Now I understand what Sara meant in the Park, “Everything happens for a reason. Even though the outcome of some things are so terrible and sickening we would rather die than accept them.”

I know in my heart that she had wanted to tell me about her troubles and her sadness but it would have harmed my life too and she wasn’t ready to take that risk. Instead she had headed head first into her problems alone. I know that if I had been with her it wouldn’t have been very different. Well, except for that I would be with her lying on the floor. After seeing her body torn apart on my kitchen floor I wish I had been there. I wouldn’t have been able to save her but I could have at least tried.

Now that this happened I have to think about all the things she did for me, raising me, and loving me. And me, never thanking her, never loving her like she deserved. She was my sister for 15 years throughout which she took care of me more than she took care of herself. And i wasn't even there when she needed me. Sara died alone.