Mandolin,
How can you be gone? Why did you leave me behind in this treacherous world while you get to go on to the world beyond? Heaven! How could you do this to me? How? You get to go live with God while I live with freakin parents who don’t get anything. You are the only one who understood me and cared about me on earth. (Well, God cares, but he’s not here) He’s in heaven where you are. Why? Why couldn’t you take me with you, or you stay here with me and we suffer together in this rotten world. Why? Also why can’t I feel my legs? Forget this!





























Mandolin,
Why did you get to die in the car crash? Why couldn’t I die with you? Why did we get hit by a drunk driver? Who was the driver? I want to find out who it was so I can chew him out for killing you and leaving me behind. Why am I so full of questions? Well I always have been. I keep saying why a lot. You should be happy now. I’m left without a friend on earth now. Why didn’t I die or my sister, Aspen? I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt like you. We both were sitting in the back. How come Aspen didn’t die? She was the driver. Why did God chose for you to die and not me? We were both suffering in this world so why couldn’t he kill me too, with you? Also I still can’t feel my legs.

Mandolin,
Hey again. Are my letters keeping you alive in Heaven? Are you an angel in heaven? If you are that means you would be the first girl angel. Because it says in the bible there are only boy angels, but it could have changed over time. The bible was written over a bazillion years ago. What’s it like? What’s God like? Is he magnificent like we on earth imagine him to be? Well I’m doing pretty well. I bet you already knew that though because you are watching down on me. I’m still in the hospital with a thousand cuts all over me. I still don’t know how I survived. I really don’t know what all that’s wrong with me. I think my legs are broken. No one has really told me anything. Oh well. I’ll live with it like I’ll live with you being gone. Aspen didn’t get hurt that bad. She just has some minor injuries. That’s because the car hit us on your side. But I was in the same position as Aspen, but in the back. So how come she got away with minor injuries? Well I have to go get more x-rays. Peace!

Mandolin,
Well, Aspen’s car is totaled. The drunk driver ended up being killed. Is that a good thing? Is he up there in heaven or is he in hell? Ask God for me! I already miss you. How am I going to live without you? I feel really bad for your parents. They never really got to say bye to you because remember we were taking you home from spending the night at my house on Saturday. Aspen is in the bed right by me and she says hi. She misses you to. I hate everyone. They keep telling me I just need to forget and all that jazz. They said I still have other friends so I should be ok. But I really don’t like any of my other “so called friends”. They don’t share a bond like me and you. We understand each other. You knew all my secrets. Even though we’ve only been friends for a year now I still love you the most. Tell my grandpa’s Emil and Ray hi for me and all my other relatives. Is it cool to see all your family up there? Love you!

Mandolin,
I just want someone. I want someone who I can talk to and tell all my inner thoughts to. I want someone who I can lean on and trust not to drop me. I want someone who won’t judge me or laugh at me. I want someone who will hold me tight and never let me go. I just want someone to love me for whom I truly am. I know God could be this person, but I want this someone to actually be alive and breathing. You use to be this someone, but now since your dead I have no one. Thanks for being such a great friend. You were nothing more and nothing less. I miss you. Hope you are missing me.

Mandolin,
I don’t know why I’m writing you letters? Can you get letters in heaven? Hope you can! If you can’t get them will they be sent back to me? Well maybe you are getting them because I haven’t gotten one letter yet! That would be pretty cool. Is there a mailman who is like a spirit and delivers all the mail to heaven? Are you a spirit in heaven? Do you have the shape of a human and are you solid like one? I have a lot of questions for you! Why aren’t you writing back? Is it possible for you? Will you at least send me a sign you receiving my letters? Have God help you! Tell him Hi again for me and that I love him and tell Jesus thank you for dieing on the cross for me and all the other people out there. Ok? Thanks! How about you just say hi to everyone up there for me? Is heaven in the sky? Is it past the clouds? Is it past the stars and the planets? Is it higher than anyone can imagine and where no one can penetrate it? I’m missing you more and more with every passing day! Well I’ll see you later!

PS: I have another question. (Sorry) I was wondering, when you go to heaven what do you look like? Do you look the same way you did before you died? Do like older people look younger? Can you choose to look however you want? Are you glowy lights? Sorry for pestering you. I’m just curious.