“Do you know how boring it is when someone describes something with just one stupid adjective? Like, when the police are trying to profile a random suspect by doing an artist’s rendition and the victim describes the person by saying you know blue eyes, blond hair . . . that kind of stuff. Wait! I just gave you an avid description on what I was talking about without being too vague or boring! See, it’s possible!

Well anyway I really think I should give you some examples to tell you what I mean. Okay so say if someone describes one of their brothers as stingy, and parsimonious. First off, no one knows what the heck parsimonious means so let’s just scratch that. Second, that’s boring. Granted, stingy is a fun word to say, but still B.O.R.I.N.G.

So, now that I’ve gotten my point across let’s change a few things. You know instead of calling your brother stingy, and . . . well, that word, let’s change it to something like . . . my brother is like the young un-bearded version of Ebenezer Scrooge. How’s that for describing?

Let’s give another example, shall we? Say if someone described their mom as old and stupid. Boring adjectives right? Well let’s see if we can help this person out. Instead of saying my mom is old and stupid you could say something like . . . my mama so old that when she tried to act her own age she died. Interesting right?

Now I have a good example for a teacher. Say if someone said that teachers were . . .” That’s where Mrs. Roland cut me off.

“Very interesting project Della, nice presentation.” She said gruffly, gesturing for me to sit down. I did, noting the sarcastic annoyance of an old maid in her voice.

I worked my butt off on that English project. It took hours just to come up with an idea! I mean come on! How can you come up with a creative way to describe how each part of speech is used? Seriously? It took hours of thought, and in the end it was all worth it.

“Hi Mrs. Roland,” I said cheerfully walking into class like a cheerleader at homecoming, the next day. “I just want to thank you for the F on my project. I thought it was fantastic too!” I giggled.

“Well Della. . .” she said chuckling to herself. “All I can say is you are as smart as jack-o-lantern. Congrats on the F. You deserve it.”