The night the wall went up was the night I lost my freedom.

It would be the night that would haunt me forever. The night I would never forget. The night I lost everything.

Finding work in East Berlin was more than challenging. Every day, Papa and Karl walked into the West to look for work. Most of the time they would come back with just enough to feed us, but they still hadn’t found permanent jobs. Until that night. Of course, it was that night.

Peter had gone with them, leaving me alone with Oma, who has Alzheimer's. It had started as a grand day. Finally, Papa and my brothers would have a steady source of income. Their job was to be performed overnight.

I’m alone. I’m only eleven years old. Oma is here but not really. She has had Alzheimer's for two years now and doesn’t remember me, her only granddaughter. I miss what she was like before she got her disease. Before Mama died, when they were both healthy. Before Papa lost his job in the East. When we were all together.

Times have changed. One night I went to bed with a full stomach after a celebratory feast in honor of the new job. The next morning I woke up to the screams.

I ran to the window and rolled up the blinds. Bright sun spilled into the room, and as my eyes adjusted to the brightness, I got my first glimpse of what I would come to hate the most in my life.

Sharp, strong, and scary. The barbed wire stretched for miles along the border of the city. Each day they built it up higher and higher. Over the next two weeks, the coils of barbed wire strung along the border to West Berlin were replaced by a wall of concrete slabs and hollow blocks. After three weeks, over 200 watchtowers were installed. By the fourth week, they had shot anyone who had tried to escape.

⇹

I really am alone.

On our way to school, my best friend Sofia takes my hand as we walk, a small comfort that I haven’t felt in a seemingly long time.

“It’s going to be okay, Marie. We just have to always stick together,” she says as we walk along the wall. She doesn’t sound too convinced herself.

“I promise I will stick with you,” I reply. The sky is a light, fluffy gray and the air is stuffy and warm for August.

“I promise, too.”

After school, Sofia and I walk home. I have a staring contest with a guard. Not a friendly one either.

“Marie!” Sofie whispers harshly.

“What?” I replied, not taking my eyes of the watch guard in his tower. He glares back at me.

“Stop staring at him! You’re going to make him mad, and he’ll shoot you!” she cries softly so that the guard doesn’t hear. With a sigh, I tear my gaze away.

“Don’t be annoyed with me, please,” she taps my shoulder. “Did you hear about the man who snuck into the secret service military car and tried to escape?”

“No.” Intrigued, I face her. “Did he get away?”

“No,” she replied grimly.

“How many people do you think have died?” I gesture towards the wall in disgust.

“Too many,” she sighs sadly, “around one hundred and thirty.” I scowl.

“Do you think we could ever leave?”

“No.”

“It’s not fair Sofia,” I grumble.

“I know.”

⇹

I check on Oma as always when I get home and then grab an old can. The police are known to shoot at beggars or homeless people. I have to be careful.

I make sure to walk the quiet streets with no officers, collecting a few coins, just enough to buy some food. I hide my face with an itchy scarf, but I have to make sure no one knows who I am. If they did, they could report me. These days you never know who could rat you out just to be on the police’s good side. The more you do for them, the safer you seem to be.

As I get home, I count my change. I don't have enough for even a meek cabbage. My stomach growls, and I feel a little bit of resentment towards my brothers and Papa.

They have left me in this hole with no money, while they are probably having feasts each night. They might have forgotten my name. Hopefully, Oma is not too hungry. I run water for my bath. It’s already dark, which means it is past my bedtime. Mama used to always help with my baths, and Papa would read to me during bedtime. I would always fall asleep to the sounds of Karl and Peter’s hushed voices. I miss all of them.

I sit there until the water turns cold, and the tears that were on my face had dried.

⇹

It’s February. Sofia is now just as alone as I am. Michael, her brother, is gone. He tried to escape without her. Sofia’s mother works all day and all night. She doesn’t have much time for anyone, even Sofia. Her father is long gone, for he died from the same disease as my Mama. But Sofia isn’t really alone. She has me.

It’s a dark day with clouds that cover the sky, but it still doesn’t rain or snow. I noticed it hasn’t rained in a while. I’m surprised when I ring Sofia’s doorbell that day that someone actually answers. Sofia walks out with her skirt in wrinkles and dark bags under her eyes.

“Are you okay?” I cautiously ask.

“No.” She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. “Marie, I’m going to say this once so please, please listen to me.” Tears swim in her eyes. “Be careful what you say to me. My mother and I are very, very close to going to jail. The police say if we bring them information about anyone doing anything illegal, we have to tell them. It’s the only way to stay free.” She looks at me, waiting for my response. Would she really turn me in?

“But, Sofia, you promised we would stick...,” I start to reply.

“I knew you wouldn’t understand. I won’t hesitate to turn anyone in. Not even you,” she whispers remorsefully. Then, she walks away. I don’t doubt that she would turn people in to save her family. Sofia always plays by the rules. She is probably right. The police can lock her and her mother up, even if they had nothing to do with her brother escaping. The police are tearing my life apart. They have torn my best friend and me apart. They have already torn my family apart. They have ripped everyone from the seams of their normal lives. I run home and cry.

I couldn’t be more alone now. I need to get out of here.

⇹

I get the letter two weeks later.

“Yes!” I cried. They had finally remembered me! Maybe they sent money or a plan to see each other again. As I was jumping up and down, the letter slid out of the envelope. I pick up the letter and examine the envelope carefully.

I was not the first one to open it. I unfold the letter and scan it quickly. If the police had already checked it, there could be important pieces or items missing, or Papa could get in trouble. Nothing looked suspicious to me, except for one part.

I miss when we could take our walks at midnight to the old building where Mama worked. She is watching over us now and keeping us safe.

I might only be eleven years old, but I think Papa was trying to tell me something. I have never taken a midnight walk with him to Mama’s old building, so perhaps he wanted to meet me there. I decided that tonight I would slip out and go to the old building at midnight.

My breath is visible when I open my door that night. Shivering, I manage to slip past the guards that are patrolling their streets. Every time they walk by I hold my breath and crouch in the shadows. The moonlight is bright tonight. I finally reach the building and slip in through the boarded windows. The cold light of the moon guides me as I shuffle around the room.

“Marie?” a whisper echoes around the room.

⇹

I leave tonight. I guess Papa just wanted to see me and tell me the plan for escape. I have to admit that I would never have thought of it. They dug a tunnel, a really long one that goes under the wall. I can’t believe I’m going to escape.

I also can’t stop thinking about Sofia. What about her and her mother? She should come with us. It isn’t like her life is any better here. I decided that despite my father’s wishes not to tell anyone I would tell her. I knew there was a risk she could turn me in, but I don’t care. If I escape with Oma successfully, her mother and she would be thrown in jail anyway just because they know us.

I knock on her door at 7:00 that night. I’m going to go in there, tell her everything, and convince her. I couldn’t live with myself if I left her.

“Marie, what are you doing?” Sofia opens the door and I rush in.

“I need to talk to you,” I reply. I tug her hand and try to walk towards the sofa.

“No,” she says stubbornly.

“Please Sofia. This is really important. At least let me say why I’m here!” I plead. She sighs and lets me bring her to the sitting room. She sits across from me. Her feet are angled away, her head is down. Her hair is stringy and unwashed. It has been so long since I had really seen her. I sit up and look straight at her.

“I’m leaving tonight.”

⇹

It is raining. We reach the building while the storm is at its peak, with thunder booming and lightning flashing. It is freezing. We have nothing but thin sweaters and knapsacks with the simplest possessions: a wedding picture, a teddy bear, a wallet, and all the food we can muster. Oma seems to be okay, but I had to wrap a scarf around her mouth, so she doesn’t complain and give us away. I lead the way with Oma, Sofia, and her mom. Sofia’s teeth are clenched, and her face is white. She almost refused to come.

Sofia’s mom helps me pry open the basement window. I motion for them to slide through and then I help them move Oma in. She struggles at first but eventually gives in. I slip through the crack and then fix the board. We walk into the basement, where I saw Papa last night.

The first thing I notice is the mud. Slick, thick, and slimy. It coats the walls and the floor. I grimace in disgust.

All of the sudden, Papa steps out of the shadows, covered in the mud, and wraps me into a bear hug, even though I had seen him the night before. He hugs Oma too. I can’t tell if she recognizes him or not. Once he notices the extra company, he gives me a stern look but puts his finger to his lips. We all have to be quiet.

The road to the tunnel sags in, for the rain put a big strain on the ground. A minute into walking, I have to crouch a little. It’s when I stop to catch my breath that I hear the footsteps. The sounds of thumping and running must be soldiers. I could also see the dim flashlight beams from far behind us.

“Papa!” I whisper.

“Yes?” he replies.

“Listen!” I am speaking just a little louder now. The boots seem to be getting closer. Papa lights a match. I can see his face turn pale. Sofia’s breathing gets faster and faster as she realizes we are being followed.

“We have to go now,” he says urgently. He blows out the match, and Sofia runs ahead. I push her mother after her and help Papa with Oma. Using strength I didn’t know we had, we sling Oma over our shoulders and begin to run. It was an uncomfortable run, for he had to bend a little because of my height. It was then that I realized I had grown taller compared to him.

Sofia and her mother were making good pace ahead of us. I could almost not see them ahead of us. We could now hear shouts of the police’s conversation. I thought I even heard dogs snarling over the thumping boots. They were gaining on us.

“This way. I can see their footprints,” a gruff voice booms. The ceiling sags lower, then it gets higher, and then it’s lower once more. I’m coated with many layers, which makes it hard to breathe.

“I’m so scared,” I cry as we run. My heart is beating wildly in my chest, and I fear that it might explode and kill me before the police do. My tears leave clean streaks on my face.

“You two! Stop ahead!” I turn my head around and see the dim outline of an officer. “Stop, or we will shoot!” he yells. I choke on mud. We keep running. I can hear the men yelling that they had found us. I heard a loud bang and felt a searing pain in my leg.

Was I being shot at? Was I hit? I was still running. I watch Papa grimace suddenly, and then I start to feel like I’m holding more weight. The pain is like fire, creeping up my body. How am I still moving? Pain blinds me and black waves swell in my vision. I feel like I’ve run miles.

“Come on, Marie! We are almost there!” I faintly hear Papa yell. The police are taking more and more shots. Some seem to graze me, and those sting. Others whiz right by me. For professional soldiers, they aren’t the most accurate. I’m lucky to still be alive, I think to myself.

All of a sudden the tunnel starts to get lighter. I think that I’ve finally been shot in the head. I’m going to see Mama again. I close my eyes and welcome the light, waiting for the noises to end, but then I hear Papa still yelling so I know the light is the end of the tunnel.

We make it out of the tunnel still on a sprint. We crash into a crowd of people, but we are safe. They can’t hurt us now. I see Papa and Karl, Sofia and her mother, West Berlin soldiers, and random people all gathered around. Why are they out? It is still dark, and it is still raining. I see the wall from the other side for the first time. I see Papa taking Oma off his shoulder. How did she get over there? My knees feel weak, my eyelids heavy. I see the tunnel we had run out of. I see raindrops dripping from my eyelids. I see black.

⇹

I wake up in a hospital, and I’m surrounded. Papa, Karl, and Peter are here with Sofia and her mother. Sofia and Papa are both crying. I don’t see Oma. I’m told she did not make it. I choke on tears and say a prayer for her. Another life lost to the cruelty of East Berlin. Papa is alive, but he got shot once in the arm. I got grazed on my leg twice, but I am alive. They haven’t taken me. I think of Mama and Oma. I wish they could be here, but I am happy. I have Sofia, Papa, Peter, and Karl here with me. I have Oma and Mama in my heart.

I’m not alone.