Washington, DC - Wisconsin Senator and current Republican vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan was caught on tape today making disparaging remarks about large population blocs today at a fundraising event. Ryan, a well-known fitness enthusiast, was recorded telling many high-powered exercise celebrities including Jared, Shaun-T, and a surprise attendee, Richard Simmons, that "According to the US census, 23.7% of americans are under eighteen. That's 23.7% of the population that isn't going to vote for us no matter what. And come wednesday night, that's going to be 23.7% of the population who believe that they're entitled to king-sized Reese's cups, to entire Snickers bars, to whole packs of Twizzlers, to you-name-it. That that's an entitlement, and the neighbors should give it to them. And they will not vote for us no matter what. We'll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives by experiencing the satisfaction of eating the healthy treats that I know all of you are going to be handing out tonight. They simply don't understand our message of nutritious eating habits; all they want is sugar and fat."

Speculation on what effect Senator Ryan's remarks will have on the election, now mere days away, is varied. Some authorities believe that his scathing words may have won over the sympathies of many older voters, notorious for handing out the night-ruining healthy snacks that Ryan endorsed to trick-or-treaters. However, it is unclear whether this support will be enough to offset the 23.7% that, regardless of prior plans, will almost certainly not be voting for the Romney-Ryan ticket now.