“… the economy.”

“God, don't even get me started on the economy.”

“I'll tell you, these guys in Washington couldn't care less about us. It's not their money. We could be bought by China tomorrow for all they care. Wouldn't make a bit of a difference to them. They'd fly off on their private jets, off to their private islands, and live out their days in luxury. They're crooks, the whole lot of them.”

“And then there's the president.”

“Don't get me started on the president. No offense, Marv.”

“Why would I take offense? I didn't vote for him.”

“You didn't?”

“No … why would you think I voted for him?”

“Come on, Marv, don't make me say it.”

“Say what? Oh, don't tell me-”

“I'm not trying to offend you
or anything.”

“Well, it's a little late for that.”

“I didn't mean anything by it.”

“No, of course you didn't. So just because I'm black, that means I voted for Obama? I didn't know that was how it worked. Boy, you white guys must have had a real tough time voting in the past elections with two white people running. How'd you ever decide who to vote for?”

“Actually, I don't vote.”

“Of course you don't. Why would you? It's just our county's future. Ain't no biggy.”

“Look, Marv, you need to calm down. Have another drink.”

“Naw, I'm out of here. Bigots!”

“Must be his period or something.”

“I don't know, Mike. Even I thought that was insensitive.”

“Insensitive? How about you stop with the woman-talk, Leo. Anyway, I didn't mean anything by it. If you want to make something of it, we can settle this in the parking lot. Otherwise I suggest you chill out.”

“Calm down, Mike. No one wants to start anything with you. Maybe you should lay off the beer for a while.”

“Oh, you're one to talk.”

“Well, I'm not trying to start fights at least.”

“Could have fooled me the way you're running your mouth.”

“All right, let's cut this out. Go back to complaining about D.C. You're more pleasant to be around when you've got something to focus your aggression on.”

“I'm pretty sure I should be mad about something you just said, but I'm not entirely sure what and I'm a little too drunk to care.”

“Don't you think there's something sad about a group of middle-aged guys sitting around a bar on a Wednesday afternoon arguing about something none of them really care about?”

“It's all Washington's fault.”

“How do you figure?”

“They need to fix the job market. I should be working right now, but instead I'm sitting here drinking with you losers.”

“You could always go home to your wife and daughter.”

“You worry about your life, I'll worry about mine.”

“Sorry, and anyway, I don't see you coming up with any good ideas.”

“Ideas for what?”

“Ideas to fix the job market.”

“Why should I do that?”

“Somebody's got to.”

“That's their job. They can figure
it out.”

“Well, until someone figures it out, I suppose we'll be spending a lot more time at Puzzles.”

“What kind of a name is Puzzles for a bar anyway?”

“Beats me.”

“Doesn't really matter. The beer is good and it's right by my house.”

“Well, I'm sure the beer would be just as good anywhere.”

“Still, I'm used to it.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Better enjoy it while it's here. Pretty soon Mr. President will find a way to ruin this too.”

“You think the president is going after small town bars all across the country?”

“Wouldn't surprise me. It's not like he's doing anything else.”

“Mike, I'd love to see you as ­president.”

“Let me tell you, things would be different.”

“How so?”

“Well, for starters I'd fix the ­economy.”

“How do you plan on doing that?”

“Don't worry about it. I'd figure something out.”

“Of course you would. Then what?”

“Then I'd end the war.”

“Sounds good. How?”

“I'll just pull the troops out.”

“Well, if it was that easy, don't you think someone would have done it?”

“Those morons? They have no idea what they are doing.”

“Of course they don't. All right, then what?”

“I'd set everybody up with jobs,
of course.”

“What kind of jobs?”

“Good ones. No one would have to worry about money.”

“Even as I ask this, I'm pretty sure I know what you are going to say, but how are you planning on doing that?”

“Well, I don't know off the top of my head! I'd figure something out.”

“Of course you would. Yep, you'd make a great president.”

“I'd vote for me.”

“I thought you didn't vote.”

“I'd make an exception just this once.”

“You know, you have to have a clean past to become president. They look into that stuff.”

“Yeah, so what?”

“You've had a few run-ins with
the law.”

“Nothing serious.”

“Yes, well, you've been arrested.”

“Those were just misunderstandings.”

“Assault, public drunkenness, I don't know how many DUIs. Where do the misunderstandings come in?”

“What are you, a cop?”

“No, I'm just saying. I don't know how many people would vote for somebody with as colorful a past as yours.”

“You're probably right. I probably wouldn't be elected because it seems like they only elect idiots anymore.”

“I wouldn't say that.”

“Oh no? Haven't you read the newspaper lately? Don't you know how much trouble our country is in?”

“Yeah, I know. Still, they can't all be stupid.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Well for starters, didn't most of them go to Ivy League schools?”

“Yeah, so what?”

“What college did you go to?”

“Things were different then. My girlfriend was pregnant; my dad kicked me out. I didn't have time for college.”

“I know, Mike, I know.”

“Why do you got to bring that up anyway?”

“I'm sorry, Mike. I don't know. I wasn't thinking, I guess.”

“Whatever. Even without college, I'd still be a great president.” Mike drained his sixth beer, knowing full well that it wouldn't be his last.