‘Hatch Snatcher Donut Thief’

For the fifth time this week, Margie’s Bakery had called the cops, on what they dubbed the ‘Hatch Snatcher Donut Thief’. The small town bakery made the best donuts in Nashville, Tennessee declared by locals and Eaters Weekly. With its homey charm and welcoming atmosphere, no one had ever thought that it would be the victim of such crimes. 

The owner's cat, Mingling, had been questioned in a recent news article that went over the series of events. The owner had later assured reporters that Mingling was not responsible for the missing donuts as she is gluten free.

“Honestly, I don’t know how you could assume my cat is the Hatch Snatcher Donut Thief. She’s an absolute angel and never causes any issues in my working environment,” says Margie, the owner of the fine establishment, regarding the acquisition. 

Many workers on late night and early shifts had reported hearing thuds and munching noises coming from the back room, where all the extra donuts are stored. When they gathered all their wits and checked on the back room, only crumbs remained of the dozens of batches baked only hours before. 

The most common consumed flavor is strawberry frosting, which normally goes missing around the early morning hours of 1:00 am to 3:00 am. Looking back at the newly improved security system no intruders have been spotted. In fact a private investigator that had been reviewing the case, revealed this alarming information:

“There are actually no signs that the recordings had been tapered. There were no loose strings left by the common criminal. As much as it embarsses me to admit this the only thing we can see on the tape is floating donuts and crumbs flying everywhere.”

When the tape was played again with volume noises such as “Gooble Gooble”, “Gooba chuba”, and “Munch Munch” were heard along various other noises. These noises are odd to say the least, but don’t come off menacing. This has led to the belief that the ‘Hatch Snatcher Donut Thief’ is a prank, but this has left many suspicious of this theory, as someone consuming as many as the missing donuts, would have gained an unbelievable amount of weight. This is no mere four donuts missing per night, instead four dozen a night. 

Mack Willham, an employee at the bakery, had a shift scheduled at 2:00 pm to start. Margie had him on the “sign twirling” shift. He was dressed in a large donut suit, a pink frosting one with sprinkles the size of fire extinguishers. The suit looked just as good as their real donuts. If it didn’t Margie would have had a fit because she paid a professional $4,000 to make it. Mack was a grumpy teenager who always complained about freshmen and his job there, which he begged for.

“The people at school could see me in this stupid costume, and I’ll never hear the end of it,” he complained.

“Here at Margie’s Bakery we don’t care about high school dramatics, especially from someone who constantly misses their shifts and doesn't know that sprinkles and jimmies are the same thing. Now, hurry up and get out there before we lose more customers,” yelled Margie at Mack who flipped the bird at her behind his back and stalked off.

While Mack did bring in some customers, he also decided to skip half of his shift and run around town with his friends in the donut costume screaming the Gingerbread Man song with the replacement of ‘gingerbread man’ to ‘donut man’. When he finally got back to the bakery it was 9:00 o'clock at night. He used the key under the poinsettia pot at the door to unlock the door and quickly disarmed the security system. 

At this point only the following 10 minutes were caught on the security camera before it short circuited. After entering the bakery, the large donut is seen walking into the back room with the rest of donuts. He never bothered to turn on the lights, but with the night vision camera we can see and hear that he did not bother to walk around the tables carefully. Once the door into the back room closes, we switch the feed to the backroom tape. Mack can be seen walking into the very back where the donuts are kept. Then we hear a high pitched scream, like a little girl who saw a spider, next Mack stumbles back a few steps. There is a look of mortification on Mack's face as he looks pale as a ghost. It is at this point the feed cuts off, but not before we see a fairy translucent hand reach out and grab Mack to drag him back into the depths of the shadowed area. 

When the scene was visited the next morning all that was left was a large, pale blue sprinkle with a bite taken out of it.