Perfect is Normal

“Brooke! Did you hear what I said?”

I hear Maci’s distant chatter trying to get my attention while I gaze at the Senior Prom King and Queen crowns.

“You are so going to win that this year!” Maci says sounding almost sarcastic.

“I really hope so,” I say as we move on to our lunch table in the cafeteria.

Our table is at the farthest end of the cafeteria and the furthest away from the classrooms. Maci and I pass the nerds, the ultra-nerds, the gamers, the wannabes, and everyone else to take our seat, receiving stares and whispers along the way. We just keep our heads high and take our seat at the popular table where the guys and girls of our group are. Blake, my long-time boyfriend, was the star quarterback and people said he was the hottest guy in school. He wrapped his arm over my shoulders; like I was a grand prize he had won. I know he is just trying to show off for all of our friends.

Maci immediately draws attention to her by telling us a story about how her English teacher is a jerk and never gives her a break. Of course she doesn’t fail to mention how extremely hot he is. I try my best to laugh at the right moments and add an occasional, “OMG that’s crazy!” But I can’t help but to think back to the crown.

Prom is tomorrow and being on court is a big deal. The crown is all I want. Winning the crown means you are the most popular girl in school, what everyone wants to be. Everyone wants to be that girl who everyone stares at in the hallways and who all the boys want to date. It’s just the image of being perfect and normal. I will do whatever it takes to get that.

The bell finally rings for us to head to our lockers. Blake grasps my hand and leads the way. We stand and talk at our lockers, not going to class early like all the nerdy kids. Blake goes on and on about something about how lame his homework assignment was. He always stood so close to me and his hands all over me. It bothered me so much but I know everyone else watching was jealous.

“Look at Liza!” Maci says to me, “she is so weird. I think she has a crush on me. Oh my God, I feel so uncomfortable around her! I’m going to start calling her Lez Liza.”

Liza passed us and put her stuff in her locker. My friends don’t tried to hide the stares and whispers. She was known for recently coming out as a lesbian and immediately became an outcast. I never saw why people thought she was so weird. She always looked so cute and smart. I received so many questions about if I ever had an idea when we were kids. She and I grew up together as next door neighbors. We spent every second together and she was my best friend. Was.

When we went into middle school, Liza had no problem with being herself, not caring what people thought of her. I always thought she was so great for doing that. But I wanted to be popular. The popular kids at the time didn’t like Liza and how she acted so then I didn’t like her and how she acted. I was going to be popular, even if that meant leaving her.

Later that day at home, my mother wouldn’t stop talking about Prom. Finally her little princess had the chance to by Prom Queen. Since my parents had money, they didn’t have any limits to the expenses of this night.

“Now, your dress and jewelry are in my closet for safe keeping. Your hair appointment is at 2 o’clock and your nail appointment is right after that. I told Blake’s mom what he should wear and what time they should arrive. Do you have any questions for me honey?” she says to me while scrolling through her phone.

I don’t answer. It’s not like what I say will make a difference. My mother has what you would call OCD. Everything must be perfect, clean, and beautiful. That’s what she is. She will keep everything that way too, including me. She has always had those “perfect and beautiful daughter” expectations for me.

“I’m going to bed,” I say turning up the stairs to my room.

“Good idea! You need sleep for your big day tomorrow!” she says.

When I get into my room I plop onto the neatly laid bed. I just want to toss things around and mess everything up just to make things messy. Just to make things not perfect. Instead I decide to pull out the shoe box that’s buried deep under my bed. I flick off the dust from the cover and pry it open. Inside are pictures and saved things from my days with Liza.

I begin to laugh to myself when I pull out the picture of us when we dressed up like warriors and roamed around the neighborhood and completed missions. My mother hated every moment of it. I then pull out our rock collection that we convince that would sell for millions. Liza always talked about how she couldn’t wait to turn into a butterfly. She said that when we were kids we were like caterpillars waiting to grow up and be beautiful butterflies. Liza had turned into her beautiful butterfly, while I am still trapped in my cocoon.

What is she up to now? Does she miss me? Because I know that I miss her. I miss how she made me feel about myself and how she showed the world who she was. How different would I be if I wouldn’t have left her? But I can’t keep thinking this way. I am popular and normal now. This is who I need to be.

The next day after all of the hair and nail appointments, I go to my house to wait for Maci and the rest of the girls to come over. The box is still on my bed from the night before. I just get it under my bed before Maci walks in.

“What are you doing?” she says as I quickly get up from the floor.

“Nothing just dropped an ear ring,” I say and head to the closet for my dress.

I hear Blake and the other guys down stairs waiting for us to come down. All the girls head down stairs and I stay back to find all my jewelry. I stop and look in the mirror. A beautiful teenager stares back at her. She has everything; the perfect boyfriend, rich parents, and popularity. But there is something missing. Confused and defeated, I get up and go down stairs.

“You look beautiful,” Blake says to me, taking my hand as we go to the limo.

Thanking him, I step into the limo. Blake’s friend then pulls out a bottle of booze. All my friends take shots and pass it around. I pass it up; I don’t need to alcohol in my system tonight.

Our high school is transformed into a glitzy Hollywood dream night. Blake and I get our picture taken and receive comments from the chaperones how we are such a wonderful couple. After he gives a few thank yous and high-fives, Blake leads me inside to the gym. I see Liza in the corner with a junior girl. She looks so pretty tonight.

The DJ plays a song that Maci and I love. She comes out of now where and grabs my hand and drags me on the dance floor. We swing our hips and sing and throw our hands in the air. My eyes wander to where Liza was standing. She was there anymore; she must have joined in on the dancing. After that, the music slows down.

I stumble my way around the crowd of people to find Blake. He reaches for me from above a group of people and pulls me toward him. He places his hands on my hips and I wrap mine around his neck. Swaying back and forth, I close my eyes and take in the moment. It’s so perfect and romantic, exactly what I have been working for.

He moves a piece of hair away from my face and stares at me for a while.

“What are you staring at?” I say playfully.

“I love you, Brooke,” his words shock me.

“Um, thank you,” I say and quickly place my head on his chest.

He pushes me off and walks away. No, stop. This can’t happen. I chase after him and try to explain and make everything right. But before I can catch up to him, the principal calls the entire court member up on stage. Reluctantly, I walk to the stage.

On stage, I start to sweat just a little more. The whole school is staring at us, waiting to see who won. I look out to crowd and look for my friends and for Liza. The lights are so bright that I can’t see anything.

“And your Prom King is Blake Keller!” says our principal.

“Perfect,” I think to myself.

Time slows down as she lightly rips open the envelope for Prom Queen. This is the moment where I can make my mom proud and where my life will keep heading the way I want it to.

“Your Prom Queen is... Brooke Ryan!” she says and places the crown on my head. “Now let’s have the King and Queens give their acceptance speeches!”

My heart sinks. I have to give a speech? What am I going to say? Blake grabs the microphone from the principal and swaggers to the middle of the stage.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am your king!” his words makes the crowd burst into cheers. “Oh and thanks!” he hands the microphone to me and backs up to let me speak.

“Oh gosh, I don’t know what to say!” I say smiling and trying to act nervous. I hear my friends yell encouraging words to let me go on. “Well I just have to say I’m so thankful to be your Prom Queen,” I say. My eyes gaze the crowd. I see Liza back in the corner where she was. I know what I have to do. I know what I need to do for myself.

“But I have something to tell you all, especially to you Liza Magee,” the crowd goes silent as I take a step forward. “You all know me as Brooke Ryan, the girl that has no flaws. But the truth is I do. I am Brooke Ryan. I am a Lesbian. I am your Prom Queen.”

I go off the stage and walk to Liza. She is smiling at me and I smile back at her.

“I am so sorry. I miss you so much Liza,” I say to her nervously.

“It’s alright. I knew you would come around,” she says, “come over tomorrow! I will call you.”

With the whole gym staring at us, I decide to leave. I walk out of that gym with so many questions left unanswered to my friends, Blake, and the whole school. I’m afraid to even think about what my mother would say. But at the moment, I’m willing to walk away for a while. I’m ready to walk away and be the person who I really am. I don’t want to live up to everyone else’s expectations. But just before I am out the door, I stop and take off my crown. I throw it behind me and walk out. I don’t need that anymore.