I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff, looking down and afraid that I’ll fall. But I suppose that’s what love is supposed to feel like right? It’s hard to tell because I’ve never been in love, or at least I’ve never felt like this before and I’m scared to tell him what I feel.

There’s just something about him that makes me feel giddy. I can’t look at him without smiling like an idiot, nor even think about him without giggling. He has the most gorgeous hazel eyes. When I stare into them I can almost see into his soul. His smile just melts me, with his perfectly, white teeth. And his hair, thick and brown at just the right length, is a picture of perfection.

His laughter is contagious. Every time he laughs, everyone laughs with him. He always has a great joke to tell and is never shy with anyone. I can’t stay mad at him for more than five minutes, he gives me those puppy dog eyes and I just can’t win.

I feel safe in his arms. No matter what’s bothering me I can tell him about it and he’ll understand. He doesn’t even have to agree with me, but just understanding me makes a world of difference. We share our dreams with each other and we talk about our goals. Whenever we talk about the future, he always includes me in it; he says he wants to stay with me forever.

But then we found out about his sickness. We found out that his dreams wouldn’t come true, his goals would never be reached, and his future, the one where we’d be together forever, would never happen. Yet he stayed strong, he wouldn’t let it get him down. He loved me even more than he had before.

I stayed with him through those relentlessly, trying months. I watched his hair thin, his smile weaken, and finally even his soulful eyes fade. He wasn’t with me anymore, he was just an empty shell that I couldn’t talk to. I couldn’t leave him there all alone though. So I stayed with him even when he didn’t recognize me anymore, when he didn’t notice anything anymore. I talked to him about what we used to talk about, but he didn’t hear me.

It’s hard for me to think about my future now, without him in it. I know he’d want me to still reach for my dreams, but it’s so hard. We were going to be together forever and now I feel cheated. It’s not fair he was taken from me so soon. But maybe I just feel regret, maybe it’s my fault because I never really told him how I felt. I never told him I loved him, and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.