He keeps a photograph in his wallet when he isn’t showing it to anyone (or, as he occasionally does, just staring at it, his eyes for of disgusting levels of adoration.) It shows the two of them before some special event, and he subjects anyone who so much as thinks about girls in his presence to him holding it out to them and asking, “Isn’t she beautiful?” It’s horrifying, really. Sometimes the unfortunate victim tries to make friendly conversation, so he tells them, depending on the time of year, the details of his elaborate plan to surprise her for Valentine’s Day, her birthday, the anniversary. I can’t fathom how he finds her attractive – the greasy, cropped hair, the gap-toothed smile and ridiculously tiny nose all leave me thoroughly appalled. He makes a good boyfriend, though – but he should be with me.