The Real Story about Santa Claus


Hello. I’m Santa Claus. You know. On Christmas Night, I come and give you presents in your socks, right? Well, I’ve come to tell you about the real me. You know that, “Ho-ho-ho” thing? Yeah. I don’t do that. I mean, who goes around shouting, “Ho-ho-ho” anyway? Also, the beard and moustache? Shaved it. It was just too much trouble. I’d take a step and trip over my own beard.
I’ve also been taking exercise sessions at the gym, so I’m a lot skinnier. Last year, I got stuck in a chimney I was trying to climb down. It took me an hour to wiggle my way out! Ever since, I’ve been taking daily trips to the North Pole Local Gym.
My elves don’t make your toys either. We buy them at Toys ‘R Us! My elves just buy the toys. You can’t have a celebrity like me running around with a shopping cart full of toys at Toys ‘R Us, could you? I would get so much bad publicity my head would spin. The news interviewers would be on me like a child on a new toy. I could see it now. “Santa Claus stoops to buying at Toys R’ Us”.
And let’s talk about those reindeer. Now come on, you all take World Geography this year or at least have looked at a globe. Well use your brain, how could I possibly get around the entire world in one night on a sled with magic “flying” reindeer. All I can say is, “Thank you Federal Express!”
Also, during the winter, I’m the Santa Claus you all know and love. But during the summer, I like to get down with my posse! And remember. Santa Inc. is not a non profit organization, so please send all donations to Santa Incorporated – Remember the children are counting on YOU!

Thank You and remember I’m watching.