Your mother lied to you. That's the truth. How could this be, how could someone I trust so much keep this from me. I thought about this countless times while sitting at the bus stop. As the rain dripped onto my face, blurring my vision of the world, I sat and thought only this. I tried counting the cars passing by 1…2…3, but nothing could get my mind's attention like this. 

Growing up me and my cousin Eloise were like best friends always getting into trouble together. She has vibrant light brown hair and is always wearing the most extravagant outfits. I vividly remember introducing her as my cousin to countless friends and boyfriends along the way. How could I be so stupid? she always felt like a sister to me, I mean we looked so alike it was crazy. We shared the same color eyes and hair, we both had very similar facial features including a small nose, dimples in our cheeks, even our smiles were the same. I know we have to leave the bus station, but every time I think of returning to my fake reality I sink back into the hard and wet chair.

All of this madness started earlier in the day at my small apartment in New York. Eloise came into my apartment as if she had just witnessed a war, she said “I need to talk to you, it's best if we sit down though”.  “Of course let's go into the living room”, I said. We both sat anxiously on the couch, her leg was shaking uncontrollably. She rested her light, soft hand on my shoulder.

 “I'm not your cousin, Ella”, She said with a deep breath. My eyes widened as she went on, Ella I am your half sister. I had no Idea I swear, I found out last week from aunty but I didn’t know how to tell you. My mom means everything to me so hearing Eloise say she had been lying to our faces for years was like ice piercing my heart. No words formed on my tongue. All we could do was cry, cry until neither of us had any more tears left to spare. We sat in silence for a while, her muffled giggle broke the silence,

 “what” I asked. “You remember how annoyed we would be as kids when people would ask if we were sisters, I think I can see why now”, she replied. I can't help but laugh, “yeah I guess so, man what is wrong with us?” We both laughed but still we knew that things would be different, and I knew I needed answers from my mom. Hey, “do you remember that weekend in duluth?” I asked. Eloise looked up with curiosity and responded, “yeah what about it”. I was just thinking about how well I guess our mom was arguing with aunty and we both were trying to listen under the door, I remember mom saying how could a man do this to her. Do you think she was talking about your dad? “Maybe honestly it would make the most sense,” she said. I feel like maybe we already knew but just didn’t want to believe it, how could I be so naive. I left with my sister after a couple drinks to go meet with my mother. We needed clarity. The car ride was awkwardly quiet and we both just sat staring out the window. We pulled into my mom's faded brick driveway and slowly walked to the door, breathing just as slowly. I stopped at the door, looked at Eloise and knocked on the door three times. It takes what feels like an eternity for her to unlock the creaking red door. When she opens the door she smiles and goes to hug us but notices our enraged demeanor and asks 

“What's wrong?” So many words were in our minds but we both tried to contain our emotions and asked to come inside. She obliged and we stepped into the home I grew up in. Once a great place, we walked to the living room and sat around the coffee table. I started by saying we knew everything already about us really being sisters, she looked shocked and started to cry. “I'm sorry I didn’t want you guys to find out this way, I just wanted to protect you both” she said. My voice snaps, what is there to protect us from? A short pause and deep breath, there is so much to discuss but your dad's father was an evil man and he took advantage of me while I was drinking. I had been with your dad for a little over a year and you just turned one. I became pregnant with Eloise from your grandfather and I couldn’t look at her without retearing my wound back open. I gave her to my sister to take care of and left your dad to get away from the darkness. She stopped and looked at us waiting for a response, so I asked why she never told us as we got older. Her response was defensive and I could tell she was holding something back. 

“I never felt it was the right time and I am still hurt from what happened to me” she replied. Disappointed in her answer I pried on, “there's got to be something else another reason. how could you live with this lie you built?” Everything was spinning and nothing was making sense, I could feel the anger growing inside. Eloise was red and grasping her chair arm as if it was the last thing she would ever hold. My grandfather is dead now I know that for sure but where does that leave us where does that leave our shattered family. I had no time to process anything before Eloise jumped out of her chair rushing at my mom, a short curved knife concealed in her hand as she got closer and closer. She took the knife and put it to our mom's chest and pushed it in with a cry of pain and rage. Her hand let go of the knife as our poor mother fell to the floor, everything slowed down we stared at her realizing what just happened.

 “What should we do Ella?” for the first time all day I snap into reality, “we have to leave Eloise, we can't stay here in this city”. We ran out the door and got a small bag of our most important belongings before leaving our house for the last time. It started raining and thunder followed as we drove in silence to our last destination in the city we grew up in. We arrived at the bus stop with a one way ticket each ditching our car and everything else with it. We sat in the rain, cold and wet at the bus stop holding each other trying to process what happened. Up until this point everything was moving so fast but now all we have is time and our broken bonds. I go back to counting the cars 1…2…3, stopping at every red and blue cop car that passes.