Life as a lawyer isn't all it's cracked up to be. Spending most of the day at the office can be both boring and exhausting. Being hated yet envied at the same time is even more so.

"You're so lucky Michael to be a lawyer! You must make a lot of money!"

That's true.

"Yeah right. What's so great about damn cold-blooded demons? All they care about is making a quick buck!"

I guess that's true too.

I do love money but then again, who doesn't? Isn't it really the only thing worth working hard for? As a part-time entrepreneur, I understand it's our worldly connection to power, status, and wealth - the American dream. So cut a lawyer some slack the next time you spit on or throw rocks at. He/she may be the next judge who decides if you spend the rest of your life in jail or a month on parole. But seriously, we're not really evil. Sure we can be a bit of a smooth talking jack-*cough* but it's just part of the quota.

1. Wear a suit.
2. Bring a briefcase.
3. Talk your way out, even if you're wrong.

The grown up world isn't for the naive. You can't expect to get through life on nothing but hard work and no attitude otherwise, people will just walk all over you. In this line of business, you can't be weak or you won't be able to handle the stress of saving lives or ruining lives. As a lawyer, it's our job to balance spinning a web of sweet hope for defendants and as for the judge...bittersweet deceit.


As a lawyer, you'd think I'd be too busy for a woman in my life, but you are sadly misinformed. Having money and a decent job status makes the love life of a lawyer rather interesting. In fact, I was almost married.

*Two and a half years previous*

I had just left the courthouse after a particularly exhausting case involving an abusive husband and an emotionally unstable wife who, at the time was not present. The blubbering shouts of the husband gave me a freaking headache! Frankly, all I wanted to do was to sit back and sip my coffee by the sea. Sounds relaxing, doesn't it? But probably too relaxing as my five seconds of peace shattered. As a red-faced, puffy-eyed woman pushed past the waiter carrying my second coffee well let's just say my dear Armani suit will never be the same again.

"Armani! This suit is Armani! Now I have to send this suit AGAIN to the dry-cleaners this week to get coffee stains out. Geez, women these days are crazy!" I grumbled as I tried to ignore the sticky chaffing of my soiled suit. Did I mention it was Armani? Anyways, I decided to walk home to avoid ruining the leather upholstery of my car. A man's car is like his soul after all. But as I reached home sweet home, apparently the bad luck didn't end as I found my trash scattered all over my lawn.
"Ahhhhhrgh! What the hell?!? Damn raccoons!"

"Wait a second. Spilled coffee, a ruined suit and a trashed lawn? What's going on? What if this keeps happening? Maybe I should donate a few grand for good karma! Wait but I'm Christian". I muttered but stopped short.

Ugh forget it I'm going home. The neighbors are starting to look at me funny. I thought as I saw a neighbor peeking through their window giving me the stink eye.

The next day was a Sunday, so I had the day off. I attended church every other month on Sunday and yes you guessed it, today was that day. I always went straight to the confession box to "erase my sins" As a lawyer, the list is usually quite long. As a devilishly handsome man, even more so.

Three months ago
"I'm sorry father for lying and cheating at Tim's poker game last week".

Two months ago
"I'm sorry father for falling for Tim's wife and trying to seduce her".

One month ago
I'm sorry father for committing adultery".

Apparently Tim and the priest must have been gossiping earlier today because at 3 a.m. Tim came knocking at my door to deliver a killer blow to my jaw. A swift kick after, not only knocked me out but prevented me from having any kids in the future.
When I woke up, the fifty bucks I had scammed out of Tim was missing along with my car keys…and car. FML.

Anyhow, as I sat down to begin my routine confessions I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry father for I have sinned" I readied myself to lay my heart out.

"Last month I told you about my affair with Tim's wife but I had an affair with his best friend's wife as well the week after"
"I told my boss I had the flu so I could go to a bowling match with friends"
"I took a cookie at a blood drive but didn't donate."

I left the church feeling lighter and slightly happy. It felt good to get things off my chest once in awhile. But right now what would feel even better is some grub so I headed off back to my favorite seaside cafe. Sure, you'd think I'd go to a different place after the coffee incident but there isn't a better view in all of New Orleans and....the food is pretty good here as well.

Five minutes after I was seated, it seemed Lady Luck was finally on my side as a gorgeous young woman started walking over to my table. Jackpot!

"Excuse me, is this seat taken"?

"Not at all” I smiled, as I gestured for her to take a seat.

My smile faded. Unfortunately, that's exactly what she did. She grabbed the chair and dragged it over to another table with what appears to be her boyfriend. But wait! Maybe that's just her brother or a friend. Maybe it's an unc-...never mind. They're kissing.

"Excuse me sir but is this-"

"Go ahead, take it". I sighed as I didn't even bother to look up.

"Thank you". She replied and took a seat at my table.

This time I did look up and as corny as this sounds, my jaw almost dropped.

The woman, who I later learned is named Rita, was even more beautiful than the previous. To my delight, every so often, she would glance in my direction. Oh yeah, she digs me.

The next few minutes were spent in an uncomfortable silence with the occasional chatter. She began reading a book while I tried to concentrate on my newspaper.

Ahhh! What should I say? I thought. Dinner is almost over... Oh I know! Maybe I'll go old school. "Hey babe, want a cookie?” No wait that's pre-school, not old school! I snapped out of my musings as she got up to leave.

"Hey wait!" I shouted.

"Yes?"

"Uhhhh..."

"Well if you have nothing to say then I guess I'll be going now."

Oh crap, time is running out! C'mon! Think, think! You're a lawyer for Pete's sake!

"W-want a cookie?"

I inwardly smacked my head. The best lawyer in the Southern coast and that's all I could think of? A cookie!?!?!

"Do you mean dessert?"

I nodded. Sureee let's go with that.

"I'm sorry but I'm on a diet."

I sighed. Typical.

"But I'm free on Wednesday. How about coffee? There's a cozy cafe down the block with the best Brazilian coffee!"

A lovely lady and Brazilian coffee? I think I'm in love.

The next few months we continued to meet. The next two years we were engaged.

"Do you Michael Davis take Rita Starks to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

"And do you Rita Starks take Michael Davis to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"...I do."

"Let's spend our life together, forever." I smiled.

"Till death do us part." She winked back in response.

"Then by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

As I leaned down to close the distance between my soon-to-be wife, I couldn't help but feel tingling warmth in my gut. I'm going to get married! I thought and gently kissed her lips. But something was strange. In my mouth was a familiar metallic taste. I touched my lips and saw blood. As I looked back at Rita, it was smudged over her lips as well.

"Rita, your mouth is bleeding!" I exclaimed.
"No Michael, your mouth is bleeding."

The tingling sensation in my gut started to send waves of pain throughout my body.
I looked down and saw a knife handle sticking out. I collapsed onto my hands and knees.

"But why Rita?" I coughed, as blood rushed into my lungs.

"Two years ago you got my husband sent to jail to rot for the next twenty."

"I thought he was abusive. Not to mention he murdered two men." My throat rattled painfully.

She began to get angry. "He was my husband and I loved him! You can't understand how a woman feels when her husband is taken awa-...."

I didn't hear the rest as the world spun around me in a dizzy blur. I had lost consciousness.

When I woke up, it looked as though I had come out of a train wreck. Tubes were stuck all over my body. Bruises and scratch marks covered my face and arms. The doctor told me Rita tried to finish the job after I blacked out. It took three policemen to hold her down and take her into custody.

"As expected, women sure are scary." The doctor commented as he took a glimpse of my finger-shaped streaks on my face.

"I heard from the police that after an investigation, neighbors reported seeing her rummaging through your trash several times. It must be tough losing a wife this way, eh?" He continued.

"Yep. But now she and her husband can live happily ever after together as they both rot in jail." I weakly smiled as the doctor nodded and left the room soon after.

"So was this all just a crazy scheme to break my heart...? Well that explains the so-called raccoon vandalizing and the constant stomach aches after every meal Rita cooked. And to think I thought it was because she was a lousy cook." I chuckled for awhile but soon stopped short with a long sigh. My wedding ring was lying on the table beside me.

I know I should be glad I survived this crazy “Rita” ordeal and all but as I look back at my empty ring finger I can't help but think...

Crap, I'm single again.