The ocean wind is salty, making Robin’s face feel dry and leaving an odd taste in her mouth. From where she stands on the sandy hill, she can see the waves roaring, causing mist to whip around in the air. The last time she’d come here, it was colder, and Jude had been with her. 

They’d taken the car for the day and driven down to the ocean, wind blowing through their hair. Robin couldn’t drive yet, so Jude always drove, traversing the windy path down to the coast. Normally, the beach would be crowded, full of beachgoers and tourists. But it had been February, too early in the year for the crowds, making it quiet and empty. The perfect spot to spend an afternoon if you wanted to get away.

“The water’s not that cold! Trust me!”    

She laughed, safe on her towel. “I think I’ll pass on that, but thanks.”

Jude shrugged. “Your loss.” Robin rolled her eyes and nestled deeper into her sweatshirt. It had been windy that day, the kind of wind that bites into your skin and stirs up the sand. Despite the wind and cold temperatures, her brother had beelined straight for the water as soon as he parked the car. Robin, on the other hand, didn’t plan to do anything more than dipping her toes in the water, content with spending the time relaxing on her blanket and watching the waves.

They walked down the beach, occasionally bending over to pick up a seashell or admire a pretty rock, the wet sand clinging to their feet. Despite the wind, it was peaceful here, with the birds calling and the rush of the water on the sand. Robin’s mind wandered to her painting she needed to complete for her art class. She had sketched out a rough idea of what she wanted to do, but still wasn’t completely sure about it. Maybe if she added a bit more color in the piece… 

“Robin!” She looked up, startled from her thoughts. Jude pointed at the ground in front of her. “There’s glass. You were going to step on it.” Robin looked down at the sand. Sure enough, chunks of a glass beer bottle littered the ground in front of her. 

“Oh. Thanks.” 

Jude rolled his eyes. “Just watch where you put your feet for once, geez.” His voice sounded exasperated, but his eyes were smiling.

They ate their lunch on the beach, cozied up next to each other as the biting winds blew sand into their faces. 

“The water really isn’t that bad. It’s a little cold when you first get in, but you get used to it.”

Robin unwrapped her sandwich. “Maybe for you it isn’t too cold, but you could sleep naked outside in a snowstorm and be perfectly fine.”

They always ate sandwiches when they came to the beach, Robin with turkey and lettuce, Jude with peanut butter and jelly. She nudged him. “Still PB&J? You’re seventeen, why do you still eat like you’re six?” 

Her brother laughed. “You can’t mess with perfection. Besides, peanut butter and jelly is, like, the most iconic combination.”

“And the number one favorite lunch for second graders. I’m younger than you but somehow have better taste.”

“Taste? I’m not eating the most basic sandwich ever made.”

Robin scoffed. “You’re calling my sandwich basic? That’s rich, coming from you.” Jude flicked a clump of sand at her face. “Oh, so we’re doing that, huh?”

Robin watched as Jude dove through the waves. He loved the water, had always loved it ever since he was a little kid. Their parents had paid for swim lessons when they were younger, but while Robin had dutifully tolerated the weekly classes, Jude had loved it. He was on the school swim team, worked as a lifeguard at the town pool in the summer, and spent every moment he could on the beach. 

She began to pack up the trash remaining from their sandwiches, when her phone chimed, signalling that someone was messaging her. She put the lunchbox down and picked up her phone. Something crazy had happened at Kayla’s job, and she was stress-spamming the chat. Robin bit her lip. She probably should be watching Jude, but a few minutes on her phone wouldn’t do anything. Jude was an amazing swimmer, he’d be fine. Glancing at the ocean to check that everything was still okay, she unlocked her phone and texted her friend.

She didn’t notice it at first, the little nagging worry in her gut. But soon it became too much to push away, demanding she pay attention. Confused, she looked up from her phone, and noticed something was wrong. 

“Jude?”

The ambulance arrived 20 minutes later, but by then it was too late. The paramedics said the wind is what caused it; the waves whipping up into a frenzy and creating currents under the water, invisible from above. By the time she got him out of the water, she couldn’t do much else. She didn’t know CPR. Jude was the one who took the class, needed it for the lifeguard position. That was part of the reason Robin rarely went to the beach without him. She knew he could keep her safe.

She stood on the beach, toes curled into the sand. Despite the warm air, she shivered, touched by the phantoms of old memories. 

She walked over to the hill they had sat on that day. This was where they had put their blankets, in the last hours they’d spent together. What was meant to be a simple day swimming and eating sandwiches on the beach had quickly derailed into something much darker. 

He had always protected her, but the time where she needed to protect him the most, she failed. If only she hadn’t been on her phone, and had been watching out for her brother like she was supposed to. Maybe he would be here with her. Maybe her family wouldn’t be moving away, trying to distance themselves from the memories and ghosts of the past that lingered in the town. 

The whole beach was spread out in front of her from where she stood on the hill. From here, she could see the rocks they would scramble across to look at the tide pools, the paths running through the thin grass that they would hold races on, the area that had the best sand for sand castles. So many memories, so much history, all in this little stretch of beach. So many wishes left unfinished. Robin cast one final look out at the water, at the blue-gray waves roaring across the sand. Then she turned on her heel and made the walk back to her car.

Leaving the ocean and all of its memories behind her.