“It’s a phase” “I don’t think you are. You’re just saying it because you don’t get enough attention from guys” “It’s not a part of the Islamic religion.”
Those were many words that were thrown at me just a couple of months ago when I 1st came out. As a lesbian that is. See what they don’t know is I have really always knew or at least since 5th grade. See I’m not one of those lesbians who are trapped in a girl’s body or the ones who just like to dress like a boy. I have and probably will always be girly. I love dresses and make up and doing my hair.
Well in 5th grade I had this teacher. She was blonde and had the most amazing brown eyes. She was tan up and down. She was just as girly as me. She wore the cutest clothes, her nails were always done and she smelled like the sweetest coffee. I was a transfer in the middle of the year and the 1st day I got there she wasn’t there, though the next day she was. See she was one of those people you always wanted to be around. I remember everyday a couple of times a day I was stand there and say HI. She would say hi back and it would go on for a couple of minutes, until she told me to go to my seat. I would put my head down sadly and walk toward my seat.
My family thinks they understand but the reality is they don’t. I have had girl crushes I dated both girls and guys but I didn’t care as much for the guy than the girl. Honestly when I touch a guy or they touch me (nonsexual) I just feel like friends. I sit on this guy’s lap every day during lunch and I can tell he wants more but I don’t feel anything. If any girl let me sit on them whether a best friend or a stranger I would probably write about it in my journal. I love seeing girls who are close with other girls even If it’s a best friend thing or a girlfriend. I don’t know why it just puts butterflies in my stomach and a story forms in my head.
It’s horrible that I feel like I have to still lie to my parents like things about the Gay Pride Parade. I don’t even let them read my stories because I’m afraid they will judge me.
This world is to rough and harsh. Especially when it’s your family who is against you.