Sometimes I hope for bad things to happen to me but not because I want to die or to stop living but simply to see who would care, who would stay, and to see if then would they learn to appreciate me an the actions and steps I take to make them proud. There are days where I just want to escape from everything and everyone. I used to stick my head into books to escape my reality but it was always only a matter of time before reality made me tumble back down to earth and lately reading hasn't helped me much. I need an out plug, to help stop these dark thoughts from over taking my brain. I'm depressed and everyday I feel as if I get more depressed. I feel as if I am going deeper and deeper into this never ending black hole that has no escape and I'm slowly starting to give up. I need light. I need something, anything to help pull me back up and out. I need help. I need to be heard and I need to be seen. I need hope to help the river of tears that silently escape every night to stop. Although all I want to do sometimes is disappear. I am on endless search for an escape I hope that whoever reads this doesn't just read the words I am writing but reads between the lines. I hope you notice the smile I place on my face is just a shield of steel, a coverage, a mask that I use every single day as protection from exposure. From the exposure of who I really am and how I truly feel.
- the person you speak to regularly