Dear God,
I need some help. I know there are starving kids in Africa that probably need your help more, but I’m pretty desperate. I don’t really know what to do. A couple years ago, I hit puberty at 12. Grew boobs, got my period...... all that stuff. But I got something else too, something that no one tells you about. I had a desire. It was a wrong desire, and I tried to stifle it, I really did. But I couldn’t. It was too strong. My parents would leave me alone in the house when they went to my brother’s soccer games. They left me alone in the house with the computer. Click click. It was so easy to go online and type stuff into the search box. Bodies moving, swaying. But after, when they came home, I felt disgusting. And I constantly lived in fear that they would find out, and I knew they wouldn’t be able to accept what I had done. They wouldn’t be able to understand the seed of desire that had been planted within me by hormones. It grew and grew, wrapping around my heart and brain, until it had consumed me and left me dead. Everyone thinks I’m such a nice girl. Model christian at church, good grades in school, nice boyfriend, nice friends. I don’t wear makeup and my clothes are very modest. But if they could see inside my mind....... I just don’t know. I wonder if it will catch up to me, if later in life. This thing I’ve done will bite me in the rear end. I dread that day, the day someone finds out. I’ll kill myself. I couldn’t live with the shame and guilt. The desire is gone now, two years later. It was sated and the plant has died. I still don’t wear makeup and I have an even nicer boyfriend, one that I am so much in love with. So please God, if you care about me at all, don’t let anyone ever find out. That part of my life is over. Please.