I felt alone, broken down, torn apart. Just like a picture frame with no picture inside….

This all started mid January. I fell apart that day absolutely nothing was the same. That day my mom and me got in this HUGE fight over something really stupid. I mean it grew into something way bigger she started yelling things at me I don’t think she would have if they weren’t true. On my way to school she kept yelling at me saying I needed to wear a jacket it was to cold out to be running around with no jacket. Yes this whole fight started with me not wearing my jacket. I ran in balling my eyes out. Dashing to the bathroom. I was glad no one was there. I get dropped off really early every morning. I finally got in the bathroom I starred at myself in the mirror I was a mess. I was trying to calm myself down when one of my friends came in. I wasn’t close to her I wasn’t really close to anyone. But I could tell she was concerned. Before I could explain her arms came wrapping around me. Shocked cause she wasn’t really the nicest person in the world but she made me feel like I was needed in the world at that moment. All these thoughts were running through my head when she stopped hugging me and started to speak.

“Are you okay Alli?” Sammie sounded very worried. It seemed I had clamed down enough to answer that question I was waiting for since she walked in.

“Ya, I’m fine. Thank you for staying here with me for a little bit though.” Just when I finished talking Katrina walked in. Katrina is my best friend the only person I haven’t pushed away in awhile. She has always been there for me through everything. With the tear dripping down my face and my cheeks beat red. Plus Sammie standing there next to me.

“Oh my god! What is going on? What did you do to her Sammie?” At this moment Katrina was yelling at Sammie. Katrina was very protective of me. I didn’t know why but I liked knowing there was someone there for me when I needed it.

“I didn’t do anything to her.” Sammie said stuttering the words. Katrina shot her head toward me then.

“What’s wrong then?” She said starting to tear up herself. I could tell she hated seeing me like this. Its not like she hasn’t seen me cry before she has. But this time it was worse way worse.

“Me, my life, my family! Everything is wrong.” At first I didn’t know how to respond, so those words shot out of my mouth.

“I’m going to go and leave you two alone. Bye Katrina. Have a nice day Alli.” Sammie said not wanting to leave but knowing she had to.

“NO just stop please. Look I don’t know what happened but whatever it was don’t listen to them you are beautiful and I’m tired of people putting you down.” She said knowing how hard it was for me to block them out.

“I hate this! Why do people do it to me? I’m not different sure I may look and act different but that’s because I’m my own person. They can’t control me. But they are on the inside.” Once again I started crying. I was whimpering a soft quite call for help it sounded like. People have tried to help me before but I always push everyone away. Not anymore I can’t do this. I was getting beat up from the inside out and it needed to stop.

“Help me…………please Katrina just help.” Crying in her shoulder I waited for her response.

“Okay I will.” She sounded ready to go at war when she agreed to help.




***

A week had gone by since I asked for Katrina’s help now. Not much has changed though. I learned never to trust anyone. I can’t even trust Katrina. I didn’t want her help anymore. She shouldn’t have done what she did. The whole school believed her to. I didn’t want to believe she did it but everyone I ask said it was her. It was the stupidest lie ever, but this was the girl who had been with me through everything been there for me every time I needed it through every loss or fight she would be the one I could call up knowing I could talk to some one…. and then this happens. I couldn’t lose her not now not when I needed her the most. With all these thoughts running through my head I forgot where I was for a few seconds and I ran into someone my books went falling toward the floor. Quickly I bent down and started picking them up before I was late to class. Not long after he bent down and helped me.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. Too much on my mind. It won’t happen again.” The words came out of my mouth so quiet so delicate.

“Don’t worry about it lets just be glad it was your books instead of you. You could have got really hurt.” The voice was very manly and strong. Looking up I saw it was Kyle Anderson, captain of the football team. Also he was the reason Katrina started this pathetic lie. All the girls were in love with him. I didn’t know why I didn’t see anything special about him. But Katrina did and she never stopped talking about him. She had been dreaming about their wedding her entire life. When homecoming came around she had already been practicing how she would say yes when he asked her. See they had this thing since 7th grade where they acted like it was meant to be. The big day came for him to ask the girl he wanted to homecoming. Expecting it to be Katrina not a single girl got her hopes up. And of course he had to come and ask me! The best friend of the girl who fantasized about him every single day. Katrina was extremely mad at me! I didn’t understand why she was mad at me its not like I knew this was coming. Trust me I didn’t but she acted like I had said yes. Why would I say yes to someone who I didn’t like? For popularity? No. That is not who I am. She wouldn’t talk to me for 2 weeks after that. When she finally talked to me I thought everything was fine and she realized she had been over exaggerating the whole thing. But I guess I was wrong again. A few days ago she went around telling everyone how I was DEEPLY in love with Kyle! I hope he didn’t hear the rumor. Trying to be nice but once I saw whom it was I couldn’t help but walk away.

“This is just perfect of course its you out of all people in this school it had to be you!” I shouted as I started to walk away. He ran up to me and grabbed my arm right after I yelled this out.

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong to you?” He said questioning why I had said what I said.

“Yah you just had to ask me to homecoming didn’t you?” I stomped away I couldn’t handle it anymore. Looking back I had noticed I might have been a little meaner then I meant to be but he better know now I am not madly in love with him.




***

Later that night my cell phone kept ringing I just ignored it because I didn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment. Then my house phone started to ring of course my mom had to answer it.

“Alli the phones for you!” she said yelling up the stairs.

“Okay but who is it?” I had a guess already of who it could be but I wanted to make sure before I answered the phone.

“Some guy is asking to talk to you he said it was important” she sounded like she was talking about a business guy. But I knew she wasn’t.

“Hello?” Once I had answered the phone I had acted like I had know Idea who it could be.

“Hey, listen don’t hang up I just need to ask you something. It’s Kyle by the way. Ok here I go……… I’m sorry for all I have done to you I didn’t know that asking a beautiful girl to homecoming would be a bad thing to do. I realize now that it has turned into much more then I wanted it to. I just want you to forgive me and give me a chance. Please can I have a chance maybe pick you up for dinner Friday night?” He sounded worried and scared when all these words came out of his mouth. Not knowing how to answer at first and shocked he had called me beautiful.

“If I say yes no one can know about this and I mean it. Where would we go?”

“Anywhere you want to go. And I swear I will tell no one!”

“Okay, lets just go to Applebee’s. Keep your mouth shut!” I was actually kind of glad he had asked me not because it was him but because we were going to Applebee’s that’s my favorite place. I just hope Katrina doesn’t find out about this.

“Yes! I will pick you up around six. See you then! Bye” he sounded so joyful when he said this I was sort of scared. But oh well. Time for dinner, homework, bath, and bed!





****
Friday night finally came and no one knew about it. Right before I was about to leave Katrina called me. I answered the phone not even having a clue what she would say.

“Hey what are you doing tonight?” She didn’t sound mad she couldn’t have known about Kyle and me.

“Nothing really just have a lot of homework.” I answered hoping she would by it.

“Oh that must suck I was going to see if you want to sleepover but I guess not. Sorry to bug you bye have fun studying!” she started laughing at the end but then hung up.
<Beep beep! > The car sounded like it was dying but I knew I had to go fast before my mom got home. She would tell everyone! He was waiting in the car for me. I could hear the music through the car doors. When I opened the door my heart started pounding like a drum.

“CAN YOU TURN THIS DOWN!”? I felt like I was yelling at my younger sister when shouting this.

“Yup no problem. Do you not like loud music?” He didn’t seem offended when I asked so that was good.



“Yah I do its just that was really loud!” I said to him hoping he understands.

“Okay well let’s get on our way now.” He said sounding rushed to go.




****

Last night was okay? I guess? I mean it could have been better if I was with someone I actually liked or loved. But oh well I still got food and he explained why he liked me so much. He said he liked me because I’m different from all the others. Whatever that’s supposed to mean. I didn’t know if I should take it as a compliment or not.

“Come down here right now ALLISON!” My mom seemed angry like usual. I have learned to get used to it through my life she was always nagging at me to do something or fix something. It really annoys me.

“What is wrong?” I sounded bored as I said this. To be honest I actually was.

“What is with this note from Katrina saying she was sorry for what she did? And that she knows where you really were Friday night?” she sounded nervous when saying this. Did she feel blocked out from my life if so I didn’t understand why?

“Wait what? She knows! You didn’t tell her did you?” I acted surprised I wasn’t really all that surprised this happened the word had to come out sometime.

“Tell her what? Alli what did you do Friday night you were with me what is Katrina talking about?” Now my mom sounded worried when she said this.

“I…. went on a date with her crush.” the words come out hesitantly. I ran to my bedroom and started balling it sounded worse at loud then I thought it was.

“YOU ARE GROUNDED DON’T YOU EVER THINK OF COMING OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM!” My mom made herself very clear. I had to call Katrina and see what was going on she said she was sorry but I didn’t know if I should believe her or not. <Ring ring ring ring> the phone went straight to an answering machine. I left a message stating I was grounded and so sorry for what I had done. For the rest of the night I was waiting for the call back saying it was fine and that everything could back to the way it was.





****
Two days had passed since I called Katrina and still no call back where could she be? She wasn’t at school either today. Plus she left a note saying she was sorry instead of calling like usual. Something is up and I needed to find out what before things got out of hands again.

“Good morning high scholars! How is your day so far? Well I am so sorry if this next anouncement ruins your day but I can’t not tell you what has happened.” The principal sounded upset about something. I hope this isn’t going to slow down the search for Katrina I needed to find her and work this out.

“One of our very own students here at Sullivan High School has passed away… Nobody knows what happened or why yet but we are going to keep you updated on everything. Katrina Wilson has been killed….” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard come out of her mouth! Katrina was dead. But why? How? Where? I had to find out who did this and soon! For the rest of the day I was at home I couldn’t be there around everyone with out Katrina. Listening to the murmurs of people saying her name talking about her like they knew her, THEY DIDN’T I DID! I heard a knock on my door. Running down the stairs hoping it would be Katrina I opened the door fast.

“Hi I’m sorry I came over to help you I know you wouldn’t wan t me here so I didn’t call.” It was Kyle. Begging me to let him in. I just squeezed him tight and started crying. I was happy he was here for once I actually wanted him here.

“Come in I’m glad you are here. I need a friend and well mine died so I could use you. Why do you think she died?” While crying I managed to get these words out.

“I have something to show you I found in my car after I drove Katrina to a store last night. She left me something on purpose and I think it will explain why she had died.” His voice kept cracking. I knew he was trying not to cry himself.

“What? Why did you drive her to a store last night where was the store?” I was desperate to know now.

“Just sit down and it will explain all. Can you put this in a DVD player please?” Kyle said tome looking scared now. On the screen suddenly Katrina popped up! She started talking to the camera.

“Dear Kyle, I know this is shock you found this right after you dropped me off but I needed to tell you something before it’s too late. I love you and I know that you know that already. But I found out about you and Alli Friday. It really got to me. So tonight when I will watch you drive away I’m going across the street to the lake and going in. But I’m not just going for a little swim I am going to drown myself. Don’t take this like its all your fault because its not. Lately everything has gone wrong my mom was diagnosed with stage 3-breast cancer last week. Plus people have been bullying me a lot. Haven’t you noticed me being gone at lunch I sit in the girl’s bathroom everyday now and eat my lunch afraid of what might happen if I come out. What I am doing is my decision and it needs to be done. I cant handle all the misery any longer I’m sorry bye… And will you please tell Alli to stay strong I will watch over her.” At the end Katrina was crying. I was balling even more now. She killed herself and part of it was because of me I couldn’t handle this I will take any grounding I get but. I will stay strong not just for me but for Katrina too.





***

A year had gone bye since I lost my best friend. A lot has changed since though. I finally stick up for myself and I fit in to the world for the first time. Me and my mom get along to very well. Also I have my first boyfriend and I had my first kiss! Age 17 was starting out on a good note. Even though I am the happiest I have ever been. There are still days I think about how my life would be with Katrina still here still standing next to me. Katrina will never be forgotten.