“three months”

As she sat in the cold metal chair of that cold room, she stared at the floor and wondered why she wasn’t sad. she wasn’t sad that her life was gonna end. She wasn’t sad that she had so little time left. She wasn’t sad that shed have to leave her family. She wasn’t sad she didn’t have to see her no good cheating husband anymore. She wasn’t sad she didn’t have much longer till she didn’t have to work that awful job anymore. She wasn’t sad she soon didn’t have to deal with debt. and she wasn’t sad she didn’t get to live the rest of her life. In fact, she was ready. She was ready and tired and finding out she had cancer was the best thing she had going for her right now. Because it ment soon everything else would be over. So she stared the wait. She quite her job, there was no point in it. She stopped trying to pay off dept, there was no point in worrying about it. She ignored her husband and slept with other men, there was no point in pretending he didn’t cheat. She danced, and drank and ate and partied all she wanted. The life of a rich trophy wife had always been her dream so for these last few months, she made it her life. As much pain as she was in and as much the doctor called for her to come in and get checked on, she didn’t answer. She had lost it. she didn’t care about anything, herself or others. Rich men from the bars payed for her drugs. They payed for her alchohol and tabacco. Finally after the months ended, she swam out from the deep end. She had felt something in her chest, more than a hole in her heart and she knew it was almost time. The reality of death hit her. She was scared. Scared to leave her family. Scared to leave her new life. Scared to leave her new addictions. Scared of what was after death. She was scared of what her children will think of her. She was scarred of the dark, the dark she saw as her eyes slowly closed in the bed of some random man. Her last feeling was guilt and shame.