The truck was stolen. Didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Samuel had placed the gun under my seat and tied my hands with rope. I don’t even remember breathing. I don’t even remember blinking. The only thing I could focus on, the only thing my mind would allow me to think of was eyes. Mama’s eyes that were just pleading; pleading for an answer. I thought of all the many eyes of my family members, as they watched me willingly walk away with a murder. Jace’s bloodshot bronze eyes as he took his last breath, wishing for more time. Then Samuel: his hazel eyes that some would see filled with hatred. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t see hatred. Hate would explain why he has done everything he has. I saw emptiness and loneliness. Eyes are a dead giveaway for showing feelings; you just have to know how to read them. I can read Sam. I have always been able to.
I do not recall if I fell asleep or blacked out. Whichever, it didn’t do me any good. I couldn’t tell where we were. Samuel was being extremely stern, and quieter than ever. My shoulders were beginning to ache with tension from the rope around my wrists. I let out a deep slow breath trying to clear my thoughts. Sam looked over and spoke for the first time, without anger or strict power. “I should have warned you.”
“Warned me about you coming? Warned me about why you wanted me to come with you? Warned me about my life changing? Or did you want to warn me about killing my friend?”
“Forget it.”
“Sam, please talk to me.”
“I’m trying.”
“What did you do this time? I mean, before you came and got me?” The words flew out of my mouth before I could take them back. I had told myself long before all of this happened that I was tired of knowing all the horrible things Samuel got himself into. Even if I did change my mind, and wanted to know about what happened, it wasn’t a good time to ask.
“You stopped caring remember?”
“Who told you that?” That is Samuel. My Sam. He always knows what is going on with me, what I am thinking. I have no idea how he does it but he manages to know me, even when we haven’t talked in ages.
“Nobody has to tell me. I can figure it out on my own.”
“Sam—“
“I always knew, or thought, I had one person who cared about me, who cared about what I did, and was hurt when I made wrong choices. I knew you were there for me. My parents, the therapists, everyone…they would tell me, ‘Every bad choice you make is hurting someone.’ They meant you, and I knew that too. When they stopped telling me that, I knew you stopped caring.”
“It hurt.”
“Giving up on me hurt or trying to believe in me hurt?”
“Knowing what you did to yourself. It hurt me so bad. It hurt me because I did care. If I didn’t know, I wasn’t worrying or in pain.”
“I’m not going to apologize.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to. I don’t want an apology. I want an answer to a question.”
“What?”
“If you knew I didn’t care, if that is what you truly thought, why did you come get me?”
“You’re a smarter version of me.” Sam stated. It wasn’t a question; he knew this to be a fact. I knew it too; I would never admit it even to myself though.
“What do you mean?”
“We are just alike Adalynn. We have been since we were younger. You know what I mean. You want away from your home, this hell of a place as much as I do. You had plans though. You knew where you were going and what it took to get there, and you were going to make sure it happened. You knew what you wanted to be, and you knew that you were going to be somebody. Adalynn, you had dreams. That’s smarter than me. I wanted a simple way to get away from the family. If I’m in jail, I’m away from them.”
“Sam, I did have dreams. I don’t anymore, you stole them from me. Not twenty-four hours ago, all my dreams disappeared like snow in the sun. All because of another thing you chose to do, and what do you know, it hurt me again. I wanted away from the pain you caused me. Although, that didn’t work for you now did it? You have be in my life Sam, even if it causes me pain?! I was out of here soon. I was out of this state, and away from this family. I wanted to wait, until it was all legal and nobody could stop me. That’s how we are different Samuel. You would do anything, you wanted the same thing I did, but you would do whatever it took, and turns out, you ended up just like them. Just like our rotten family. You are just like them.”
That’s when he slapped me, hard. Never had he ever hit me, even when we were younger. He had not once ever even joked around and hit me in the arm. Sam hit me now though. He slapped me right across the face, causing my head to turn as my hair hit my sensitive skin. My forehead hit the window of the truck, causing it to break and cut my head and lip on the sharp glass. I turned and look at him, blood starting to gush from my lip, and the blood slide down my cheeks as tears would, right in his eyes. The hate still wasn’t there, all I saw was betrayal. I had betrayed him when I forcefully labeled him like our family. If I hadn’t meant it, I may have taken it back, and tried to apologize. Even if I hadn’t meant it, and tried to apologize, nothing could take it back. With every word that comes out of your mouth, no matter what it is, you can’t say you didn’t mean it. A part of you did mean it. When I called him like them, I meant it. What I didn’t say out loud though, was I was like them too. I speak hateful things, just as they do.