When I’m awake I wish I was asleep, but I’m afraid to shut my eyes at night. There’s this fear that plays in the back of my mind that I won’t wake again to see the next sun rise. That I’ll die on my sleep, alone in my room, not getting discovered until one of my parents come to wake me, and I don’t respond.

Most of the time, I’m too tired to realize what’s real and what’s not, and I’m living in a different world where the colours of things become one, and sounds become a constant ringing in my ears. The only thing that gives me a reality check is the little drumming of my pulse that I check every hour to check if I’m still breathing…if I’m still alive…