I try to wake up from this horrible nightmare. I look around the room that now looks much smaller than before. I see pieces of the clothes I was previously wearing. I don't remember taking them off. While spectating the room I hear a thumping in my head that won't stop. It's loud.

Thump…thump…thump. 

I check my phone, the time reads 7:08, December 8, 2022. Winter has always been my favorite season. Everytime I smell the crisp air, or warm hot cocoa, I get an excited rush inside me. I don't feel that anymore. I feel nothing. 

“Connor come downstairs, we need to pick out your debutant flowers,” says my mother

Great. The yearly Boston Harbor Deb Ball. I stand up to feel a sharp pain in my abdomen. I wince while taking my first step downstairs. I smell the warm, freshly baked cookies. 

“Mom…I,I,”

“What is it honey?”

I try to spit it out but it feels like once I say it, it becomes real. Too real. 

“Nothing. I'm fine,” I lie

I give her a fake smile trying to show I'm genuinely okay. 

“Ok honey,” she responds

I limp over to the fresh cookies and eat a bite for breakfast. While I take a bite, I wobble over to the medicine cabinet to take two Advils. I down them with some orange juice handed to me by mom. I walk back upstairs to my bedroom. I'm writing in my journal about the situation that happened the night prior. I write about the features I remember about this anonymous man. Red hair, and a citrus vanilla scent.  My hand starts shaking and I jump into bed to take a nap and try to sleep off all the negative thoughts. 

Whilst in a deep sleep, I get awoken by the shriek of my own mother 5 hours later. I know what's wrong. I left my book open on my dresser. Amazing, just more to add onto this day. 

“John?” I hear my mother call down in a panicked voice, “Come up here this instant!” she says. 

I hear the loud footsteps of my father walking up the old creaky staircase. 

“Yes?” he says in an agitated tone.

“Have you seen this?” she shows him the journal.

“Mom, stop!” I yell, “this is private!”

I see my dads eyes move quickly as he skims over the paragraphs. Slowly I see the worry fill his once calm face. His jaw opens the slightest bit. Eyes start to expand as he reads more of the diary entry. He has a brisk walk outside the door, leaving me with my mother. I see tears start to fill her eyes along with mine. She seems to have the same expression as my dad, but more sorrowful. I check my phone for a second time today, the time shows that it's 9:48pm. 

I need this day to be over, I think. 

I jump into bed attempting to rest my head and eyes, but I find myself staring into my ceiling, thinking of how this all could have been stopped. 

Why didn't I scream, why didn't I fight, why didn't I run, why, why, why! 

My head starts to throb again. I close my eyes for the night. 

I awake with the honks of other cars. I slowly part from the state of mind I'm in currently. Once I look in the trunk, I see my clothes, my shoes, and even my stuffed teddy bear. I start to freak out. My father doesn't say anything, but instead hands me a pamphlet. The pamphlet shows a picture of a girl smiling, with blonde hair, light skin, and in a blue flannel uniform skirt. The title is, “Provo Canyon School. ''. I look more in depth into this piece of paper, and the school states this will help with the girls who are “out of control” and “untrustworthy”. 

I scoff. No way my parents will ever send me to a school like this. As that thought roams around my brain, we pull up to a red brick building. There's a large metal sign showing the name of the school. I open the large glass “pull” door. I see a lady with big curly brown hair and glasses. 

“Hi! Welcome to PCS!” She says with a big smile on her face. “I'll show you your dorm room now.” We follow her into a dim, thin, hallway. I open my door to find a girl wearing a sweater and a long skirt. She looks miserable. Her eyes are empty. Her face seems to be in a forever formed frown. I sit down on my bed and give a little smile to her as she stares at me. She just flips around to face the wall. 

I hear the front desk woman say I need to follow her to the physiatrist. I walk into a room filled with posters that state that “woman are only meant for men,”  and other horrible words. I see a woman looking a little too perky. She has wide eyes far apart from each other. A smile connects from ear to ear. She gestures a hand over to the wooden seat with a cushion. 

“Hi honey,” she says. “Can you two please exit the room for a minute?” she says as her head turned to my father and the lady. 

“I know this is difficult being new, but I know you will fit right in here!” She exclaimed.

I give an awkward smile as she says this. 

“So here's a little rundown of our day. We get awoken by a bell, then all the girls line up to take their vitamins. After we give you a schedule of gym, home-ec, and psychology times. After this, you go to your dorm and read a book of our choosing. Then a hard lights out. If we hear a peep, you will get punished,” she ends her speech and says, “I'm so glad you're here!” 

I enter my small bedroom filled with two metal twin sized beds. I lay down and rest my eyes. 

I get awoken by a buzz. My eyes shoot open. My mind jumps back to that night. The worst night of my life. Where I hear the buzz of his watch beeping.  With his red hair, or strong cologne. 

“Up everyone, up,” I hear a hallway monitor say.

My roommate jumps to her feet and has a slouched walk over to the door. 

“What are you doing?” she asks

I shoot her a look of confusion and jump to my feet as well. I walk over to the hallway where I see hundreds of girls walk into a line. They look like robots, walking into place. In a line perfectly. They all line up at a window where a little paper cup gets handed to each girl. This must be a vitamin the guidance lady told me about. 

After what seems to be 45 minutes, I walk up to the front desk lady who hands me a mini cup with 2 small blue pills. I consume them with one sip of water. 

“Okay girls, get to your classes,” I hear a voice yell. I assume it's a teacher. 

I take out my folded up schedule from my pocket. I check the top of my schedule. The label says 

“Psychology Times with Mrs. Smith.”

I walk over to room 223 after looking in multiple hallways. I open the door to the scary lady that I met yesterday. 

“Hello,” She says with the same look on her face as the last time I saw her. 

“Hi,” I say nervously. 

“I'm here to talk to you about the situation concerning this,” she pulls out my journal

“How…,” Im speechless

“Your mother told me about your falsity,” she says in a snarky tone.

“I don't know what youre talking about,” I just think to myself not to say anything. Do not tell her it's real. Don't deny her words. 

“Oh, I think you know.”

I hear the buzz of the same bell I heard this morning. I get up to go when she stops me. She hands me a yellow piece of paper with a time stamp on it. 

“I would like to see you again at 8:30 please,” She says it in a way of telling me, instead of asking. 

“Okayyyy,” I drag out my “Y” in a confused tone while leaving the door. 

Next on my schedule, I see “gym”. 

I cannot believe how long the gym is. 4 hours of running and playing dodgeball. My watch says 8:10. I walk across the campus to the small room inside the front office. 

“I've been expecting you,” she says as soon as I enter the room

“What?” I say as I sit down on the little couch that spreads across the room perfectly. 

“I brought you here to talk about your lies,” she says.

“I don't know what youre talking about,” I think  about the words I was saying earlier. Don't deny. Don't tell her. Don't say anything. 

“You are a horrible human for acting like the victim. I know you. I see girls like you every single day. You know Linsey, your roommate…the same situation happened to her. Her actions  created consequences and now she's learning and gets to live here until the age of 18. You need to be like her. Stop fighting. You know why your here.” She all says this in a aggressive way whilst never raising her voice. 

I feel a small tear run down my cheek. Followed by a tsunami. I can't do this anymore.
“I was sexually assaulted, taken advantage of, by my best friend's brother!” I scream. “My best friend who's been in my family since i was born! Imagine when you say this and no one believes you! Imagine when you say this and everyone thinks your going insane, becoming mentally ill, or just acting like this because you like him!” I start to yell. I don't know where this is coming from but it seems as though I can't stop. Something is possessing me.

“Micheal…,” I start.

She looks intrigued at what i'm about to say next. 

“Micheal, my best friends brother, took advantage of me the morning of December 8th 2022, at 3:28am,” I look at her dead in the eyes, “I am giving you a warning, if you want to deny me of my truth, you will live with that regret the rest of your life,” I threaten. 

She nods her head while slowing picking up the phone and dialing the number “875”

2 guards enter the room and grab me by the shoulders. I enter a small room in the basement and get told to stay here until further notice. I never saw that woman again.