“So tell all the English boys you meet, about the American boy back in the states. I hope the next boy that you kiss has something terribly contagious on his lips.”
“But…” she stammered. Slamming the phone down in frustration, I picked up a picture of her and threw it across the room. It’s 8:45, but I pull myself out a daze and shuffle through the cabinet under the sink. Pulling out a dusty bottle of whiskey, I take a long swig, hoping that the poison in the bottle will leave me broken, sore, and stiff. Intensifying my feelings, the burning feeling that rushes down my throat is exhilarating.
This feeling is her, Jess. She ignites the passion inside of me, both hatred and love. The phone rings again and I let it go because at this point I’m shaking. As betrayed as I feel, I’m so desperately in love with this girl. Inhaling slowly, the bitter stench of whiskey fills my nostrils.
“RIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNG.” The phone rings a second time and I grab it; holding it up to my ear I hear her soft breathing on the other end. The sound entices me and I realize how much I really miss her.

“ What do you want Jess?” I ask clenching my teeth in an effort to mask the pain.

“Jacob?” Emotion floods my voice as I choke out, “I’m sorry.”

“No Jacob, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to do this over the phone, but I’m not in a position to do it in person. We are over. I am officially done with your b***sh**.” Those last few lines ring in my ears. Suddenly, all the anger surges through my body. My head is pounds.

“How could you do this to me! I gave you everything.” I scream into the phone. Regaining my composure I say, “You’re never going to get it right, you’re never going to get it.”

“What does that even mean Jacob?”

“If you ever said you miss me then don't say you never lied.”

“We just aren’t the same anymore, this is honestly for the best.”

“Have an awesome time in England Jess, but remember the American boy you used to date, who would do anything you say,” I say dryly, then set the phone back on its hook. I lunge for the bottle of the counter and take a large gulp. Wiping my mouth with my sleeve I grab a grimy mug from the unkempt sink and stumble to the living room.
How is it that this one girl could provoke such destructive behavior in me? Slumping down into the couch I run my fingers along the velveteen exterior and I am thrown back in time.







* * * * *

It ‘s two years previous. Jess and I are in IKEA. She is goggling over this hideous brown couch that looked like someone skinned a horse and made it into upholstery. She sits down on it and pulls me down next to her. Cuddling on this ugly couch made me realize I was in love with this girl. I run my hands through her silky blond hair and kiss her forehead. I stand up and exclaim to the store, “ladies and gentlemen, I’ve found the one! And I will take it.”

Now, I am staring down at my hands the dim light from the kitchen casts a shadow upon them, making them look old and worn. Experience, this is just another stepping stone in my path that is life. But at this moment I’ve got a plan to drink forty days and forty nights, a sip for every second-hand tick. I am exhausted and dozing in and out of consciousness.

The next morning, I awake to the sunlight peering in through the windows. I lift my head up off the floor and my neck is as stiff as a board. I’m squinting my eyes like a newborn puppy because the light is blinding. My head throbs as though someone whacked me with a bat. I push myself up off the floor stagger over to the window. Gripping the curtain, I squint down at New York City. My loft, located a several stories above the bustling street, gives me a perfect view of bay and the breathtaking sunrise. I gather all the beauty of the world. Realizing there is so much more to life, I grab my coat and head out the door in search of a new adventure.