I wanted to write write smthingn smwhere where my real identity isnt revealed.... I dont know y but i just Wanted to so here it is...
It all started in june.. My friends approximately 14i never counted them but they all believed what they heard and never thought about asking me once if i said so to be i dont even know what happended i just know this much that i lost these many people just in one day they heard thay i talk behind their backs they heard that i lied about my familu that is that my mom gives more preference to my sister and they both sometimes team together and beat me they thought that i tell make up stuff to gain their sympathy i m actually not a person who likes to gain sympathy by lying... And i dont even lie they are white lies and i suppose it wontmatter to a person that much that he or she would simply leave me without even talking to ne about it.
These people just messaged me stuff and ended everything in just 1minute they ended 4 years old friendship just in a minute i trjed to talk but what could i have done if they weren't interested.
It went like this i went to school to pick my result there my class teacher accuses me of telling lies to my friends. I was surprised to hear that from her mouth first i was like who could have said such stuff. Then when i went home i callep up my friends they were ignoring me as in telling their family members to tell me that they have gone somewhere and all. Soi tried to contact them on facebook they said stuff which i never expected. They believed what my enemies said... I felt that for whom i had given 4years of my life they never had faith in me, they leave it.... I cried that whole day. I started staying quiet... I m a chatterbox.. You give me any topic i canspeak hell lot... I even talk to myself and i can also talk to my dog if i dont have anyone else around.
I remained shut for days i cried and cried.... I went into a depression... For a month... Then i found a person.. A person who could hear me, a person who could. Just listen to what i had stored in my heart... Yes i found a friend.... I talked to her daily.... We shared stuff... We formed a beautiful bond.... And guess what are b'days are onsame date its just that she is born an year later....
After her another person came into my life actally that guy wasvalready their but he didn't show any interest to be true.
I made a beautiful card for him on his b'day which was after two weeks from everything that had happened i used all my skills all my thinking power in his card that was my aim for 2weeks.. It was sonething because of which i was living otherwise. I would have killed myself.
After his b'day i became miserable because i had nothing to do with my life i m a kind of person for whom her friends are everything. She can fight for friends with anyone she can do anything for her friends you just have to name it.
Thats how i lived my life earliar now i had no one i had no aim i had nothing. I was lonely person. A person who needed love and wanted to be cared.
I love bringing smiles on people face through any means i do that now also but mostly people use me and i let them do that just because i love the smiles they have across their faces... I can spend as much money thy want... I can do anything to make them happy...i dont care abput myself... That is wher my present friends say i am wrong... I m wrong because i sacrifice my own needs for others i give others more priorty than myself....
Alrite i was telling about my guy friend for whom i had made a card and i had also written a diary he was touched but he didnt knew how to express it i got to know that later when i got to know him better.. This guy friend is 8 years older than me i know it sounds weird i was just 15 (presently i m 16)....
This friend got me out of that dark area he showed me real life he told his life experiences to me... And frankly speaking it is because of him that i m. Living otherwise iwould have killed myself months ago... I dont know how i started liking him i had a crush on him like from May but i never realised because its normally like someone else makes me realise that i have a crush on this person i dont get this type of stuff myself.
I tried to contact this guy everyday i suppose after that friends thing but he was busy in his own stuff... Obviously why wouldhe give time to someone to someone whom he just knew like a friends sister... Yes this guy knew me just through my sister... Bt i had a lot of respect for this guy i dont know the reason bt from the day i met him i had that respect.
Yes he would talk to me like sqy once in one week... The thing was i wanted to talk to someone who is normal and isnt like awww this happened with you or just showing sympathy i felt bad for myself... This guy never made me feel like that thats why i wanted to be in his contact... I tried to make my plans with him but its obvious he cant give me a lot time... Why would he.... We did went on lunch and all a lot but only i opened up he just stayed like a digital lock diary... I could never crack the code i could never make him feel that he canshae stuff... So it was just i who said everything and i felt that we have become good friends but actually it was NOTHING... . We were not good friends... He guided me he guided me hell lot..... And then i dont how we connected we connected in August we started talking weshared stuff i got to know him the real him.... We started talking on phone late at night and continued upto two three hours untill it was time for me to go to school.... Then we started chatting a lot... Then one day their came a topic about my first kiss i was 15 and i had never had my first kiss. ....... He said that he ll be the one who ll make me try my first kiss.... I went to his home and my first kiss was freaking awesome... But i never thought that i would have all this i mean kissing a crush is a dream and i was living it.... It was my first time i was nude in front of a guy...... I trusted this guy a lot as in indian societies the are many cheap who just know how to use girls... But he wasnt such type...
i dont know but a week later i went again to his house and we had sex.... What do u expect now... I kept falling for tbis guy.... I wanted to continue it... He was doing it because he likes it, it is his need. I was doing it because i liked him and it was something i liked too becaus it was him.... .. I never realised that this might end up to somethong big... I mean i thought that he is just a cruh it will get over.. But actually i was falling for him..... He said once that he feels that i m falling in love with him but i made it all clear by saying no it isnt true my crush is all over and i missed him because it was like three weeks we hadnt talked... But deep down i knew that i was..... I like this guy a lot... And i know that hewont ever like me back..... But itis just something i wanted to write and i dont want any of my friends to know about this...
This guy and i share everything , our thoughts our feelings everything..,.. . We are also in a physical relationship... He cares a lot... But its just that i m a school going girl who is going to give her 10th class boards and he is a guy who is 24 years old doing a job....
This thing cant ever workout and he cant ever like me as a girlfriend.. I feelbad sometimes that i cant tell my other friends about it because they might think that i m a s*** for having sex with him... But they wont get my point ever... I do believe in no strings attached type stuff but this guy was someone i already liked so thats where my problem started....
I ll add many things to this article as now i want to sleep... Its 6:18 am morning over here.. .