SHRECH!!!!


It started off as a cloudy and gloomy day with sheets of rain coming and going. I was on my way into Madison to go shopping with Cam, my best friend. She is a tall blonde and is always telling jokes. She is the type of person that you can’t help but smile when you talk with her. We drove to the mall together, in her bright blue Ford pickup truck. I get in and
say hey what up?
Cam: Just stressing over this paper that is due on Monday, but I have earned this much needed girl time. How about you? I mean since your mom?
I’m doing all right, I guess. I mean I will never be the same, not since my mom died on that road.
Cam: Well I’m here for you. Just call or let me know if you want to talk about it ok?
That’s one thing about Cam I really like, that she doesn’t push me into talking about anything that I don’t want to, like so many other people.
What I really said was, Yea ok thanks.

We sit in the awkward silence trying to figure out what to say next. Before we could say a world we get to Tiger Lane, the only road into town and the exact road were my mom died. It’s the most dangerous road to drive on in the winter. It’s made out of sharps turns right then a quite left and then another quick right. You keep doing this for about two to three miles. This road is always very icy and has shear drop on both side of the road, and it’s the only way into town.
One day my mom and I just had to go into town to get----I don’t even remember what we need anymore. She was driving on that evil road and about half way down that road we hit some black ice and stared to spin all over road. We were skidding from right and left and sideways and then we flow off the road and crashed into this huge oak tree head on. She hit it straight on and totally destroyed the whole front end. The air bags went off and punched me square in the nose and I was out for a few minutes. When I woke up my mom was knocked out cold and was laying on the black steering wheel. Her head was bleeding all over the snow white air bag that hit her in the head. The blood was streaming down the side of her face. Her eye were looking into my. I grabbed my phone and dialed 9-1-1 .
OMG
my mom is knock out
and is not talking to me.
Operator: Stay clam ma’am. Can you feel you mom’s pulse?
Me: how do you even feel her pulse?
Operator: Put your hand on her neck and see if you can feel her pulse there.
Me: ok ……Ummm
Ya there is a little pulse.
O God please hurry I don’t know how much longer she can hang in there.
Operator: Where are you?
Me: Half way down on Tiger Lane.
Operator: ok the ambulance is on its way to you now.
Me: ok please hurry.

In the time it took the ambulance took to come to help my mom, she bled out in the car. The only thing I could do was hold my dark blue jacket on her head to try and stop the bleeding. I could feel her slipping away from me. Her pulse was getting weaker and weaker. Once I couldn’t feel her pulse I sat in that car crying.
Why did she have to die and why did I get to live? This question is still hunting me. I still think my family blames me for her death. I know I still do and there will never be an answer as to why I got to live and my wonderful mom had to bleed out on that road . I will never know the answer to this question, but I will live each day to the fullest, I can as my mom would’ve wanted me to do.

Cam: are you Ok??
Me: Ya I’m fine just thinking of last time I was here.
Cam: O My God, I’m so sorry I didn’t even think about your mom.
Me: it’s fine I need to get over this. I would rather be in a car with you then with my judging family, all thinking It’s all my fault that she is gone.
Cam: It’s not your fault. You know that right?
Me: I think, I mean I know I didn’t cause the accident but it still feels like it was my fault that she died. Like I’m responsible for what happed.
Cam: You don’t need feel that its your fault, causes It’s not, the road had ice on it and the car slipped and you guys slipped off the road and got into accident.
Me: I know… still doesn’t change how I feel and seeing her cross on the side of the road just makes me feel even worst.
Cam: well you weren’t driving and it was an accident so stop feeling guilty. It’s not your fault.
Me: You’re right.
Cam: I know now lets start shopping!!!
Me: Wow were already here I guess I was to distracted by the cross and flower left for my mom that is didn’t even notices that we were in town and parked in front of the mall.
Me: ok let’s go and buy the whole store.
Cam: I wish
We did a little shopping but my heart wasn’t into shopping, It’s still back on Tiger Lane. Cam could tell I was there but not really here. So we head to the clothes department for juniors. Her solution to my problem was to show me the ugliest shirts I have ever seen.
Cam: What do you think of this shirt?
Me: The dark brown sweater with bright neon pink polka dots all over it.
Cam: Yes
I busted out laughing because it was the ugliest thing I had ever seen.
Me: What do you think of this shirt?
Even though the whole point of her doing this is to make sure I was having fun. Which I was having the time of my life. I don’t even know when it was the last time I laugh like that was. I definitely need to laugh. Once we got a hold of ourselves we head to the food court were everything there smells ooo sooo good. It’s my turn to choose were we get to eat, we change off each time we go shopping. I see one of my favorite restaurant KFC. We order and take our food to a table and sit down to more talking and laughing. We talk about guys and new hairstyles and what store we are going to shop at next.

Once we could no longer move an inch. We decided that it was time to go home. We load up our arms full of shopping bags and throw them into the back seat of the car. There is literally no room left for the bags to move around in the backseat. Maybe we would even stop for ice cream on the way home; my favorite is chocolate chip cookie dough . We did end up getting ice cream on the way home. It’s something to eat while we waited in traffic. The traffic was heavy cause it was around five o’clock and it’s a still stand, we did spend all day shopping with each other and had a blast.
Once we were finally free of the snail moving traffic we spend home. On the open and free road. We were laughing and having and awesome time singing along with the radio, laughing because each one of us were extremely off pitch until we turn on that road again. It was not quite as bad as it was this morning but I still feel the guilt rising inside me as we drive down on Tiger lane. The memories of us sliding off the road and into that giant oak tree, and all my mom’s blood every were I looked flooded backed into my mind as were drive back home on Tiger Lane.

It was a sad day for me but I could never have every gotten over it without an understanding friend like Cam. Always there for me no matter what is gone on, she is truly my best friend. I know I don’t deserved to be her friend because it feels like she takes care of me. Any ways she helped me go into Madison for the first time since my mom died on that road.
That was a very sad day for me and now every time I go into town I have to drive on that same road that took my mom, but each time it gets easier and easier to drive into town . The pain of that day is getting smaller a little each day. Among the few memorial that are left their, by their loved ones is the one for my mom. There is a white cross with her picture stapled in the center of the cross and a bouquet of flowers. They are always a fresh bouquet out there on the anniversary day of her death. Every time that I drive by on that road I get this overwhelming feeling of sadness, but it is slowly fading but will never fully leave me. I blamed myself a little less each day I drive by that road.