“You wear your daddy issues like skin!”
He screams. He pushes me into the kitchen and tells me to make dinner.
“Hey, Rodney’s coming over tonight so look pretty, but not too pretty.”
“I will, John,” I reply.  “Love you.”
He stares at me for a good minute, as he massages the knuckle he used.
“I love you too,” he whispers, then he leaves. My tear stained face runs upstairs along with the rest of me. I change out of my pajamas, and get into that tight blue dress he likes, or should I say they like. I cover the bruise on my cheek the best I can with concealer. I reapply my makeup. I feel as if I can’t be pretty anymore. I know I can’t put on any mascara because the chances of me crying later tonight is likely. That doesn’t matter to me because I have naturally long eyelashes. It is the one thing John can’t strip me of,  my love for my eyelashes. Over the years, people have always told me I have natural beauty. My eyes and my hair are the same color and so are my eyelashes. I didn’t start wearing makeup until I started dating John, he makes me feel ugly without it.
When I’m done I head downstairs. I put on my apron and open up the draws in the
kitchen. I’ll make his favorite meal. “Pulled pork,” I say to myself.  45 minutes in to making dinner, I hear the door open and shout, “dinners almost ready boys.” As if I’m in a good mood. I know I have to be on my best behavior.
“Hey baby!” John yells and gives me a kiss on the cheek. Ouch.
“Hey Rodney,  grab the beer!” I hear from the living room. Oh no, the beer.
“John you’re out, got anything else?”
“No, Rod; I’ll make Juily run to the store and get us something.”
“Okay well she better hurry up.”
“Hey babe!” I hear John yell from the living room.
“Run to the store, will you?” I hear him walking slowly towards me. The tone of his
voice and his loud footsteps give away how he’s felling right now, and he’s angry, at me.
“Of course, baby.” I mumble, I try to apologize as fast as a can but he slapped me hard
before I could say anything. Then he hands me the keys to our truck.
“Anything for you.”
I try not to cry while I’m driving. When I get to the gas station I pick up 4 six packs; I know that won’t be enough but it’s all I could afford. I can’t ask John for money, he has made it clear that I  provide for the two of us.  When I ring up the beer I heard a loud
Gasp.  The lady at desk ?couldn’t help the sound. “What happened to you, hunny? Are you okay? Do you need anything, ice, a glass of water?”
Why is she asking me all these questions? Why isn’t she just minding her own business? But then I remember the big blackened bruise on my cheek.
“Yeah, thank you, I’m okay, I was...”
            “I fell.” Classic. The lady at the desk rings up my beer and tells me to feel better. I said thank you, and gladly left . When I got home our door was already open. I walked inside the house only to find Rodney screaming at John.
“You can never do anything right! I expect beer when I get come over! And your wife should already be cooking, and cleaning for all of us! Instead you have her dress like a skank to make up for all her mishaps! Pathetic John, you need to get HER and YOURSELF together!”
They didn’t realize I was there. I step out and open the door and say,
“Hey boys! Who wants some beer?!”
I’m on the verge of crying.
“Thank god little lady we missed you, how about you get your cute lil self over here and
hang out with us. You’d love that right, Juily?” Rodney says with a large grin; he almost sounds sarcastic. I could understand from the tone of his voice and words that he used, this is not going to go well for me. I should have had everything in order for them.
“Hey. You’re used to this.” I say quietly. “Anything for you guys.”
I walk over there only to receive a punch to the stomach. Followed by another one. More. I know there’s going to be more.
“You like that?! This is what you get! Where’s our beer!?” Rodney screams as he spits in
my face. I point to the couch as I’m holding myself in a fetal position on the living room floor.
“Can, can” I shudder, “may I go, your dinners going to get cold.”
“Sure baby, cook it right.”
“I will.”
I carry myself to the kitchen.  And do the finishing touches for dinner.  When I’m done I bring them their food and say goodnight. I lock all the doors and windows and head to bed. A couple hours later I wake up to Rodney running his fingers through my hair.
“What time is it?” I ask.
“2:00 am.”
I know I should make up some lame excuse to leave, but I can’t come to saying anything to him. Sometimes when he does this I want to tell John, but somehow everything’s always my fault, this is my fault. I let him crawl under the sheets and undress me. His hands are so cold and uncomfortable. I can hear John’s laugh from down stairs, he’s watching T.V. It’s probably something like Futurama, or Family Guy. I try to focus on the conversation going on in the T.V, until we hear footsteps. Rodney jumps out of bed and puts his clothes back on.
“Hey Rod you up there?”
“Yeah man.” Rodney replies.
I wanna scream but I know if I do, I would have signed my death warrant.
“Hey, come on down stairs, Futeramas on!”
“You got lucky Juily, next time then,” he whispers in my ear. I try to keep
myself together. John comes upstairs to say goodnight and gives me a kiss on the forehead.
I love you, and love you, are two very different things.  My love and his love are two different things. But this is all I know, and all I ever will be. I’ll try to fall to asleep. I hope not to wake up. However, I know sleeping isn’t really a thing a person can do after a day like this and I haven’t slept in years.
“Hey, you know I love you and sometimes I just get frustrated, I’m just keeping you in check sweetheart.
“I know.” I don’t know.
“Okay good, I love you Juliy.”
“Love you too.”