I always tried to be nice, if I went too far I would think about it without stopping for days, If I lied to someone for my benefit I would be feeling guilt days later even if it was the littlest thing. But now I'm an old man who looks like a raisin.

“Don’t worry honey, you didn’t cause the fight.” Mother said. 

Did I though? I hit him and I felt sorry. But did I feel sorry? I feel like I did, I froze up immediately. Thinking about this makes me sick, like that memory you stick in the back of your mind because you don’t want to think about it. 

When I think about it, I feel like I'm experiencing every single second of it once again.

 “Hey Johnny.” Edward exclaimed.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll never forgive you for what you did."

He would never forgive me. It was my fault I caused it, I just wanted to feel good about myself so I lied. I lied because I wanted others to think highly of me. I lied because I wanted the guilt to go away. I lied because I was lonely. I lied because I thought people would start liking me. They didn’t, I was more lonelier, people thought of me as scum, and the guilt got even worse. As I lay on my deathbed I wish, I wish I could visit the past and make the outcomes better.