Ok, here’s the deal. We’ve all heard of the great Wizard of Oz, right? We’ve all watched the one thousand and one remakes of Alice in Wonderland. Plus, who hasn’t had to suffer through all of the Nicholas Sparks books made into movies? The books are the originals, and they are plagiarized into movies that ultimately suck. Having to produce all of these movies from already incredibly written masterpieces is such a drag. It’s a drag for the actors, for the directors, for the entire crew, and for the people who have to sit and watch a piece of crap movie that doesn’t give enough credit to the book that served as its inspiration. I think we should burn all movie adaptations of books, throw all the directors and producers into jail, and ONLY buy books!

Why does everyone say don’t judge a book by its cover? It’s because everyone does it. I even recall Abraham Lincoln telling me once, “I’m honest and I can honestly tell you this book looks stupid.” It’s true, we judge books from their boring, lousy covers. Jodi Picoult’s book covers, for example, make me want to yawn, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t write some incredible reads. Her books, coincidently, have been made into movies, one such example is My Sister’s Keeper. The fact that it is a movie tells us that her book is good enough for a feature film. Still, so are hundreds of others. This means movie producers like to copy books. They don’t like to be original. One example of a movie adaptation has two hands holding an apple as the cover. The book didn’t get as much recognition for its well-written verses as it (embarrassingly) did for the hot actors who ridiculed it on film.
That same movie, Twilight, was good enough to win twenty-five movie awards! However, if you ask all of the real fans which they liked most, the movie or the book, they will answer the latter, of course! Twilight the saga in books is way more interesting and heart wrenching than its counterpart. It contains over two thousand six hundred pages! These pages contain a beautiful story of a mortal girl and an immortal vampire who fell in love. Through the paragraphs and chapters the audience is captivated by every detail depicting the dire struggle of Edward and Bella for eternal love. When the sparkly vampires came out of a huge mansion in the woods, people took the movie as a joke. They judge the books just because the movies couldn’t portray the characters accurately. Real Twilight fans have to grin and bare all of the criticism the book series has gotten, because of a “high” looking Kristen Stewart and “gay” vampires. Readers know that Edward looking over Bella while she sleeps seems creepy and unnecessary to the movie watchers, but to them it makes as much sense as Harry Potter does to J.K. Rowling. The movie theatre freaks will never understand the much deeper connection a book can give compared to a movie.

Generally watching a movie makes a fast and easy way for people to loosen up and relax. They can sit down, be lazy, and eat popcorn while watching a stupid version of Romeo and Juliet. Books are constantly murdered with every movie version that comes out of them. I mean (comma?) hello! How can anyone say that Pet Cemetery can be better on the “big” screen than under a blanket, in the middle of the night, with a flashlight in hand? Cause that’s some good crack. And, if you think, for one second, that watching a cartoon movie made by a racist, magnate such as Walt Disney is going to raise your spirits, you’re as wrong as Abraham Lincoln was about that book! No one can take away the feeling of owning a library full of classics, such as Pet Cemetery and Alice and Wonderland and that’s just the plain and simple truth. There is nothing better than sitting down to waste hours of your life to characters that will never come to life. We just have to read and reread the Harry Potter series until we have memorized all of the spells and charms in it just like J.K. has. Can’t you see that reading a book on a cold winters day is MUCH better than killing our eyes with Taylor Lautner’s abs?

First things first, let’s get my point across, why don’t we just burn the DVD’s and VCR’s of movie remakes? This idea sounds pretty logical, and easy to me. If we do this, it would be like starting all over again. A clean slate for independent movies to rise to fame. Yet, with the internet nowadays we need to take an extra step. Delete all of those websites where movies are free. Full movies need to be outlawed on YouTube unless they are tasteful documentaries about panda’s in China or some creative fan fiction. We would never again have to worry about what actor played Edward on Twilight if we just burn the movies.
Secondly, what are we going to do about this shameful circle of production? A perfectly made book comes off the printing press, and years later after it becomes famous a producer with no better idea than what’s already written takes it and destroys it on film. Well, I have a proposition. We need to feed ‘em to the dogs! Obviously, what I mean by that is put them in jail. The premise of their imprisonment is, of course, plagiarism. Trust me, they will be falling like flies, in just the blink of an eye. When the law is passed any producer who graduates from college will have to sign an agreement that ensures they will never plagiarize a book, and when they do, wham! Straight to jail they go. It’s a very effective idea, and I believe this would be a small step for fans but a giant leap for mankind.
Lastly, I will argue something as simple as riding a broomstick. Buying books! I will argue this step of my plan to stop all movie adaptations because it might not appeal to the whole audience. I admit, it might take longer to get through a book, but they are the bomb! The magic of books doesn’t compare to the laziness of watching a film. Just read a book! It’s a good thing to do because it makes you smarter and gives you all the details. I mean how else are you going to understand The Da Vinci Code to its full extent? It’s more complicated than any two hour long movie can explain. Buying books will also make the economy rise. Bookstores would much appreciate the business. You would be giving your money directly to the people who made the books. Because, in our lifetime the writers are living in the slums, eating a pre-made dinner while surfing match.com, while the producers who made their books into movies are relaxing in Miami, enjoying an expensive lobster dinner with their supermodel friends. So, the gist of it is buy books and not movies!
In spite of all of my great ideas, some people might think I’m off my rocker. Then, just for those humdrum people who don’t take action, I could propose something a bit easier, a simple thing called reading. If you like Alice In Wonderland buy the book, read it, and enjoy it. Maybe make a book club for all the fans. Watch the movie and just recognize how much more fulfilling reading is than watching. When going to a movie, do some research. Take into account how well it’s been doing, what the critics say, if it’s close enough to the book, and if it’s worth it. If it is then watch it, but if it’s not then don’t waste your precious reading time on it. To me all of this is too much work, I would much rather simply follow my instructions. This new solution for the simple-minded is just a drag. It’s a drag because you would waste your time researching the movie reviews. It would waste money because you would spend a whopping twenty dollars or so at the cinema (as I said, that part should be skipped). Plus, you would need to make new friends to start a book club, (gross, stinky strangers).
To recap, we should take into consideration how much more satisfying reading a book is to watching the movie adaptation. Considering all of my hateful comments about movies you should have the idea of horrible movie adaptations engraved in your brain. An example such as Twilight shows the superiority of details and connection a book gives to its readers. Considering that there are dozens of Alice in Wonderland movies and only one true original, may also trigger more interest in books. Most importantly, don’t waste your time, and money on a movie that brought in millions of dollars to the plagiarizing producers who made it. Just read!