White Walls



It’s a bright sunny day at seven in the morning. I wake up to the buzz of my phone. I lean forward to see the blankness of my walls as white as a ghost. This irritates me to the point of disgust. Fed up with the wall I leave in a hurry to get out. Wondering why I don’t do something about it. I always seem to sum up the amount of effort needed to do the job.

I leave to go to Penacook High School, where I go. This place is full of all sorts of people. You got the preps, nerds, jocks, and teachers. And then there’s me, that nobody cares to pay attention to guy. Well that guy is named Jack Mahec. I’m tall and have an average body structure. I like to be that kind of guy where I will let other people do their thing and I do mine. This is sit there and watches others do their thing. I don’t feel the need to be out of the ordinary, unless I’m with friends. I am like a quiet storm because I have the potential to be great but I hold back.

My friends are the best. They talk to me and support me. Although there is only a couple of them, like two or three, I still manage. And then there is this girl. She is stunning in the way when you get shocked by an electrical outlet. She has that wow factor. When I talk to her I feel the feeling I only get when I’m with her. Of being out there and not being afraid to get out of my comfort zone. To let it all out and be the true me. Although that only happens a couple times a day because I only get to see her once or twice a day. It bites but I can only live with it.
The time comes in the day when I get to see the girl of my dreams. This time actually happens before school starts on a Monday. I wait by my locker to let her come to me. As I wait for school to start. We start off a pretty awkward conversation.
I begin the talk by saying, “Hey Lisa.”
“Hey Jack what’s up,” Lisa says back.
“Oh you know just sitting, being lazy”, I say, “You look nice today.”
“Thank you, it’s nothing special,” she says while twirling her hair.
“Right because you always look good,” I reply.
She says with reddening cheeks, “oh stop your too kind.”
Changing the subject so that she doesn’t walk away I say, “What did you do this weekend.”
She goes on to explain how much fun being with all these people. And of course not me, I don’t know why I ask. It’s always something that I don’t like hearing. Because it’s always not about the time that we had and how that time was so much fun.
“Oh that sounds like fun”, I say sarcastically.
“What’s wrong?” she says.
“Nothing,” I say with a sigh.
“Well obviously there has to be something,” she says.
“Nope don’t worry about it,” I reply.
“Well alright but if you need to talk I’ll be here for you,” she says reassuring.
“Yeah thanks,” I say.
This is a pretty normal conversation between us with a little twist of argument. This doesn’t help me in my pursuit to go out with her. We end talking by walking in separate directions to class. I wish I could at least walk with her to class. Except for I don’t know if I could hold on long enough to talk to her. This needs to change so I can be me.
The first class I go to is algebra. I take my seat to look around at what’s happening around me. There are some guys arguing about fantasy football, which is really a stupid dispute. And some girls talking about the latest things that are happening around the school. I learn a lot of things this way by keeping my eyes and ears open to let other people fill me in on the latest updates.

The first couple of classes go by as I assume the usual role of the guy who sits there and waits for something to happen. Even though it’s not the most fun thing to do, but it’s entertaining to see and hear what people are doing. I just haven’t really summed the amount of courage I need to talk to other people. Well besides the occasional “hey what’s the test on?” and “Is there homework in Biology?” And it’s always a simple yes or no from me.

The last couple of classes fly by with study hall and a woods class. The woods class is fun because I get to express a bit of emotion onto a nice piece of walnut. It lets me relax and to take in the moment. And the moment doesn’t last long enough for it’s the end of the day.

My day continues on to home after an annoying bus ride of little kids screaming. Then to the sweet peacefulness of home where I don’t have a care in the world. I complete my homework and watch a lot of television. Then it starts to get around sleepy time in my mind. I lay down to think about all the things that happened today. And I ponder on what I could do about my problem on the whole talk thing, and of course Lisa. And in that moment I yelled in my mind, “Lisa tomorrow I will ask you out and you will be mine.” At least I hope she says yes, please.

The sun rises once again to a beautiful day and to an ugly white wall. I really should change that at some point, but whatever I’ll save it for later. I arise out of bed walking tall thinking I can do anything today. This all of a sudden stopped when I arrived at school.

I sit down at my usual spot thinking about what I’m going to do and say. Well I could just be blunt about it and ask her straight up. But, that could leave her speechless and make her have to think about it. Then ultimately I would be in anxiety waiting and waiting for the response, alright that’s dumb.

I could always wait until after school and text her love stuff from like a poem. But then again what are the chances that I could even come up with any love stuff from a poem. Nope that’s a stupid idea anyway because I don’t think that girls like to be asked through text message. I think I heard somewhere that they prefer face to face.

Alright so let’s go with the idea of asking her face to face. That way it will be meaningful and awesome. Well should I just all of a sudden interrupt her when she’s talking and make it spontaneous? That could end badly because she probably doesn’t like to be interrupted. Wow this is a lot harder than what I thought it was going to be.

Oh what if I tell her I have a secret. Yeah and I tell her to come in close so I can tell her all secret like. Yeah so then she can like tell me her response all whispery back into my ear or something like that. Alright yeah I’m going to do that.

Alright here she comes, as I’m wiping my hands off on my pants from thinking too hard. As she approaches I go through the steps I’m going to take for her to be mine.
“Alright all you got to do is be a man and don’t back down, you got this,” is the attempt at a motivational speech to myself. She sits down next to me which is not very normal of her but it’s pretty cool.

At almost the same time we both say to each other, “I have something to tell you.”

We both laugh at the fact that it was sweet how we want to say something at the same time.

But being the gentlemen I am I of course say, “Alright well you go first,” I also say that to take a little time to think more.

Giggling, “Well theirs is this guy who I like and I don’t know if he knows that I like him.”

My heart has dropped to the deepest and darkest place it could find. I try to hold back the emotion of deep depression but sum up the strength to say, “Okay what’s so great about him?”

“Well if you must know he is awesome, funny, and super,” she says smiling to me.

I think well there are a couple of guys I can think of that are in that description. “Would I happen to know who this guy is at all?”

“Yeah you have probably seen him around here a few times,” still smiling at me.

“Really,” I say as I’m thinking wow did one of my friends steal her away from me?

“And in fact he is sitting right next to me,” saying with the biggest smile I have ever seen on a person’s face.

With no time to think I turn to her and look into her eyes to see what a wonderful and beautiful person she is.

I say, “Well that’s convenient because I was thinking the same thing about you, and I was wondering if you would like to go out with me?”

“Yes I would absolutely love to Jack!” she screams excitedly.

That day was the best day of my life. It was the beginning of the rest of my life. I was and still am the happiest guy alive.

The next day arrived. And people were talking to me asking about me and Lisa. I was actually visible to their eyes. I wasn’t just a guy who sat in the back. I was me that day.

The days went by to the weekend. The time had come to cover my dreaded white walls. And with my newly loved girlfriend. We got all the paint the hardware store had and we stood in front of the wall, with paint cans at our sides. We painted, and smeared, and colorized, and threw, and tossed to the point where we couldn’t lift our arms. Then we gazed upon not a blank white wall but a wondrous wall of all shapes and colors. This was the start to not a blank life but an exciting and fun life. Where I get to be free, and to have fun, and be happy. This wall was me.