“You haven’t truly seen me I’m not happy because of you!” she screamed. Those words shattered your heart—replaying that moment in your head repeatedly. You never knew that someone you shared your heart and soul with, could hurt you so deeply. Was it because you both were so close, that it dug deeper into you? As you walk through the halls of Thomas Jefferson High School in Richmond Virginia, you smell the scent of hormonal teenagers. A sudden tingle runs down your back as your US history teacher glares into your soul.  To avoid awkward eye contact, you scan the hallways. You see Sam, a scrawny sophomore guy with whom you have been friends since diapers. He smiles sympathetically as you meet him at your locker.

“Grace, how’s it going?” he asks. This pains your heart Jess could tell right away what was happening inside your head, no words needed. Sam experienced the fight, front and center, but he would never be Jess. He was the one who’d always tried to lighten the mood in those moments. But he is almost going through what you are. Almost. The trio that once was, you, Jessica, and Sam, is now only the two of you.

“I’m fine; just me and you now,” you respond. “And that's how I like it.”

“Same,”  Sam answers with a smile. Your morning drags on, as you dread lunch when you might have to face Jessica and her new posse. You grab your lunch tray and join a line. As you're scooping your lumpy mashed potatoes onto your tray you feel the energy shift, an uncomfortable and tense feeling. Jess, standing right beside you. But her new posse is right behind her, which you have realized is the new normal. They all laugh, almost entirely in your ear. You don't dare look back. You rush out of there as fast as you can, holding back the waterfall of tears building up.

Later that night, you lie awake. It’s your sixteenth birthday tomorrow and you should be lying awake with excitement or nerves, but instead, you realize this will be the first birthday without Jessica. You feel like you need to make yourself somewhat better. You head downstairs and open the door to your stainless steel refrigerator. Your mom made some cupcakes earlier, just for you. The smell of red velvet fills your nose and you reach for the messiest cupcake there is. You shove a candle in the frosting and dig in the drawer to find a lighter. As you ponder what your wish will be, a thought comes to mind. What you want is for your friend group to return to normal for your birthday. When you and Jess were inseparable your miniature group was content with just having fun with each other, back to when she didn’t need anybody else. You finally find the lighter and light the candle. Then you close your eyes and make your wish; for everything to go back to how it was.

The alarm is blasting as you open your eyes, light seeping in. Today, your birthday has slowly crept up behind you and now this is the third time you have slept your alarm. You don’t want to attempt to put on a brave face for anyone, so you scroll through TikTok for five minutes and then decide to roll out of bed and prepare yourself for school.

After getting ready for the day, you gradually make your way down the stairs to grab something quick before the bus comes. The lights are out, which surprises you because it’s often a madhouse at this time of the morning. Your mom scrambles around to get all of your little siblings ready, all four of them. While she also attempts to get herself ready for her third shift since

2:00 am. Before you can think about this more, the lights come on, and all your little siblings plus your mom, jump up from behind the kitchen island and shout “Happy Birthday!” You can’t control the smile that rises onto your face.

“Aww, guys.” You pause to soak it all in, “Thank you. That just made my day so much better,” you tell your family.

“No problem, just glad to make you smile,” your mom says to you knowingly. “Alright little ones, I think the bus is here. I love you and have an amazing day.” The four of them rush out of the door like wild animals. You have a little more time before the bus for your high school comes, so you sit down at the island and grab a banana to eat while you wait.

Your mom has to leave for work, but she stays back and asks, “Grace, if you need to take the day off today you can.” For a moment you consider it. But no, you couldn’t leave Sam alone at school, the only one who has been with you all along.

“I’m alright. Thank you though, Mom,” you answer.

“Okay, have a great birthday sweetheart!” she replies as she rushes out the door. You take a moment to appreciate your mom and what she does for you—always putting you and your sibling first and without fail. Then you hear the bus honk, so you rush out, with the door slamming behind you.

You sink into your usual seat on the rusty bus, anticipating what will happen today at school. You wonder if things are going to be as tense as they were yesterday. You know things won’t ever go back to how they were, but you wonder if this pain will ever go away. You decide that music will help, and listen to some Billie Eilish. So you connect your earbuds and push away those thoughts. The bus reaches your school and you make your way out of the rickety old bus onto the cold, hard, cement.

As you walk through the hallways you notice a different feeling than yesterday; lighter. You spot Jessica in the hallway and your heart aches as you avoid eye contact with her. The strange thing is that she seems to slow down when she reaches you. You are astonished that she is even in your vicinity much less making eye contact. “Happy Birthday Grace!” Jess exclaimed with a gigantic smile. Everything around you is spinning. You try to form words but you just stand there for at least a minute. Your heart is pounding so hard you can’t even think. “Okay hun, your kinda freaking me out, can we talk at lunch?” Jess says.

“Yeah,” you mutter. That is all that you manage to get out as she walks away. You’re trying to figure out what just happened. You focus on getting to math class alright, with your heart still pounding as hard as a brass band.

 As you walk into math class you take your seat next to Sam. "I need to tell you something, you won't believe it," you whisper. The bell rings and your teacher, Mr V, hands out a worksheet.

“This isn’t going to be due until next week, but I’m giving you all of class time to work on it.” He announces in his usual, monotone voice. You and Sam share a look, both knowing that you aren’t going to even look at this paper.

Sam asks, “So what is going on that's so important? By the way, happy birthday!”

“Thanks, here is the run down, Jess just purposely came up to me, in the hallway and wished me happy birthday. Like what happened, just didn’t? I don’t know if that makes sense but,” you ramble.

“It makes sense, so go on,” Sam says, reassuring you.

“Okay, I also made this pathetic wish last night that everything would go back to how it used to be, like with Jess and us and stuff,” you explain. “That might have something to do with it.”

“Grace, have you ever tried to talk to Miss Nelson before?”, Sam questions.

“Wow, straight to I think you should see the school counselor stuff. Do I sound that psycho?”, you gasp sarcastically.

“No, but I go to see her once and a while and it seems like this might develop into a deeper conversation,” Sam replies with an encouraging smile. “You could go this period, we have gym next, and Mr. V won’t care as long as you let him know.”

“Okay,”  you answer. Mr. V signs you a pass and you're on your way.

 You've never been to the counselor before and you wonder what it's like. Do you automatically open up to them about everything or does it take multiple sessions? When you reach the office, your nerves are through the roof. The office lady leads you to the door. As soon as you open the door you feel instantly welcomed and at peace. Essential oils are flowing through the air along with multiple different seating options spread out across the room. A friendly face is sitting at the desk, which you assume is Miss Nelson. She waves you in and motions you to choose wherever you want to sit.

After you get through the basic questions, she asks you if you are still upset and/or mad about the situation with Jess. This stumps you because you have avoided thinking about it. “All I know right now is that I miss her and our relationship,” you explain.

“Okay, so I’m going to ask this question and you don’t necessarily need to answer it, but why did Jessica move away from your group?”, Miss Nelson ponders.

“I mean Jess has always been someone who could shift her personality depending on who she was with, but when she was with us, she was her most comfortable self. Why would she want to leave when we all have been ourselves with and around each other for so long?”

“What if she needed to find who she could be without you?” she questions. This gave you the realization that it's not just your story. Everyone around you is struggling in one way or another. But Miss Nelson doesn’t seem to be finished, “It seems like she still wants to be friends with you, but she might want to grow in her friendships. I don’t think that she felt very content with just two friends, just off of the description you gave. Agree?”

“Yeah, I can see that now” you answer.

“Do you think you would be open to branching out as well?” Miss Nelson asks you.

“I’m not great with new people,” You pause to think, “What if I get hurt again?” you respond. You realize you haven’t ever said anything like that out loud before. “What if you don’t?” Miss Nelson shoots back at you. This shines a light on what you have been troubled by. You thank Miss Nelson for listening and promise to come back.

You walk into the lunch room with your tray and what you see makes your heart pang. It's Sam and Jess at your table waving you over. But now that you have talked it over, you realize it's probably been some time since Jessica has been happy in the friend group, just because you were afraid of change.

Once you reach the table you immediately apologize. All three of you talk through what you talked about in the counselor's room along with more stuff about how everyone wants to continue this friend group. You decide to accept Jess's offer to come to hang out with her new friends. You all meet after school at the coffee shop down the road, Butterfly Grounds. You hope that this new friend group will continue to blossom.