The Letter
I was in my room all day with the doors shut and blinds down. I was reading the letter over and over holding it in my hands since I first received it. I stared at the tired piece of paper in front of me thinking of all the memories I’ve had with my Dad. The strong, gruff face flashed through my head. Then I remembered my Dad’s beaming grin that was on his face when I had walked down the stairs showing him my 8th grade graduation dress.
I set the letter down and remembered the first letter of this year. He got redeployed during the summer and left the first day of August.
He had left his first letter on my bed, tucked under the arm of Willy, my brown beaten-up teddy bear. Dad gave me him when I was a baby and I’ve slept with him ever since.
I sat down on my bed and grabbed the letter from Willy.
Dear my beautiful little girl, Samantha,
I haven’t even left yet and I miss you like crazy. I want you to stay out of trouble this year and try to get along with your mom, please. You know she loves you with all her heart and all she wants to do is help. I want you to try hard to get good grades this year like you always do. I will write to you as soon as I can but in the meantime...
I left something for you that is very special to me. It’s like protection and something you can remember me for while I’m gone. Go to mom and my room to find my gift from me to you.
I love you to the moon and back,
LOVE,
Daddy
I had smiled, feeling happy for the first time since my dad had left that morning. I yelled out “Mom!” to quickly go and find her so I could find what was left for me.
My mom was the one that kept me together when dad wasn’t around. She was my best friend and my everything. Every week or so, right before I went to bed, when Dad wasn’t around, she would come into my room to tell me a story about him. Most of the stories were about when I was little and what Dad and I used to do. Those stories were definitely the best nights.
Mom had already been waiting right by her bureau, smiling also the first time she was happy since Dad left that morning. She held a gold chain, and at the end of it, hanging from her two fingers, was a golden heart. It was shimmering from the light. I smiled and reached out my hand to grab it from my mom, and then she handed me another note.
Whenever you’re feeling sad or missing me, you will have this to necklace to help you. Keep it forever and ever. I love you, Sam.
I had put it on that day. I wore it the whole time, from when I first received it until now. I wouldn’t take it off. It was a way of connecting me to my father.
Now, I reached to my neck and touched the gold heart resting on my shirt.
The next letter I received was when my mom and I had just gotten home from back-to-school shopping. On the way up the driveway we had stopped to get the mail and I eagerly peered over my mom’s shoulder, reading the addressed mail. I saw one for me, and I grabbed it out of my mom’s hand. We pulled into the garage, but I stayed in the car to finish reading.
At the time it was everything I needed I was about to start school and I wanted my dad’s advice. It was hard when he wasn’t there, but in some ways it brought us closer. I would always hear other girls saying how annoying their dads were and how they wouldn’t let them do anything. I never had that with my dad. Whenever he was with me, I was just grateful that he was there.
I had torn the envelope and started to read.
Dear Samantha,
I’m so sorry I didn’t write to you before, this is the only chance I’ve gotten to write to you. I miss you so much. There was a small girl that I saw yesterday that looked so much like you when you were a kid. I can’t believe your starting high school this year. I miss my little girl. You’ve grown up way too fast.
I can’t wait to see you, but I still don’t know how long it will be until I’m home with you and Mom. I hope that you will get this before you start school because I want you to hear from me before you do. Make sure you sit in the front of the class so the teachers know who you are. Also don’t forget to write down everything that happens once you get home. The first day of high school is pretty important and I want to know everything that happens. I know those upperclassmen can be mean but don’t let it get to you… I love you to the moon and back.
LOVE,
Daddy
Once I had finished reading, I put it into my dad’s cigar box. It was where I kept all the letters I had gotten from my dad, so I could pull them out to read them whenever I missed him. The day before school I had taken that letter out to read it. I had held it in my hands, tracing the familiar cursive writing.
Now, I was doing something similar, but it wasn’t my father’s writing; it was typed out print. I noticed something was different about this letter. It was addressed differently, to the “Brown Family” instead of “Samantha Brown” like it usually was. But neither my mother nor I thought much of it.
I remember writing my first letter back to my dad. I was so excited to get home from school just so I could write down all the things that happened in my day. I got to the end of it and almost forgot to write our ‘famous’ saying at the end. I remember quickly jotting our phrase down at the end.
We always sign our letters, “I love you to the moon and back” I now thought as I remembered the first time he read that book to me. I picked out Guess How Much I Love You only because it had a bunny on the cover, and at the time I was obsessed with bunnies. When we got home, I couldn’t wait for ‘Bedtime’ so we could read the book. And when bedtime came around and he had finished reading the book, he started to cry. I didn’t know at the time that grownups cried at all, but I still jumped out of my bed and latched onto him and said, “What’s wrong, Daddy? Don’t cry!” He waited a couple of seconds to probably get himself together then grabbed my shoulders tightly and said, “Remember this, and remember this always—I love you to the moon and back and I always will.”
I snapped back to reality when my mom knocked on the door. She hadn’t seen me since she had given me the letter when she was going through the mail earlier today. She knew something was up but she played dumb.
“What’s up, honey? What did Daddy say?” she asked.
I burst into tears and ran straight into her arms.
People always say, “I have the best dad ever.” They are all wrong; I had the best dad ever.