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Lewis the Drunk
Once upon a time, a person called Lewis lived in Purehold, a small town. Lewis’ family owned a bar. They didn’t allow him to drink, considering he was still a child.
In late October, Lewis and his friends celebrated. Since it was a special day, his friends suggested this: "Why don’t we go to your family’s bar? Call them, saying they need to meet you near the fire station. It’ll be worth it!" Lewis illuminated like a light bulb at the suggestion and followed up quickly.
They passed the doors and seated themselves. They each ordered a glass of alcohol of their choice. Lewis confidently said, "Give me a whiskey, double." The bartender smiled and soon brought everyone’s glasses. One gulp, two gulps, and eventually three. Everyone was flushed red like a beetroot, signaling it was time to leave. Lewis waved his goodbyes with frazzle. As he watched his friends hobble to the door, his eyes slowly drifted towards the alcohol shelf. Lewis gulped and shouted out, "Gimme a bottle of your whisk-hic-ey!"
"Sir, you seem heavily drunk. Are you sure you’d like to continue?" The bartender was sweating. Lewis firmly insisted on it until the bartender had no choice but to comply with his demand. Lewis twisted open the bottle and drank straight from it as he wobbled with the wind on his way to the outside area. The bushes shivered as the wind passed by. Lewis took a quick chug and carefully placed the bottle beside his feet, as you would for a card pyramid. He exhaled and took out a cigarette. With his eyes lazily opened, he lit his cigarette and exhaled a puff of smoke. Suddenly, he heard his mother’s voice: "Lewis!!" He floundered as he turned around to check, dropping his cigarette and spilling the alcohol. Everything after that was a blur. There was a thud, a shatter, some smoke, and a fiery blaze.
Lewis woke up in a hospital bed in a white room. He could hear chattering coming from outside. Someone said: "My child, he’s still young! He can’t die yet. He has his whole life ahead of him. Today he’s supposed to be a firefighter!... I know... He’ll be in despair."
After that whole incident, he was lectured nonstop. Lewis rolled his eyes. "Mum, I’m 36! I’m really sorry, alright?" Lewis swore to never drink again and would repent in his mind:
With a jovial attitude,
I shout out to a snowy mountain:
"I could use another!"
The mountain melted.
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In this set-piece, I used some colloquialism. For example, Lewis, the main character, uses slang like "Gimme" instead of "give me." I did this to show a more natural manner of speech, also considering he was intoxicated. I also used some similes, like comparing the drinkers and their faces to beetroot. Near the end, "thud" and "shatter" were onomatopoeias. This set-piece had the original goal of creating a satire about carelessness and following the writing style of Osamu Dazai’s “Romanesque” (translated by Ralph F. McCarthy). “Romanesque” is a short story composed of three parts (mine is modeled off of the second “Jirobei the Fighter”) in a collection called “The Twilight Years” that got translated to English and put in another collection called “Blue Bamboo”.I started the story with the classic "Once upon a time" and explained some information about Lewis. I also used colons a lot when other people were talking (not all the time, though). I achieved satire, mainly through the use of irony (ex: Lewis is a firefighter and starts a fire; his parents consider him a child when he’s not one). I also foreshadowed the idea before using irony, like when I wrote that his family considered him a child. I never wrote that he actually was one. I also ended the story with my own poem. The poem is only four lines, each line representing a moment in the story. Line 1, is supposed to represent his mood when he is drunk. Line 2, the “snowy mountain” is supposed to be conscious, what would normally stop him from doing something careless. Line 3, is what he is trying to do. Finally, Line 4 is representing how his conscience is no longer stopping him (since his mind is hazy from the alcohol).