The hands, covered in the filth that I knew as life stared back at
me. Forced to suffer pain, blood, sweat, what ever life had to give and all for what? What happened, that I’m laying here alone, lifeless, staring off into the world of nothingness. Every single thought of life, shot down along with my spirit, which no longer is fueled. Why torment myself anymore and just finish it here, today? There's no more to live inside, for I’ve ended it ten years ago. I had a life, with everything I could wish. Once there was a wife, children, pets, and wonderful job. The voice laughs within my foolishness. You had a life, not anymore! 32 years old now, not a bum by choice. How it all happened, ah I can’t remember. Living in the shadow of buildings, with society hidden away. My clothes have suffered, torn and corrupted like my face. My facial scruff given up. The makeshift shoes of cardboard wrapped in plastic bags on my feet were my only hope. I walk the streets Lincoln lonesome, struggling to scrounge food off of anyone I can find. Some days better than others, others not so grand. A fruit here or there always brought gleefulness to my eyes. Watching the day sky slowly taking its last hours of breath, I set off home.
The roof to my box sunk in further, another rain or two and I’d have to abandon and move. That was never enjoyable. Finding material for a good size shelter was hard. Getting it to keep me warm through the frigid nights was even harder. Altogether I’ve had eight shelters, each lasting about half a month. As each hut parishes, a more improved hut took its place. As I sat in my box, watching the people of fortune pass on by. Memories of the past flashed through my head. A young man with an iPod danced across the street. His body flowed with the music so graciously. I remembered when my walkman was my life. I would go out side and listen to the music till the batteries couldn’t take it. I continued to look around to find a young sales person in a goofy outfit wanting to get people to try their new restaurants sandwich. The look on his face clearly told that he didn’t want to be out there. I always have enjoyed work. It gave me a feeling of success and pride to my self. When I had a job, I was able to get out and get my hands on society. Everybody new me for my hard work at anything I did. Too bad its all gone. All I can look forward to, is becoming a elderly man expressing my unhappiness to what the world is becoming. Each person had a different light to them. What I could do with just one sliver of it. After a couple of minutes, my eyes began to die down and I decided to take a snooze. From time to time I enjoyed when i could get away, either in my hut or out in the woods. It allowed me to be adventurous with nothing to lose. A cool breeze swept into my shelter and I awoke to find the end of the day to its end. I walked out to watch the sun fall but found a little boy sitting on a bench outside a Dairy Queen. He seemed to be waiting for someone. Thoughts of my childhood tried to find its way. It had been so long since I had talked to a child. The sight of one always cheered me up. They were always happy with imagination so great the universe couldn’t compare. Always positive, wondering what would come next for them. I have always wished to be a child agin. I watched the boy draw a picture on a binder, though I couldn’t make it out, then a woman came up to the child. "Mommy, look what I drew!" The child gave the picture to his mother only for his mother tell him to wait until they got home. I continued to watch as the mother and son got their ice cream and started to walk towards me. Just about ten feet away from him, the boy dropped his ice cream. “That’s ok, I was finished with it already. I don’t like the cone anyway.” the boy told his mother. “I’m going to go back to get some napkins to clean off your shirt, stay right here, ok? The mother replied. As the mother went back, I sat and watched the boy try to clean himself up. The child boy looked around with that childish curiosity he admired so much, until he notices me sitting by the wall a few feet from him. He focuses on my misfortunate face. How hopeless and sad I seemed to be. He turned back to his mother, she was waiting on a worker, then looked back at me once more and headed my way. I gave the child a smile full of shame, hating what I’ve become. The boy asked what happened to me “I made a bad decision and now have nothing to look forward to except this box.” I told the boy. “Are you in trouble?” he asked Looking at the child, I had nothing to say. He reminded me so much of what I used to be. He even had some characteristics that I did as a child. Oh what I would do to get a new start. I told the boy of my story and how I used to be like him, but now I lived with nothing. Not even a family. The boy reached inside his bag and brought out a folded paper. He looked at it and hesitated for a few seconds, then put it in my lap. “Now you have something to look at. My Mom always tells me if im sad, to think of happy things and draw them. I drew this picture of what I want to be when I grow up.” the boy said. “Well, don’t ever quit on your dreams, Because one day they could come true. And if you happen to make a mistake, don’t back down, try agin. You are capable of anything!” The boy starred at me sitting helplessly. All the sudden his mom came screaming at the child.
"Get over here this instant!" The boy jumped at his mother’s angry yell, soon the mom and child scurry away. I closes his eyes for a while to rewind the conversation I had with the boy. I took the paper he gave me and began to spread it wide open, as to not miss once inch of the drawing. I scrutinizes for a long time at the image pictured on it. I raised my head, and what for the first time a small smirk came across my face. Next a larger smile. I seems to have discovered something that was lost for ages. I had a thriving feeling of Self- confidence overwhelm myself. I stood up and stared at my hands. “If these hands had it in them before, then I know they still have it in them now!” I cheered. I looked around at all the people, and all the opportunities out there for them, then back at my hands. Only to wipe them on my pants and confidentially walk down the street, as if I was a phoenix.