The Prison of Food | Teen Ink

The Prison of Food

January 13, 2012
By Anonymous

To eat or not to eat.

That was the question haunting me ever since my parents split up. Before that I did have self-image problems due to my perfectionism, but now they’ve exploded into something bigger. After countless hours of lying awake and pondering why I’m the way I am, I’ve come to a conclusion. My mother and father were never very attentive towards me and often never very enthusiastic to any of my success. I pushed harder and harder, trying to get just a “wow” instead of the usual “mmhmm” but it never came. And probably never will. So for now, it’s not to eat. Until I get that “wow” and sense any drop of pride in my parents’ voices, it will remain that way.

I feed the toast my mom has given me to my dog instead of eating it, and indulge in the feeling of freedom, feeling like I have escaped the Prison of Food.

But I know better. As soon as I look at myself, look in the mirror, the doors to my prison cell will be slammed again. Fasting offers me a small escape, but it’s not permanent and will never be the way out. And the more I do it, the deeper I fall into the Prison of Food. The doors will open, allowing me to taste freedom, but I have never dared leave my prison cell. And once I miss the chance, the doors clanks back into place, and the key is turned in the lock.

But I know that eventually, I will run out of chances, and the key will be thrown away, lost forever, never to be seen again and I will never leave the Prison of Food. It calls to me endlessly, it tempts me to eat it, but I will not succumb. I know the way out of this cell. I just have to eat carelessly, not worry about calories or fat or pounds. But the cravings stand in the way of that. If I could just only eat when I’m truly hungry, not because I’m bored, I will have escaped. But finding the courage to escape is a far more challenging journey than the escape itself.

So for now, my decision is “Not to Eat.”



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