It was dark out. No moon, no stars, nothing. Just the light coming from the house that night. My room was normally blue with a white light to make everything seem happier, but I guess my twin sister decided it would look better if it was splatter painted with pink and orange because she was going to do her art project in my room, since it ‘had the best lighting.’ I stormed into her room. “What were you thinking? It’s my room you have no reason to be in it!”

“Where else am I supposed to go? Outside?” she sounded more like the dumb natural blonde everyone in school sees her as, even though she’s actually one of the smartest kids in our district. “Because last I checked there is no light outside, none! You don’t have anything important in your room so it seemed like a better fit. Besides, now it looks a lot cuter!” She smiled her little quirky smile and giggled like I should be agreeing with her.

“Tom helped me paint my room, what do you expect? Me to be happy that my stupid sister ruined the last thing I did with our older brother before he went to Afghanistan?” I looked at her and I was so mad at her that I completely forgot that I said his name…

Tom. My, our older brother. He’s been gone in Afghanistan for the last 3 years. I don’t like bringing up his name because nobody in the family agreed with him going over there in the first place.

“Well, now you have something you did with me too! Oh yeah, before I forget to tell you I took your car while you were running. Since mine is in the shop, you were running and I had stuff to do I took it and well, there may be a dent in the bumper now. I’m so sorry and I’ll pay for it and….”

“You did WHAT?” I was furious. “I just got the last dent fixed from you and you went ahead and took my car anyway? What was so important that you had to take my car, again?” I was so close to jumping across the room and wringing her neck when mom walked in.

She began, “Girls I-.”

“What?” we say in unison. I looked over and she was looking at me with her ‘you won’t tell her will you’ face. “Mom why did you have to interrupt our argument? You know we fight all the time so why did yo-” I didn’t even get to finish my sentence.

“Tom is dead,” she blurted out. “He died in combat. They were ambushed, he was saving someone on his squad. Girls I’m so sorry.”

“What do you mean Tom’s dead? He just emailed me last week!” I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t.

“Honey I-” she was reaching for me but I pushed past her. I started to run. I ran and ran and ran. I just kept running. No purpose but to get away, to not be in reality. I wasn’t in reality. I was dreaming. ‘Wake up,’ I kept thinking. ‘Wake up this is a dream! He isn’t dead, he couldn’t be.’ I finally reached the point where I couldn’t run anymore.

I walked around the corner and I saw the playground. I walked over to it and sat down on the swing and looked straight ahead at the field. Nothing but me and my memories. I remembered this is where he used to push me down the slide, how he would spin me on the tire swing, how he would push me on this swing.

“Push me,” the eight year-old of me said. I giggled, “Higher!”
“Ok, hold on tight,” Tom said. His blonde hair shimmered as the light hit it perfectly. Everything was perfect that day. I turned and looked toward the slide.
“Don’t go,” I said. “Please Tom, I need you here.”
“I have to go, please just trust me on this.” He was reaching for me.
“No,” I pulled away. “I can’t say goodbye to you.”
“Then don’t,” Tom said. “Don’t say goodbye cause I’m not leaving you. You know I’ll come right back. Okay?”
I sniffled, “Okay.”

I got up and walked over to the post where we wrote our names the day he left. I always thought we’d both be able to come back to this.

“You left me,” I yelled. It echoed through the dark night. The wind started to blow and it felt like he was there. Then out of nowhere it stopped. All at once. The echos, the wind, the presence. “You didn’t have to go,” I whispered, hoping it would bring him back. But nothing did. So I started to walk home, keeping that moment of when he was right there next to me in my heart and knowing he would always be there, even though he’s gone.