Dear Scarlette
The days now have turned into weeks.. and I haven't been to able to be sure of the date since April 23rd when I left. I feel like I'm starting to lose myself darling.
It's so different out here.
Everything here feels so real, yet so fake at the same time. The pressure out here is so strong, it almost makes you forget what things feel like back home. It almost feels unreal. Like nothing back home ever happened... It's been so hard with Reed and everything. The last time I saw him he was shaking in my arms...
We were camped relaxing outside an abandoned base roasting marshmellows by a fire when they took us by suprise.
We were roasting marshmallows... because, it kind of almost makes you feel like youre back home. Safe. Sound. Where everyone you love is safe and close. Close enough you could wrap your arms around them. Lifts the mood a bit, brings home a little closer. It kind of makes all the fighting and pain around you almost dissappear.
Almost.
But that's when it hit us. The fire came in hot. All around us. We scrambled. Russell and Ford were the first to get hit. It was obvious there was no saving them. High caliber rounds tore them apart. Me and Reed grabbed our weapons and fell back.
He was right behind me...I swear...i swear he was right behind me... He took on to the chest and his last few moments were spent shaking in my arms as he bled out...his last words were about his wife Jane. He said make sure i make it home so i could tell her this, Dear God Scarlette.....he was shaking in my arms with tears in his eyes...."The last woman on my mind was my Jane, I loves her so much. Hang in there because she will be okay..
I will be with her soon..."
Oh my God....baby...I miss you so much....when does it end? One thing we have to face out here, is that one moment people are alive, the next..they are gone. Forever. No matter how close you are to that person, even if you have known them from middle school...and he was your best friend for life. You two went through your entire life side by side...one minute they could just...die....and you will never ever speak or see them again...uhh. God......I can't...I can't. He's gone. Reed is gone. I don't know what to do. He was my best friend. I feel empty. So many others are gone. There is no way you can understand it, how or why it happens. You just have to accept it.
Scarlette, you are the one keeping me sane right now. You are the reason I keep going. I keep moving on. The reason I don't just give up and lay down and wait to die like the rest. I love you baby. I love you. I will come home to you. I love you so much. Ugh. My everyday is lived, I fight everyday, I make every move, with the prayer that God will bring me home to you soon.
I love you Scarlette. We are once in a lifetime. I'm so thankful to God that you're spending that lifetime with me.
I love you