The black engulfed me. It was so dark... I closed my eyes and opened them... no change. I could feel my legs and my arms. I could feel my face. I knew I was there. I knew I was here. I curled up into a ball, chin tucked in the small valley between my folded knees. I wrapped my trembling arms around my legs and leaned against the cold wall.

My mind raced and my breathing was labored. This didn't happen. It couldn't happen. How did it happen? My forehead throbbed and my tongue was dry and my throat hurt... and... I hurt... it hurt so much. To be hated with such a passion. To be hated.

Silent tears of regret coursed down my cheeks and found their way onto my knee, down my leg and gratefully into my socks, where they disappeared forever. But I could still feel their horrible coldness in the cloth against my skin. My fingers gripped the skin on my leg so tightly I felt warmth: it was too thick for tears, too sticky... I collapsed.

My arm smarted against my side and I cried. I cried loudly. I didn't care who heard. I wanted them to hear. I wanted them to end it all quickly. Just to end it. End it.

I did not have the strength to sit up. I did not have the will to sit up. I just lay there on the cold, unforgiving concrete and prayed with all of my battered heart to end it all. Please. Please. Just end it already. I don't want to live anymore. I bit my lip and again felt the thick stickiness. It tasted like metal. I swallowed it and closed my eyes. What did it matter? Everything was so black... everybody's hearts were so black. Please. End it. End it for me.

Please. Everything was so dark.