that encouragement and excitement for a fresh start, I gave myself over the brightness. I knew my new life would be hard, with my near suicide attempt over everyone's heads but I was ready to face the challenges. I was worth living for. With a flutter, I cranked my sensitive eyes open. I was in a hospital bed, with my heart monitor going wild.