Hmm, looking over at Mary right now she looks so happy and just in love, I would love to be able to say I am happy for her , “( but wait I’m jealous)”… I don’t understand how Mary can even be close to getting. Wow she looks so gross right now. The dress she has on helps her figure none. Your wedding dress is supposed to hug your curves, not be all loose and slopping looking like she had never had the dress fitted. Maybe she lost weight because she was so nervous for hr wedding… well whatever she still looks bad. To be honest mike should be mine. I should be the one standing right in front of Mike. At this moment I am really not liking Mary. I just really do not understand how Mike could pick her over me. I feel kind of bad because I am so jealous right now, but then again I really don’t care.
What the heck! Why would she pick this yellow dress for her bridesmaid to wear Ughh but at least I still look good! I know for a fact that I’m just looking way better than Mary at the moment. It’s pretty terrible the fact that I am being pretty self centered right now. Wow I feel terrible right now; maybe this is an example of when people say you’re being insecure. Then again I am going to be the bigger person and support Mary right now; I am going to the best friend and maid of honor I can possibly be at this moment. I love Mary and she would never do a single thing to hurt me so I am going to try and return the favor.
As I look out onto the beautiful turquoise water I see a reflection of my self. I look at my reflection to realize what I am doing to myself. Asking when did I become this person? How did I let myself get here, I wish I would have just told Mary what was going on from the get go maybe I wouldn’t be stuck in this boat right now.
Well I guess it is time for me to get over him. It hurts like a son of a gun but it really is time. Time to move on let go and start over. When he tries to come show me love I am just going to ignore him and drop the bomb. “why do I keep second guessing myself?” or should I just bite the bullet and keep letting things happen and when he goes through a rough time to just be able to come back to me and vent. I cannot keep doing this its tearing me apart. I’m done with this!!