“It’s your turn Harvey” I whispered to my husband in bed next to me. All I got in response was a loud disturbing snore. I crawled out of bed and slowly stumbled down the hall where there was the usual crying of my 3 month old son. I picked him up and began to wonder what it would’ve been like to have stayed the commander of the hospital rather then make the difficult transition into motherhood. I’ve always asked myself so many times, “Have I made the right choice?”

When I made this decision I knew I was making the decision to abandon all of my friends, and just sit around with my child all day and care for him. I had so much more free time during my military career as the commander of a hospital. I may have been on call twenty four hours but I wasn’t on duty twenty four hours. I felt so lonely during motherhood. I had no friends to talk to, only a crying baby who understood I’m his mommy and would just look at me with an occasional giggle or chubby little smile.

Managing a hospital and mothering have totally different kinds of difficulty. Kids don’t always listen but in a military hospital they jump to it and if they don’t listen they get fired but you can’t fire your kid. No matter how frustrated you get with a child you will always have to love them because they need you. It’s that love you have for them that gives you the energy to get up in the middle of the night, it’s the love you have for them that gives you the ability to tolerate being vomited on repeatedly, and it’s that same love that makes you want to be a mother more than any reason.

Sure I made lots of money as the commander of a hospital but I wasn’t getting that feeling that I’m needed. Sure I was wanted but I wasn’t needed. Mothers can’t be replaced. You get the feeling that you’re needed when you’re a mother though. I didn’t get paid with money as a mother but I was paid with love, the feeling that I was needed. That’s the best part of being a mother. If you ask me motherhood just scored a touchdown and won this super bowl. Mothering may be the hardest job there is out their, and sure it is a hard transition, but nothing, absolutely nothing can beat the power of love.

“Finally, the crying has ceased” I whispered setting my son down. I can rest now and know that this hard transition is so worth the love from a son of my own.