Twas a gloomy day one midsummer's evening for the people of 747 Boeing street. The Andersons who had lived there for 2 decades and never had a problem, were experiencing a darkness unlike any other… The jar of salsa would not open.

The Andersons had not been like this in years. They have had their fair share of dark times but they had always come back. But this jar was different… it was the jar they used for nacho night. The mother broke down crying, capable of only muttering and murmuring while she rocks back and forth cradling the salsa jar trying to will it to open. It was then he came.

It was then he emerged from his bedroom upstairs and strode in with a heavenly light shining down on him. He knew what had to be done, and he knew what would happen if he failed. His eldest sister had once been called as he had. She had tried and tried. But it seemed as if the Newman's Own™ face was just mocking her. The Newmans Own face seem to be saying to her  “Just try and open me I dare you.” and with that she gave up ,and had been banished to her room forever or until she had opened the jar. Some say she is still in there now, hunched over the salsa like golem repeating “My preciousss”. But the mighty warrior knew he could open this jar. For he knew the treasure he knew he would be rewarded beyond his wildest dreams, he would finally be able to taste the wonderful taste of salsa.

He made his way to Mrs. Anderson and grabbed the salsa. His muscles began to bulge. He kept trying to turn the top but his grasp only slid off the sides. He kept trying and trying and trying but deep down his heart was starting to sink. he couldn't give up, he couldn't. He didn’t want to be banished, and most of all he wanted to taste the sweet victory of opening the jar. It was then he had an idea.

He took off his shirt. His muscles were toned from his practicing and lifting and readying for this moment. He wrapped his shirt around the top and starting turning again. Just as it seemed as if there was no hope the cap popped off. Lighting boomed outside, the screams of a thousand warriors echoed out of the salsa and it was then he knew he had done it. Mr. Anderson looked at him and nodded. He knew what to do. He raised the salsa jar above his head and poured it into his mouth  and spread more all over his body, literally bathing himself in the sweet glory of the salsa and with the rest, he spread all over the Tostitos™ crunchy and extremely delicious 100% natural corn chips. The mighty warrior sat down and let a sigh of relief. But Mrs. Anderson said something that made him cringe “Can you come and help me open this jar of crunchy and 100% organic Vlasic™ Dill Pickles.”